401k/Buying out wife - Mortgage

[sco]

Lives in Ohio, doing a dissolution pro se. I have a 401k with only $7k. My employer wants to charge me between $750 - $1500 to review and approve a QDRO, plus I'll need to pay a lawyer just as much to draw the QDRO, plus my time and aggravation. That would wipe 1/2 off the value before any distribution, RIDICULOUS.

So I just wanna do (a lump sum cash buy out) for 1/2 of my 401k, say $3500, stbx agrees.

Thing is I don't have $3500 lump sum right now to give her, my question is:

#1- would the judge agree for me to pay the $3500 in monthly installment, say $200 a month (stbx is ok with it).
#2- Would I be allowed to pay it directly to her as it is a property settlement not alimony, (cause in ohio when there's child support, alimony has to be attached to it) however we agree on no alimony.
#3- she will stay in the family home with the kids untill the house is sold in 1yr, I'm paying cs. But I also agree to provide monthly 25% ($280) of the mortgage payment. Does that get pay directly to her or will the court force me to get it deducted directly thru my payroll like child support.

Anyone with any insight or experience with this please help, thanks!

[BartSimpson]

Generally speaking, if you two agree, the Court isn't likely to change it unless the agreement is unfair or illegal.

But as a rule, on-going entanglements of finances after a divorce are horrible. What looks good on paper often translates into disaster in application, like when she doesn't pay her 75% of the morgage.

Or when you send her your 25% and she doesn't pay any of the morgage.

Or when she prevents the sale of the home by passive-aggressive means; not availing it for showings, unkept and dirty, damages not repaired.

Or she moves next month to Mr. Wonderful's house and abandons the property.

There are huge advantages to going through payroll deductions and using State systems for child support. Why do you not like the idea?

[sco]

I'm already paying cs thru the state thru payroll, and I'm ok with that. It's just that I'm doing a pro se dissol and the paperwork involved for the court AND MY HR is RIDICULOUS.

2nd, I'm the one who pays the monthly mortgage, I collect rent from her... so having an additional $480 deducted from my paycheck is so risky since it takes 2/3 weeks to get to her and her to turn around and give it right back to me. We would just avoid all that.

Now as for as the list of risks you mentionned... my friend I know it all well, and there's not a darn thing I can do about it till the house is sold. So Far no one in this situation has been able to figure it out but to hope all goes well. It's a HUDGE risk, but it's a calculated risk vs battling her in court and get the book thrown at me. Worst scenario I let them foreclose, shot credit for 8yrs, but done with divorce and keep with my sanity -

[BartSimpson]

What will you do when she doesn't pay rent?

Maybe you should hold that $3500 in escrow and apply it toward her rent?

The solution to your house payment and sale problem was to not move out until it is sold.

But let me guess - you already moved out of the house, and you get to see your kids every other weekend and dinner once a week, right? Is Child Support based on the state calculations? You paying a part of the house clouds that calculation.

Very few can do a pro se divorce after 14 years of marriage, and get it right. It's the reason you can't get a GED from a law school. Why no attorney to review the details prior to the final hearing?

[tom kirkpatrick]

At a time like this, you don't need another monthly payment. You've got more than enough on your plate as it is. Do everything you can to cash her out.

Remember, as the saying goes, "Cash talks." Explain to your stbx the costs associated with a lump sum payment. Then subtract that amount from her half. Even if you hafta use your 401K as colleratal for a personal loan, throw that amount on the table. BTW - don't forget to subtract the interest on your loan when making your offer.

Rule of thumb = When talking cash, never pay the full amount.

Instead, Negotiate!! Negotiate!! Negotiate!!

Tom