Equality - it's funny because it's true

Humor, philosophical, theoretical postions, judicial reform, rants, etc.

Equality - it's funny because it's true

Postby No·MAD » Mon Jan 10, 2005 5:22 pm

It seems like a good time to repost some things in concern with equality right about now...


How to Keep a Woman Happy :

It's not difficult. To keep a woman happy, a man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY!!! :

1. Let him have the remote control.
2. Leave him in peace.
3. Feed him well
No·MAD
 

Equality - double standards list

Postby No·MAD » Mon Jan 10, 2005 5:23 pm

Why is it that women complain when men leave the toilet seat up, but men don’t complain when women leave it down?

Why do women complain about men that only want one thing, but men don’t complain about women that want everything?

Why do women have the choice between abortion, adoption, dropping an unwanted baby off at a hospital, raising the child with a father, or raising the child without a father, but the only choice men have is to agree?

Why do women dress in makeup, short skirts, bare midriffs, and low-cut blouses but complain about men that stare at them?

Why do we pretend that men are the ones that abuse children when it is a well-known fact that women abuse children more than men?

If single mothers have it so bad, why do women initiate about eighty percent of divorces and routinely commit perjury to win custody?

Why do we have a Violence Against Women Act but nothing for men when women cause domestic violence just as often as men?

Why is it funny when a woman kicks a man in the groin but terrible if a man did the same to a woman - won't the man be in more pain?

Why is it terrible for a woman to be raped once but funny when male prisoners get raped over and over?

Why is a man a wimp if he lets his wife beat up on him but a criminal if he defends himself?

Why does women’s health get much more attention when men die about seven years younger than women?

Why do we complain about legislators being mostly male when they always promote women’s rights and never promote men’s rights?

Why is it sexist to have clubs for only men but empowering to have them for only women?

If women only make 72 cents for the same work where a man earns a dollar, why don’t companies hire only women and put the competition out of business?

How do police know who to arrest when there is a domestic disturbance involving lesbians?

Why do married women complain that their husbands don’t want to change a baby’s diaper but divorced women say their ex-husbands can’t take care of a child?

Why do men that don’t pay child support go to prison but nothing ever happens to women that don’t allow < parenting time >?

If women-in-the-military is such a good thing, why don’t they have to register for the draft?

Why are we so concerned about girls under-performing boys in math and science but not concerned about boys under-performing girls in everything else?

Why do fathers have to pay the mother to take his children away from him in divorce?

Why is it legal for women to lie to men about who the father of a baby is to get child support, but a crime if she tells the same lie to the government to get Social Security or military benefits?

Why do women have to prove they spent the money on the children when they collect welfare but don’t have to do the same when they collect child support?

Why do we have to cut men’s sports that have fans to create women’s sports that don’t?

Why is it called sexual freedom when a married woman commits adultery but called cheating when a man does the same?

Why are female murderers presumed to be mentally ill but male murderers presumed to be killers?

Why are there thousands of “father’s rights” groups but no “mother’s rights” groups?

Why do we have so many fathers groups fighting for more time with their children when there are so many social problems attributed to fatherlessness?

Why do men have to support women at the same standard of living following divorce when women don’t even have to cook and clean his new apartment?

If divorced women have it worse than divorced men, why do divorced men commit suicide eight or ten times as much as divorced women?

Why do we pretend that men walk out on their wives and children when women initiate about eighty percent of divorces?

Why is it considered sexist to have a couple of television shows geared towards men when there are several channels catering only to women?

Why are television moms always portrayed as wonderful and loving and television dads always portrayed as inept buffoons?

Why is it politically incorrect to say anything negative about women but funny to put men down?

Why are women without a job considered to be exercising free choice but men without a job considered a bum?

Why do feminists demand that women be equally represented in high paying and powerful jobs but don’t complain when low-paying, dirty, and dangerous jobs remain mostly done by men?

Why do we have to say “Chairperson” and “Congressperson” but its ok to say “garbage man” and “bad guy”?

Why do we always hear the phrase “innocent women and children” but never hear about “innocent men” or “men and children”?

Why do news headlines use the terms “student”, “spouse”, or “parent” when a girl or woman, or mother does something wrong but use the terms “boy”, “husband”, or “father” when a boy, man, or father does something wrong?

Why do feminists demand equal results for traditionally male roles but object to equal or shared parenting after divorce?

Why does the term “angry mother” sound like someone that needs our help and support and the term “angry father” sound like someone that needs to be arrested and forced into anger management classes?

Why is it that when men are more successful than women it's because women are oppressed, but when women are more successful than men it's because men are lazy?

Why are only women free to criticize other women without being labeled anti-women, but both men and women are free to criticize men?

Why are feminists pushing for laws that prevent new laws from being passed that protect men from women, such as with domestic violence against men, false allegations by women, or paternity fraud?

Why is it that when a woman accuses a man of rape, the man's name is made public and he is presumed guilty, but when he is proven innocent the woman remains anonymous and the man is still ruined?

Why is it considered woman-hating or whining to point it out when women have something better than men, but we rush to pass new laws if men might have something better than women?

Why is it that we've had forty years and billions of dollars going into women's rights and men's responsibilities, but it's taboo in most circles to even suggest that maybe it's time to consider men's rights and women's responsibilities a little bit for a change?

If those who always side with women are feminists and those who always side with men are chauvinists, why don't we have a wing of a political party and billions in funding going to chauvinists when we have that for feminists?

For those who believe men had it better than women in the past and believe now it's time for women to have it better than men for a while, why don't they advocate whites being forced into slavery to blacks?

Why are men considered more privileged than women with so many double standards against men?
No·MAD
 

Re: Equality - interesting scenario

Postby No·MAD » Mon Jan 10, 2005 5:23 pm

One evening last week my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like
it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT?! What was that?!" So she says the words that every
boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with
my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical
needs
as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for
who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that
nothing
was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one
to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have
thought I
was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing
me
because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how
to play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said "That's fine,
honey."


She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said "I think this is
all
dear let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out "No honey, I don't
feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
"WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough
for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"
No·MAD
 

Equality - interesting observation

Postby No·MAD » Mon Jan 10, 2005 5:26 pm

"A dog can be a devoted and loyal friend waiting anxiously for you to return home, never too busy to give you its full attention and always ready to play. It wishes for nothing other than your affections and good will. But then one day it encounters a group of other dogs in the park. Your devoted friend charges off, totally forgetting that you even exist on earth. You feel deserted and abandoned. Suddenly your dedicated companion is urinating everywhere, defecating, and sniffing other dogs' butts while running madly about, raising hell and behaving like...yes...a dog. You had forgotten it was, after all, a dog! You were lulled into a comfortable relationship with something which you allowed yourself to perceive as other than what it really is! A lot of guys make the same mistake with women. This oversight grows to disastrous proportons when applied to the marriage program currently being sold in our country."

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/ ... 06-7472946

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No·MAD
 

Re: Equality - it's funny because it's true

Postby Pete » Mon Jan 10, 2005 5:28 pm

LOL

Good stuff No Mad
Pete
 

Re: Equality - it's funny because it's true

Postby Captain Jim » Mon Jan 10, 2005 5:40 pm

Oh crap! NoMad caught the cut and paste disease!!!!!! We're all doomed. I knew the kook was infectious.

Hey NoMad, you for got one little item on your list for what keeps a man happy. SEX! or my personal favorite, Sex with your ex's younger sister!!!
Captain Jim
 

Re: Equality - interesting scenario

Postby HP » Mon Jan 10, 2005 5:53 pm

He is right................

for most women. Like my husbands EX WIFE
HP
 

Re: Equality - it's funny because it's true

Postby No·MAD » Mon Jan 10, 2005 5:57 pm

No, I don't have the C/P disease, as you can see none of this is a long winded rant...just simple short statements made in amusement fashion.
We are only doomed if we do not acknowledge truth and educate our children wisely on the laws of the world...both legally and socially.

And sex with the ex's more attractive sister should definitely be high on the list of what could keep a man happy.


If there are any additional "double standard" type jokes (or statements) then let me have 'em!
No·MAD
 

Re: Equality - it's funny because it's true

Postby Captain Jim » Mon Jan 10, 2005 6:02 pm

Mine wasn't a joke. LMEO
Captain Jim
 

Re: Equality - interesting scenario

Postby David GS » Mon Jan 10, 2005 7:48 pm

That was beautiful. Perfect.
David GS
 


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