Even years later..simply amazed... (CS issue)

[DadnMaryland]

Although separated 12 years, and divorced 10 years (and now remarried)...I am still amazed by the system.

My first wife, of whom I share two teens, continued even up to this last year to refuse to provide me any proof of income or work. Although I have voluntarily (as per the MSA) raised CS a bit over the last decade, based upon my income, I finally went back to the original amount (1200), when she refused to provide any tax info, income statements, etc this last few months. Our MSA notes a natural escalation clause, but it doesn't just apply to my income. Either way, I probably should have kept paying her the $1500 a month I had been the last few years, but I also had a legal right to know her income. I haven't technically violated anything and my attorney doesn't believe I will be paying retro on anything (since I have proof she refused to provide any income info, in an email). I am remarried, three children, etc. We are doing ok. We work hard, take care of our kids, etc. (the custodial matters with my eldest are another topic, but no huge issues).

So she files (interstate, UIFSA) case, for an increase, we have our settlement conf and hearing later this summer. I'm looking at maybe 2300, maybe a bit less with some permissible deviations. But, her income is listed as $710 a month. She has not worked full time in over ten years. In fact, not even 20 hours a week and for most years, not at all. Instead, just living there in her father's house with my kids, taking vacations, (on his or her siblings' dime). Blah blah blah.

Now, we all know what a joke inputted income is. I'm going to be paying more than the original order, either way. The state of MD could input a million dollars for the woman..she still isn't going to work. Only NCP parents have to worry about inputted income, because you have to actually show up with the cash, or risk prison.

So, despite their representations on their state webpage (like all states), this phony: "Children deserve the income of both parents", when MD raises my CS based upon my income, they are essentially adopting her position, which is: MY children deserve X amount over the original order, but only so long as it comes from their father..his labor, his income.

I'm not asking for advice. Just complaining (I get to do that, been thru all the battles at this point). How I would love a Judge Judy type to lean over the bench and shake her finger at her and tell her: Before you come to this court and demand ANYTHING, you do like every other 45 year old out there with a four year degree (since 1990). GET A JOB..doing ANYTHING.

Just too funny. Seriously. My wife just have to sit back and laugh sometimes to avoid going crazy. That a full grown adult can go to a court and get money from another adult to support those children she cares so much about ..that she refuses to work 40 hours a week herself to support...well, ya know the rest of the argument. Men are in prison for making only $710 a month..and they had no defense that they could provide a home for the children. No court ever cared about that. But nope..not with her. She's a mommy...

insane.

[kangaroocourt]

Well said, sir.

[Chris A]

Could have wrote that myself. Mine sells real estate sold 2 houses in a year. Big whoop!! 1/3 my income for support.

[DadnMaryland]

We live in a culture where a 45-year old with a college degree, who makes $710 a month can waltz into a CSE office, and later court room, and demand more money over an original child support order.

Someone who functionally does not support her own children financially, and we can conclude, refuses to based upon her lack of diligence in obtaining full-time work the last decade, can make outrageous financial demands upon our family all in the name of two teenage children.

My wife's parents (immigrants, like my wife), work as janitors in the public schools at night-and they are in their 60's. I guess that kinda work is below my college-educated ex-wife.

That we even have such a system that supports my ex-wife, complete with a cadre of over-zealous ("we'd like to avoid a court hearing, just give us what we demand"), offends the heritage of my family that fought and died for this country from 1774 onward. And brothers I know, I don't have it near as bad as most of you. That's why I give ($$) to Fathers&Families.com. And I will support you long after my kids are grown.

Maybe I should emigrate. I'm really thinking it's time to check out of America. If even for my two youngest sons' sake.

[Fatheroffour]

Where is the greener grass?

[DadnMaryland]

FoF, 13,000 posts, brother?

Yes, a question my wife and I often ask. She is from Latin America, and while CS issues are generally more favorable, other matters are not.

We've both wondered what impact lesbian divorce will have on the whole CS (and custody/Family Law) "industry" in general. On one hand, we believe you will have more female "victims" (often non-bio moms, forced to be NCPs) who will complain about CS and actually get airtime, shedding light on our cause.

On the other hand, one has to wonder, will we be reading in 5 years in some liberal Washington Post article, about how judges find it "easier" to give lesbian divorcees presumptive joint-custody, and thus, more equitable CS (based upon percentages of time). Thus, taking the possible wind out of our sails before we get to demonstrate how ridiculous and arcane CS laws are. It may be interesting to see how gay male divorce vs. lesbian divorce plays out over time (one being more peaceful, one being more vicious...I'll let you decide which will be worse).

[Fatheroffour]

FoF, 13,000 posts, brother?

This place is much more active than it used to be with many more dads showing up looking for help.

We've both wondered what impact lesbian divorce will have on the whole CS (and custody/Family Law) "industry" in general.

I think the rising numbers of fathers fighting for and getting custody (thanks in part to our efforts right here) and the resulting rising numbers of women saddled with 'unfair' CS obligation will have a greater impact than lesbian divorces on CS legislative reform.

[hanzblinx]

living there in her father's house with my kids, taking vacations

Agreed. My ex is 33 and has never had a job. Not even part time. She was imputed minimum wage. The CS worksheet clearly says she is responsible to contribute $300/month towards the children.

However, that side of CS is overlooked by the state. Only the other side where I have to pay $1200/month plus 100% health insurance for her to sit around in her dad's house and spend the kid's CS on herself as she pleases. Housing, food, utilities are covered by her parents.

The only consolation is she is in for a rude awakening if and when her parental gravy train ends, and she has zero work experience, education, or willingness to lift a finger. Her parents wont live forever.

[kangaroocourt]

When I first went through this thing, I had lost my job and I was unemployed (my wife was a stay at home mom). The first lawyer I consulted with told me: "If you want any shot at seeing your kid more than eow, you need to get a job like yesterday." Of course, my response: "Wouldn't that same logic apply to my wife?" Lawyer: "It doesn't work that way in court for fathers." Which begs the question: why not? That is, IF the maxim 'in the best interests of the children' is truly the standard and not the pretense used to harm innocent men.

[Fatheroffour]

Because the notion of impartiality of the law and equality under it is a sham. Lip service.

We do the same with 'freedom'. We go across the world fighting ghost to "protect our freedoms" when its our neighbors that are the ones actually taking them from us.