having trouble with gf and kids

[foxct]

I have been divorced for 5 months, my gf (who i was having an affiar with for about 1.5 years) wants to spend time with my kids (boys 10, 8, 6) and her daughter (6). We have tried it a couple times and it just does not feel right to me. I know my kids are still struggling with the divorce. My position is that hanging out with my gf does no good for my boys, so why do it? But then I think when will I ever be comfortable introducing a partner to my kids? Does it ever get "normal"?

Any thoughts, comments, expreiences appreciated.

[Captain Jim]

Let's put it this way...Things tend to be a lot more obvious to children then they do to us. Partially because they blow everything up 100x what they really are. So if you are feeling this isn't right you can imagine what they are feeling!

Tell me this...why do you feel you need to do this so soon?

I can't say it is the wrong thing to do. Obviously that would depend on your kids and you. I've seen moms do it weeks after leaving their husband and it seemed to work out fine for everyone except her husband. On the other hand I've seen them do it years after leaving and her family has a fit.

I say you go with your gut. From what you've said it sounds to me like your gut is telling you the answer quite clearly.

[foxct]

My gf is the primary force behind it. i think I could be happy just dating for some time, without involivng the kids. She has been divroced for 5 years, so she has been through this before.

You're right about going with your gut. We have feelings and instincts to guide us through situations. Sorting them out is the hard part

[dadsdivorce]

Why is your gf pushing this and what's the rush? My gut feeling is that something's not right here...I think it's important to find out what her motivation is.

[foxct]

We have been together for 1.5 years, though most of it as an affair since my divorce was final in January 05. she considers this a long time and we should move "forward". she is also a lonely single mom who wants to be part of a faimly. We talked about it yesterday, I told her I felt torn between her wants and my kids and it is really frustrating me to the point of just ending our relationship. I have been short tempered and rude, and I think it has to do with my perception that gf is pressuring me. In her defnse, she does not bring it up often, but I know she wants to live together and she wonders if she is just wasting her time with me.

[Kat]

So you left your wife who I presume had many problems of her own for a woman who is needy, clingy, lonely, dependant, bossy, and willing to have an affair with a married man......

Dude if ya marry her ya better get a REAL good prenup

And wear a condom!

[foxct]

gotcha with condom advice.

Probably an exagerated analyis of the gf, but honeslty, I got myself over my head with a serious relationship post divorce. I am not ready to be a family with gf or anyone for that matter. If she wants more soon, then I am not the guy for her.

[primarydad]

gotcha with condom advice.

Probably an exagerated analyis of the gf, but honeslty, I got myself over my head with a serious relationship post divorce. I am not ready to be a family with gf or anyone for that matter. If she wants more soon, then I am not the guy for her.

I understand what you are going through. You must step back and do what is right for your kids. You gf needs to understand this is going to take time. Also if you two are meant to be together then she will understand and give you and your children time to adjust. There is no reason to rush into another relationship and then have that relationship not work out. Image how that would be for your children to have there world turned up side down once again. I am glad you are taking this serious and thinking about this. Please remember the most important thing here is your children. I know the gf means a lot to you, but please put the childrens needs first before yours. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[foxct]

will do, and thanks for your support, it's good to know that others relate to my situation. You can feel isolated after divorce and I appreciate all the comments I receive through this board

[grmichdad]

You need to listen to your gut on this one. Your kids come first and if your girlfriend can't accept that or deal with it, she really needs to find someone else. You may or may not be truly ready for another relationship but I can guarantee that your kids probably are not.