Communicating medical information

[RiseAgainst]

So NJ's girlfriend dropped off the kids to my fiancee this afternoon for our midweek overnight and she informed my fiancee that S6 went to the dentist today had 2 teeth extracted and was given Nitrous. This appointment was this morning and I still have yet to get any type of communication from NJ.

Whenever I have taken the kids for ANY type of medical visit, I always send NJ a full synopsis of the visit even if it was relatively uneventful. I just feel like she should know everything that I would have communicated if we were still together.

I sent her an email letting her know that her not communicating this visit was inexcusable and pointed out that this was not the first time she has done it.

It really upsets me. I feel like she thinks that I am not worthy of this information or something. I don't know...just angry right now. Am I overreacting here?

[secondhalf]

I feel like she thinks that I am not worthy of this information or something

Well of course, that is a NJ's mentality.

I'm sure that NJ believes her responsiblity has ended after she informed your fiance; also a NJ mentality: "Tell anyone that might have a relationship with father in hopes that the information will get to him. That way I don't have to talk to father directly"

[RC211V]

I had probs like that. I started making the appointments and taking the kids more, until I now do pretty much all that stuff. It takes time for it to work, but that is a strategy that worked for me. Just take over, don't ask about it, get stuff done before she has a chance, you will know about everything because you went and did it.

[Fatheroffour]

Looks like overreaction for a routine dental procedure.

If you are so concerned about the childs health, why have you not actually spoken to the doctor that performed the procedure rather than relying on a no-knowledge hack that most likely can't spell or properly pronounce the name of the procedures to relay critical medical information about your child?

You were informed. If you have questions you should contact the provider rather than rely on her as a conduit for your information.

That goes both ways,BtW.

[BartSimpson]

One wonders what you would have done differently if you had the information?

But the interesting part of this story to me is;

So NJ's girlfriend dropped off the kids to my fiancee this afternoon for our midweek overnight

So her girlfriend and your girlfriend are doing all the heavy lifting?

[RiseAgainst]

One wonders what you would have done differently if you had the information?

It's not that I would have done anything differently, like it FOF said, it was a routine procedure. I guess there's just a disconnect between what we each think should be relayed to the other parent and it's frustrating.

So her girlfriend and your girlfriend are doing all the heavy lifting?

As far at this goes, I hardly consider the kids being dropped off at the house an hour or so before I get home from work the "heavy lifting". Nor is her girlfriend agreeing to watch the kids for a bit and bring them over so that the ex can go to work. I consider myself lucky that my kids have people around them that love and care for them and are willing to help.

[BartSimpson]

As far at this goes, I hardly consider the kids being dropped off at the house an hour or so before I get home from work the "heavy lifting". Nor is her girlfriend agreeing to watch the kids for a bit and bring them over so that the ex can go to work. I consider myself lucky that my kids have people around them that love and care for them and are willing to help.

Absolutely! You've seen the numerous threads about this, haven't you. It is a huge sign of maturity - and you are to be commended.

But if you get along so well on that level, why this hang-up with detailed info on the routine? It seems disconnected? You and your ex-wife have busy lives, and enjoy the help of others - but when that same busy-ness prevents the information from being related directly, and is exchanged through the same helpers that care for your children, you get frustrated?

[RiseAgainst]

but when that same busy-ness prevents the information from being related directly, and is exchanged through the same helpers that care for your children, you get frustrated?

I appreciate your perspective on this...I hadn't thought about it like that. I guess I felt like the information sould have come from MOM to DAD, but when I look at it from your perspective, it makes sense and this wasn't a hell worthy offense or anything-I got the info, our son is safe and healthy and it wasn't an emergency.

I need to remind myself to let situations and information "marinate" for a while before I react.

Thanks

[newwife]

Her girlfriend telling your fiancee kid had nitro had nothing to do with informing you of anything.
It was letting your fiance know kid might be acting funny.
Just like when my ex picks up I say "she ate a banana".

You have not been informed at all. It's not that it's going thru her gf to your gf to you. She didn't tell you anything about dentist.
But, you can not rely on ex. I would call dentist to see why kid had teeth removed. Perhaps poor dental hygiene?

[Fatheroffour]

Or removal of canines to prevent braces.

Let's not jump to conclusions just for the sake of causing trouble.