Update: Filing for full custody

[ROBOKOP]

Well, it's been a while my friends and the roller coaster continues. NJ has been unsatble at best having had four different residences in the past year. After a school year where she was primarily out of the picture, she moved back into town and started helping out with the girls (D8, D5) more often. Overall things were going OK. Well, recently she moved in with a new boyfriend after dating him for a few months. He is a convicted felon with an extensive criminal history and several recent arrests. He has no job (fired for smoking weed at work) has no DL, and is a general piece of dirt. So obviously I am uncomfortable with this. About two weeks ago this guy calls me up on my work weekend when NJ has the girls and tells me he is having a hard time with D8. He puts her on the phone and she is crying her eyes out begging to come by me. I ask her to find her mother and put her on the phone because she was apparently preoccupied. I ask her WTF and tell her to speak with D8 and calm her down and tell her that these phone calls dont make me very comfortable. Well BF starts a childish text battle with me that I do not respond to merely telling him to leave me alone and that his calls and texts are unwelcome. A few days later, while at work I get a call that D8 tried running away from there to try to find me. Girls hate him and hate it there. When she ran away another convicted felon friend with no DL had D5 in a car and picked her up to bring her back. It is out of control. Currently I have primary placement, but have been pushed to file for full custody. She was served on Thursday. Friday social services and the drug unit vistited her. She has a delusion that I sent them and is retaliating by not letting me talk to the girls as I have every night they are away. COurt for a temp hearing is on Monday the 27th. Wish me luck.

[someguy]

Maybe new BF (on his own or with your EX prodding) is trying to intimidate you. It sounds like your not, but if he is threatening and his record can support it, maybe its possibly to get a RO on him to not being around your kids, especially in light of your oldest daughter trying to run away. It makes no difference if SS was first notified by you or not. That would be a tactic I would use if I had to.

I have seen this first hand with a friend of mine. Ex dates convicted child molester and his ex insists on bringing his young daughter around him. This is the type of man she usually dates so it not the first. He is not as aggressive as I would be, but he is an awesome daddy to his kids. So I have prodded him when necessary. So far he has been successful in moving the court for restraining orders. I think the court in his case is going to order a psych eval on ex to try to figure out why she chooses losers. IMO, when your a parent you lose the right to date losers ans skanks if you insist on bring them around your kids. I have seen and read too many occurances where women mostly, lose their minds after a divorce and seem to lose any desire to protect their children in regards to BF choices.

[Fatheroffour]

IMO, when your a parent you lose the right to date losers ans skanks if you insist on bring them around your kids.

Good thing you're not in charge.

I shudder to think what righteous POS will set the bar on parents right of free association.

[ROBOKOP]

I have thought about the restraining orders as well. I think it would be difficult now that she lives with him. Social services needs to have evidence of neglect to do anything. I have tried as much as I can to take pause and give objective thought to everything and in the end I know the kids need to be in a stable environment with me. I work a 12 hour shift, Im on call for SWAT, but my kids are the priority. I'll make it work one way or another. I take tons of time off for them. I do not want to take the kids away from their mother and will make that clear to the court, but her instability and poor decision making is documented and has a negative effect on the children. I have a small army on my side including teachers and doctors, so I believe I can put forth a good case. I am reasonable and not vindictive in this. One of the painful things is being privy to all of the intel and informaiton on the bad people that she associates with and brings around the children. Thats the undocumented stuff that I cant bring up in court.
Anyways, Ive had about 70-75% thus far and am pushing for 90% and full legal rights.

On a brighter note, for you guys that have been following my journey.... after a couple of girlfriends, I have found a very special woman who is a 180 from NJ. The biggest thing for me was having the opportunity to get back up and rediscover myself and get my confidence back. I guess having the time to get my head on straight before getting back into a relationship is really important. The rebound relationships are a buffer and help you through a tough time, but its hard to accept how rare they actually work. I actually took the time to make a checklist of what I needed to have in a partner for myself and my kids. It makes it all worthwhile when you find the one that fits the bill and you dont compromise.

I have made it a point to help inspire others as I have been through hell and back. Exercise has helped me overcome a lot of the stress and the obstacles have seemed impossible at times, but I have put a physical manifestation of these obstacles and will be completing the Tough Mudder in 20 days from now. The love of my daughters will be pushing me the entire way and I will write their names on my forearms.....

God Bless all of you and good luck on your journeys.

[tom kirkpatrick]

I trust you've been keeping a journal thru all this. Together with evidence, it'll stand up in court.

Equally important, you don't want to appear that you're abusing your authority by snooping into your ex's private life. Although you clearly have your daughters' best interest at heart, you can bet the other side will spin it into something entirely different. You've gotta know ahead of time what they're gonna do and prepare accordingly.

Having said that, the overall safety of your daughters must be of the utmost importance. Having several on-call, back-up, 24/7 child care providers will certainly give you an edge in court.

While you don't want to appear malicious, you do want the court to know that you're serious about the company your ex keeps. Indeed, (jail)birds of a feather flock together. As a consequence, and to err on the side of safety, you should ask the court for supervised < parenting time >. Indeed, you have good cause.

Granted, in all likelihood, such motion will be denied. Nevertheless, your motion will be "preserved." As a result, it'll be much easier to "revisit" your motion when (not "if") necessary.

Good luck.

Tom