letter to wife (on 23rd wed. anniver.): I'M DONE! your move

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

Yup (it looks like he closed his account...but I'll throw out my $.02 for anyone else in this boat). I temporarily closed my account for four months while NJ was doing her online hate and pity party campaign. I just got back on recently (removed all of her people). Facebook is just a tool to keep in touch with people (most of my "friends" are literally friends from my military days...not facebook "friends" that you had a class with in college for 50 minutes and never saw again ). If you're getting all wrapped around the axle about content on there, it's time to close it up.

Speaking from experience...you don't REALLY want to read anything that she (or her friends) are going to write about you on there. 1. There's nothing you can do about it. 2. 99.9% of it's going to be complete b.s.. and 3. It's not going to do you any good to read it. I had a couple co-workers keep her as friends so that they could let me know if she posted anything relevant (i.e. about the house).

[Fatheroffour]

Facebook is drama queen crack. Don't get hooked.

[secondman]

Hi All...

as for "getting that off my chest" -- yes, i felt like i lifted a weight. We have been in therapy but we never can just talk... she is playing the victim and it gets in the way of anything "real"

as for "man card" -- i'll earn it back (i'm sure) -- no hard feelings (my individual therapist said kind'a the same thing... need to get more in touch with my masculine side)

as for any more "telegraphing" -- no more... that WAS my last heartfelt written communication (and i ran the idea past a few advisors -- if it turns out to be an illadvised move, should we break, at least i did not do it "half cocked"; i did choose my words as carefully (and truthfully) as possible... did not point fingers, just said... i'm out of ideas... your move...

as for lawyer -- i spoke with one already and will speak with another. Mrs only makes ~ 40% of what i make... so, yeah, i'll be tossed over a barrel most likely (great! she RUINS our relationship... she RUINS our finances... she RUINS our kids "traditional family" and SHE gets to walk away "sitting pretty" -- i almost want to vomit!

daughter is 19 (in college), son is 13...

as for facebook: I have a very large family (some out of state) and would like to stay in contact with them, so... someday, i will go back on -- we'll just have to see what that is...


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the past 2 weeks have been "civil" -- not sure what to make of it...

and, well, i met with our joint therapist yesterday (solo). He is still quite perplexed by her and is thinking that she might have Anti Social Personality Disorder (ASPD)... GREAT!!

He also said: She treated you horribly, few would even try at this point (i paraphrase)...

i now have a BIGGER FOOT on the "dark path"

thanks for the advice...

this is GOING TO SUCK!

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

Hi All...

as for "getting that off my chest" -- yes, i felt like i lifted a weight. We have been in therapy but we never can just talk... she is playing the victim and it gets in the way of anything "real"

as for "man card" -- i'll earn it back (i'm sure) -- no hard feelings (my individual therapist said kind'a the same thing... need to get more in touch with my masculine side)

as for any more "telegraphing" -- no more... that WAS my last heartfelt written communication (and i ran the idea past a few advisors -- if it turns out to be an illadvised move, should we break, at least i did not do it "half < edited >"; i did choose my words as carefully (and truthfully) as possible... did not point fingers, just said... i'm out of ideas... your move...

as for lawyer -- i spoke with one already and will speak with another. Mrs only makes ~ 40% of what i make... so, yeah, i'll be tossed over a barrel most likely (great! she RUINS our relationship... she RUINS our finances... she RUINS our kids "traditional family" and SHE gets to walk away "sitting pretty" -- i almost want to vomit!

daughter is 19 (in college), son is 13...

as for facebook: I have a very large family (some out of state) and would like to stay in contact with them, so... someday, i will go back on -- we'll just have to see what that is...


-----------
the past 2 weeks have been "civil" -- not sure what to make of it...

and, well, i met with our joint therapist yesterday (solo). He is still quite perplexed by her and is thinking that she might have Anti Social Personality Disorder (ASPD)... GREAT!!

He also said: She treated you horribly, few would even try at this point (i paraphrase)...

i now have a BIGGER FOOT on the "dark path"

thanks for the advice...

this is GOING TO SUCK!

That could mean anything. You might have caught her post rag (NJ was bearable 1-2 weeks of the month...on average). She might have spoken with a lawyer or family member who told her to place nice. Who knows. I have an idea that if your NJ is anything like mine was, your idea of "civil" is more like the average persons idea of "tolerable." Seriously...when you finally step away from this situation, you're going to really (you think you are now) think..."what the **** was I thinking?"

Yup. I started to read a book called Splitting:... (http://www.amazon.com/Splitting-Protecting-Borderline-Narcissistic-Personality/dp/1608820254/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1345034174&sr=1-1&keywords=splitting) at the recommendation of someone else that had dealt with a NJ. You might benefit from taking a peek at that book. It will help you to read about how to deal with someone like that and to see that you aren't the only one in that boat.

As for your assets. If I were you...I would prepare to pull a significant chunk of your liquid assets and put them into an account that only you have access to. You need to leave her something...but as you pay all of the bills...you need access to the bulk of your funds before she purges the account and goes on a shoe, electronic, purse, etc. spree.