Contempt Motion

[Captain Trips]

Is it possible to file a motion for contempt and then withdraw it later?

Nj is being a typical NJ and I have a few issues of contempt stored up that are recurring and I am tired of arguing with her about them every time they come up. They really aren't worth going to trial over from a monetary standpoint, but she refuses to go to mediation to clear them up. The decree says that when disputes arise the parties are to attempt to settle them through mediation.

If I spend a few bucks to file the motion, it will have a couple of affects, I think. First it will force her to mediation because in my state everything has to go to mediation before a trial can be scheduled. Second, it will scare her a little bit that I am serious about getting these things cleared up.

I mentioned in another thread that she is very confident in everything she does because at our last mod hearing she got everything she wanted and then some. I am not all that interested in setting foot in a court room again, but I am also getting tired of the constant issues. I think if a rational third party explains things to her she might listen at least a little bit. If it comes from me she just goes off.

We only communicate via email and sometimes it is comical. When I remind her that the decree says X and we will do it that way she goes off and I get a series of about 10-12 emails, which I ignore, about everything under the sun, from a fight we had 10 years ago to how she thinks I need to pay for things that are clearly covered by the cs that I pay.

Any thoughts?

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

Sounds like a plan. For someone like that, they need to hear it from a third party.

That's the same kind of $h1t my NJ would pull on me. When I was getting fed up with her at the end, she had been picking at me about a couple things that I had done BEFORE WE EVEN GOT MARRIED. Seriously...I can't imagine being annoyed about something and waiting over a year to say something about it.

One thing in particular happened over a year before we got married and I didn't even know she knew about. If she had said something about it then, I would have literally kicked her to the curb, as it wasn't any of her goddamn business. I'm sure she knew that. She also figured that at that point, I was literally a captive audience.

[BartSimpson]

"Oh nooes, he filed a motion! Better straighten up!"

What a silly idea; filing for contempt in hopes of getting her compliance, then withdrawing the motion. What's that going to teach her? I bet you get less than a week's compliance from her after you dismiss the motion.

You file for contempt with the purpose of seeing it all the way through.

[Fatheroffour]

You better straighten up and I mean it. 1.....2........3.

Don't make me pull this car over!

[Trevor]

You'd better verify with your lawyer that any contempt issue you raise and then withdraw would not be ineligible for future contempt motions when (not if) she renegs on any deal or temporary behavioral change she might make. Don't blow your well-documented examples of violations with a game of whack-a-mole she'll be doing with your balls.

[capslock]

I will add that waiting to file contempt motions will upset a judge if they are items that could affect the child's best interest. Also, waiting may diminish your argument by allowing her to set a status quo, AND can lower the award for attorney fees. My judge referenced the first and 3rd items mentioned here.

[Captain Trips]

Ok, so probably not the best idea.

I just get tired of her changing the way she interprets the orders all the time. About 3-4 times a year she will change how she thinks about things, ie if Sunday is on the 1st day of the month is that the first weekend of the month or the last weekend of the prior month. She handles it one way one time and differently the next. When I point out that we should be consistent she goes on a three page rant about me trying to control her. I file those away for some future use and ignore them.

However when she changes things she doesn't always let me know, so I show up for the exchange to pick up the kids and she is a no-show. Or she has backed out on a trade a couple of times and didn't show up to exchange when I gave her the weekend she wanted first - I don't do that anymore.

Just things like that. They are frustrating more than anything, but probably not worth the money to take to court to get a slap on the wrist. I have scheduled mediation once to try to clear these things up and she said she wouldn't do it and NJ was a no show.

[Thoughts?]

The punchline on most of the above feedback isn't don't do it. It's don't do it if you don't have cause with some legit basis that you're willing to see all the way through.

On the changing things up & inconsistencies, that's hard on you & hard on the kids. A weekend needs to begin on a consistent night, not redefined by some borderline or narcicist every time it suits her. Otherwise, you & the kids will never be able to plan your parenting time together. Am simply using that as an example -- am sure there are others.

For this matter, you need to either find out what status quo is in your state, or if you're willing to work with her, document your desire to be flexible but insist on consistency. For example, in TX, 1st 3rd & 5th weekends are defined as weekends that start on the 1st 3rd or 5th Friday of the month. So bam -- she can't change that. And if she did, she should only be allowed to tweak it if mutually agreed and if it's firm & stays consistent for everyone. If she then failed to turn over the kids on your Friday, you would have cause to pursue a contempt charge, provided that you follow local laws or firm agreements....and local laws are the preferred scenario.

So your position here needs to be take a step back, stop getting drawn into reacting to her just changing things up & jacking you around, understand what your orders & your jurisdictions interpretation of key terms really means, hold her to it, document it, when she screws with it send a formal letter telling her to stop & to give you comp time, rinse, repeat, then sue.

If you have done the above, you will not be filing a frivolous charge, you will be drawing a boundary then enforcing it per orders & statutes, with a good documentation trail. That's what it is all about.

So with that framework, take the specific things she's done, don't allow yourself to be a door mat, evaluate according to these guidelines, and come back & let us know what kind of specific issues they are. If you can do that, we'll help you structure an enforcement or a doc trail to enable enforcement strategy. If you can't, you have a potentially frivolous enforcement charge where you could get nailed for fees.