About to reduce from 50/50 to EOW + 1 evening

[FortheChildren]

Need a little more info to give a decent response. First what did your Styx motion the courts for? It was not clear to me. Also what age is your daughter? What state?

You also mentioned you responded to the motion, what did you put in your response? Also did you counter motion for anything?

[Trevor]

1. Don't act like we don't know very well the cost and implications of a custody fight. What irritates me is how you got 50/50, something most of us would give a testicle to get, and you're about to walk away from it.

2. You also tell us your kids are being alienated from you. Yet you are taking a reduction in the time they will have with you.

3. You failed to fight when she moved away, knowing that the extra burden of cummute would impact you. These are all arguments as to why the word "bailing" is appropriate. You don;t have to like it, but that doesn't diminish the reality of it.

4. None of us can afford to lose our jobs. But we understand the lifelong implications of screwed up kids because Dad didn't stick around in good times and bad. You seem to be quitting. Fo4 raised the question of after school care. There are options, you just need to find them.

5. Why are you back in court? Who filed?

6. You should never be terrified of a 7th grader. If she uses hate language, it's time to think about counseling. The court can order it, you just have to ask.

7. You are not the only working parent whose kid goes to that school, with its odd hours. Talk to the school, ask your kids' friends' parents what they do for before/after care. Do you know any of these people?

8. We all get the importance of working. We all have had douchebag bosses (yours must be a real dick) who could not care less about our families. But dude your kids are more important. You might start looking for a better job.

9. Trust me, I know what it's like to work a full day, care for the kids, and go to school (my own balancing act). I went for years on 4 hours of sleep per night, most weeknights. You can choose to do it too. Or not.

10. You didn't indicate you were paying over the ordered CS amount. But don't.

11. Never be anyone's punching bag. Control her access to you; don't stick out your chin. Radio silence is a concept we use here for insulating yourself from her BS by keeping communication by email and only about the kids.

12. It's not a horribly difficult argument to make that a parent whose kids go to school all day cannot hold down at least a minimum wage job. You can bring to court examples of job openings in your area for each week she's sitting home whacking off to 50 Shades of Grey rather than working. Ask the court to impute her income at a FT minimum wage job...unless she's got a degree or nursing certificate that she's not using, in which case the imputation would be higher.

11. Lose the drama about homelessness, Nancy. We're not stupid and we run a wide range of incomes, some physicians and some phone center reps. Your self-imposed helplessness isn't working.

12. I get your frustration that she isn't collaborating any more. Sure it sucks. But frankly, if you ask the question of her in court "why don't you help out with after school care?" the judge is gonna look at you and say "you are responsible for figuring out child care on your parenting time." Stop looking to your X to solve your problems. She's not on your team any more, you're divorced.

13. Your argument is lame that if you go to court you might get shafted. If you fail to resolve your problem, i.e., figuring out before/after care for your kids (since you apparently did nothing to challenge her relocation, it may be too late to order them back to the school nearest where you live), then you will have dropped the ball and cannot lay the blame anywhere else but yourself. This is not a kick in the balls, but a kick in the butt. Do something about it!

[capslock]

Not to pile on here but TOH this is some of the weakest stuff I have read this year. I'm really tired of guys who lay blame on this economy. This is the USA. Built by winners. Not sad sack chumps who take what they are given. Your kids care about only one thing- your ability to put them first. If they see or feel you putting anything in front of their interests- job, woman, self pity, they will turn on you as their own defense mechanism.
You can overcome all of the items you write here if you try. If you don't try you will surely lose. It doesn't sound like you are enjoying that losing feeling, but some do. Maybe that's your thing.

[a dad]

I'll pile on...

Don't rely on your bi-polar ex. Delay court til status quo w/ child care. If 2/2/5/5 got you fired from working at home w/ flex hrs, try 3/3/4/4 w/ every weekend & EO Monday. Enroll the kids in the closer Jr High. Use the binder of time with clients & web ads to prove she's working. File contempt for her debt to you from mortgage, surgery & the ortho marital debt. Any word on how that boy's doing?

[texasdad2012]

I think one of the main issues I see here is that you're still expecting your ex to be cooperative, or sympathetic to your schedule. One of the best decisions I made so far was to realize that "if it was going to be, it was up to me" and to start planning like she wasn't even alive anymore. It's tougher when you don't have a supportive boss or family where you live (mine are all 1200 miles away), but it's still possible, even on a fixed income.

[4myboys]

"... sometimes I am terrified."

This speaks volumes. Don't be terrified of your STBX. Take control of the situation. They are your children too.

[Herb123]

You can try asking the school councelor about available programs for before/after school care. We have a great program here where I can drop off as early as 6:45 am ($5/day)and pickup as late as 5:30pm ($10/day).

What I'm doing on my parenting days is to use the school's before school program in the morning and for after school, he will ride the bus with a friend to their house where I will pick him up.

There are options out there.