Nervous ahead of court...any advice or words of wisdom?

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

I bailed back in early April. My attorney finally got me into court for a pendente lite relief hearing. In a nutshell...I've been paying for everything for the past 90+ days. NJ makes good money, but doesn't feel like she should have to pay for anything (everything is in my name). Married 11 months (VA) when separated and no kids of marriage (she has two from a previous marriage).

The relief concerns: 1. Getting her out of (my) house. 2. Getting her of my employer provided health insurance (costs me $400/month). 3. Getting her to take over her auto insurance policy. and 4. Getting her to refinance the car (in my name).

At this point, I'm shelling out $2,500+/month to sustain her existence, so there's really only one way this hearing can go. I stand to get something out of it...I'm just not sure exactly what (i.e. her to take over car, booted out of house, etc.).

I guess it's the uncertainty that gets me at the moment. My attorney said that they block off 30 minutes for each hearing, but to expect for it to take nowhere near that amount of time. I'm really hoping that NJ is a no-show. We had to tie in a fault based divorce filing just to get this hearing, so I'm betting that will get nasty if she shows up.Has anyone else had to do one of these relief hearings? How did it go?

I go to court in four days. The anticipation has been eating at me for the past few days and it only seems to get worse as the date approaches (not sleeping well at the moment).

[Rod27]

Sorry to hitchhike off your post but id also like to know about auto insurance. My NJ just bought her own car despite what her attorney filed, and i didnt want to be liable for her driving so i took her car off. She happened to logon or call Geico and she took her name off and bought her own insurance policy. Im almost sure she will try to use that i took her off against me.

The best thing i can recommend is to keep your cool and let her bury herself with drama. The judge will see you are a relaxed individual with self control. Dress to respect the judge and his courtroom.

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

Sorry to hitchhike off your post but id also like to know about auto insurance. My NJ just bought her own car despite what her attorney filed, and i didnt want to be liable for her driving so i took her car off. She happened to logon or call Geico and she took her name off and bought her own insurance policy. Im almost sure she will try to use that i took her off against me.

The best thing i can recommend is to keep your cool and let her bury herself with drama. The judge will see you are a relaxed individual with self control. Dress to respect the judge and his courtroom.

Well...she can't expect that you're going to pick up the tab for a car that she just ran off and bought. She changed the rules when she went out and did that. She can't complain that you dumped her from the insurance when she ran out and did something that was contrary to what her attorney filed.

It's pretty standard for people to separate the spouses policies when divorce is imminent. You insurance representative should have recommended that you separate the policy though (not just remove her from yours). That's not something that the average person would think of.

I already separated the two policies (though I'm currently paying for both). My truck (based in NH) and her car (based in VA). If my name weren't on her car though, I'd have just separated the two policies, had them notify her, and said **** it. As with you, liability was my main concern. I can't trust that she'd keep liability insurance on the car though. As it's in my name, it's my problem...until the judge says otherwise.

[Rod27]

Thx bubba....me and my NJ had an agreement that she would put me on her health insurance and I would put her on my car insurance. Things are different now.....but i guess I owe her a couple bucks. I don't think her job allows any health insurance changes til end of year.

[Chosen2Dad]

Bubba,

Can't give you legal experience, but psychological....I can do..you're already shoveling out 2500 to that damn NJ...you have a hearing to get that &^*% removed...it can only get better. I find it hard to believe after an 11 month marriage, you are getting the shaft, unless you're a nice guy like a lot of us are at times.

The insurance: is it in your name or hers? the car? Why can't you just cancel the plan? Maybe I'm missing something. I still pay for hers..since she pays the house/taxes/daycare...and I pay everything else...I know I could stop it, and I will once I am moved out of the house.

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

Thx bubba....me and my NJ had an agreement that she would put me on her health insurance and I would put her on my car insurance. Things are different now.....but i guess I owe her a couple bucks. I don't think her job allows any health insurance changes til end of year.

I doubt that...at least look into it. "Change in life circumstances" (or something to that effect) is listed as a reason to change/update insurance status for every employer provided plan that I've heard of. Divorce and/or updates to benefits as a result of a judges temporary order (i.e. this hearing I'm going in for) will work for that.

Bubba,

Can't give you legal experience, but psychological....I can do..you're already shoveling out 2500 to that damn NJ...you have a hearing to get that &^*% removed...it can only get better. I find it hard to believe after an 11 month marriage, you are getting the shaft, unless you're a nice guy like a lot of us are at times.

The insurance: is it in your name or hers? the car? Why can't you just cancel the plan? Maybe I'm missing something. I still pay for hers..since she pays the house/taxes/daycare...and I pay everything else...I know I could stop it, and I will once I am moved out of the house.

Yup. That's what I'm thinking at the moment.

Yeah...I'm too damn nice. The problem is that (in my opinion) just booting them out would have done damage to my case. Yes...I've essentially paid everything for her for the past three months. On the other hand...I've given her three months notice. In giving her notice, I think/hope that a judge will look favorably on the steps that I've taken...and not being cutthroat. Who knows though...I may still get < edited > for 6+ months of SS.

The loan for the car is in my name. Like a < lunkhead > though, I titled it in both of our names. I can't just cancel the insurance because I need to ensure that it has liability coverage until I can either: A. Get her to refinance the car in her name exclusively, or B. Give the car back to me so that I can get rid of it.

As for the health insurance...a change in marital status will permit me to get her and her kids off my plan and onto her employer provided plan.

Virginia is a ******* joke where divorces are concerned. As she's being a pain in the < hindquarters > and refusing to sign a PSA, it's going to take me 12 months to get rid of her < hindquarters >, lol. That's longer than we were together.

[KeepingMyKids]

Same boat as you on the nerves going back to court thing (I have a hearing tomorrow), so I'm sending any positive energy I can spare your way. Or, to riff off your username: "I'm gonna lean up against you, you just lean right back against me. This way, we don't have to sleep with our heads in the mud."

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

Same boat as you on the nerves going back to court thing (I have a hearing tomorrow), so I'm sending any positive energy I can spare your way. Or, to riff off your username: "I'm gonna lean up against you, you just lean right back against me. This way, we don't have to sleep with our heads in the mud."

Good luck with your hearing.

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

I'm curious if anyone has input on what to expect. i.e. The format of the pendente lite hearing, duration (supposedly 30 minutes...though I was told to expect it to be much shorter), etc.

[Fatheroffour]

The typical experience is that in the couple of minutes you are there the judge establishes the way it is (status quo) as a court order until trial. Generally, that's why moving out is such a horrible idea.

Better make sure your attorney is very aggressive about NOT keeping things the way they are or you will be really screwed for another year or so until trial.