NJ threatens she will never let me have my son again

[BartSimpson]

Long story short, I had this big vacation planned with all my kids after I won time with them, and my son didn't get to go because he had a mental breakdown. He is 6, by the way. He hit his mother and tried to suffocate himself by shoving tissue down his throat. Just got back from our vacation, and he didn't get to go because he was at a psychiatric facility for about 10 days. He has since been released.

Your 6 year old son spent 10 days in an inpatient psychiatric facility? That is highly unusual for a case of sibling rivalry, and threatening suicide is not a concept that 6 year olds comprehend. I don't think you have enough information about what is going on with your son and that consult with the Doctor is very important.

I do believe his troubles are mostly environmental.

In other words, you think it's mom's fault, and she thinks it's your fault, and the kid makes no progress. That's why I feel sad for your kid. I bet he is on meds for this right?

[Dad1st&4ever]

Your 6 year old son spent 10 days in an inpatient psychiatric facility? That is highly unusual for a case of sibling rivalry, and threatening suicide is not a concept that 6 year olds comprehend. I don't think you have enough information about what is going on with your son and that consult with the Doctor is very important.

He was diagnosed with PTSD. From what, I am not sure. Will find out as soon as I can.

In other words, you think it's mom's fault, and she thinks it's your fault, and the kid makes no progress. That's why I feel sad for your kid. I bet he is on meds for this right?

Of COURSE NJ blames me. I don't solely blame her; there are a LOT of moving parts here. He is on meds for ADHD.

[Dad1st&4ever]

NJ just sent me an email that I will not be getting either of my children tomorrow. I have no idea what it is I'm supposed to have done; every time she starts this, that's the one thing she leaves out. She said that she explained the situation to my daughter about why my son can't be here with me anymore, and that she through tears said she also felt safer if visits were supervised - after we just had the best 3 weeks ever together. NJ has had CPS open an investigation against me, so I may hear from them Monday. I send the email on to my attorney.


Just @*(&$P#*$&#*($&#(*$& fantastic. Now instead of one happy family I have two confused and sad ones.

[kangaroocourt]

Hey man, I'm sorry you are going through this, your story is just awful. I'll say a prayer for you.

Listen, this is kind of off topic to what you are going through right now, but I have to warn you about ADD/ADHD meds. They are extremely bad news, dude...whether adderol or ritalin or any of them really. ALL of these meds are pharmaceutical grade speed (amphetamine) of varying strength. I was put on that stuff as an adult; I tested off the charts for ADHD, and I can tell you from personal experience that those meds don't belong within 500 yards of any 6yr old. Most adults can't handle it. I know there is probably nothing you can do about it now, but aim to get your son off that crap. My guess is those meds had/have everything to do with your sons mental issues.

[Dad1st&4ever]

He was put on them pretty recently, so you may be right. NJ pulled him out of school because he was being bullied and started homeschooling him, then started noticing his ADHD (it's pretty obvious he has it. Don't know why it took NJ so long). Anyway, he was having outbursts and stuff before that, but they have gotten worse and worse. NJ blames it on having to be around me, however, I have to wonder about the drug he's on. In my opinion it hasn't helped him, I do know that much. I believe his dose was increased while he was at the treatment facility.

My sister's family is going to help me out financially with this case and my wife is applying for night jobs. Really hope to hear back from my lawyer ASAP.

[Thoughts?]

I don't know what kind of resources you can muster. But you need to get a psych eval ordered on her, you need a PhD level child psychologist who you help hire seeing your son, and you need a good child psychologist to do a med check. Then, to keep costs managed, you get a Guardian Ad Litem to interview them and issue a report to the court -- as you will pay high $$$ to get them to come to court & testify directly. Or alternatively, depose them at their offices.

Also if you were court-orderd to have time with the child, you were court ordered to have that time, and she cannot withdraw that. Let her file a baseless CPS claim -- that doesn't give her any credibility, and can backfire on her if not factual.

Are you joint legal? Have you reviewed the medical records? Did you participate in the hospital admission session? Have you met with his psychiatrist or psychologist?

[Dad1st&4ever]

I don't know what kind of resources you can muster. But you need to get a psych eval ordered on her, you need a PhD level child psychologist who you help hire seeing your son, and you need a good child psychologist to do a med check.

Agreed. Their "therapist" is and has been a complete joke. But how can I hire a good psychologist to work with my son? I have zero say when it comes to decision making and medical stuff. NJ would never allow it.

Then, to keep costs managed, you get a Guardian Ad Litem to interview them and issue a report to the court -- as you will pay high $$$ to get them to come to court & testify directly. Or alternatively, depose them at their offices.

Thank you for this. I will ask my atty to get on this.

Also if you were court-ordered to have time with the child, you were court ordered to have that time, and she cannot withdraw that. Let her file a baseless CPS claim -- that doesn't give her any credibility, and can backfire on her if not factual.

According to her email, she was advised by all involved to not let my son be around me unsupervised, ever. I have NO IDEA what on earth he or NJ is saying I did. She even called the state police to do a report on me, as advised by someone at the psych facility, if I have my facts straight. And how can I see my kids according to the court order if police can't/won't back me up? Now, several entities are involved here, and they don't know yet that all of this craziness is bogus.

Are you joint legal?

No. I have < parenting time > order only.

Have you reviewed the medical records?

No. But I will call on Monday. All this stuff was done while I was out of town. Do I think the timing of all this was intentional? Yes, yes I do.

Did you participate in the hospital admission session?

No. All of this was done before I ever knew about it. It happened on a Thursday night (so after I'd had my phone calls with the kids already for the week) and he was admitted the next day on Friday.

Have you met with his psychiatrist or psychologist?

No, but I did get to visit my son 3 times for 1 hour, Saturday Sunday and Monday (Memorial Day they counted that as a weekend day or else I only would have gotten to seem him twice). There was no visiting hours on week days and I only saw one doctor during those visits and he was not his psychiatrist. Then on Weds I had to leave to take my DD on the vacation - NJ insisted that I had to go or else DD could not. Now I know why she was so adamant about that.

It sounds like I have been accused of some very physical stuff for all this to go down with CPS, etc. I wouldn't be surprised if they rolled my wife up into this mess too. I won't know until someone comes to investigate me. But yes, my number one priority is gathering funds and getting a psych eval on NJ, and me, if that's how it works.

If you're the praying type, please pray that everyone who's supposed to help me, helps me. I am on pins and needles until I hear from my attorney and hear him say, "Let's do this." My wife has known the kids for 5 years, so after all the crap we've already dealt with, she's incredibly upset, too. Usually she's the "strong one" but now I'm having to keep from breaking down so that she won't.

I know I am not supposed to be surprised, but I was really relieved and I thought we'd finally really gotten somewhere, and it was livable, and now here comes this BS.


Edit: I see typos and such. Please excuse. I'm not in a happy place right now.

[kangaroocourt]

What a mess. If this were me, I would go the contempt route that so many on here have recommended and succeeded with. Make sure you get it documented and proven, with witnesses if possible, that she is refusing you the court ordered < parenting time >. By the way, one of the thing that irks me about a situation like this is if you did the same thing and refused to return your son, they'd have you in jail in about 2 shakes of a lamb's tail. Anyway, most here have recommended that you build up several of these instances before nailing her in court.

As far as the meds go, unfortunately my experience is that all shrinks and people of similar ilk drink the same koolaid. It's really kind of sick, to tell you the truth. When I was young I tried cocaine a couple of times (I'm not proud of it), and ADD/ADHD meds are stronger than cocaine. Again, this stuff should be nowhere near any 6 yr old (and for that matter, probably most adults shouldn't touch it, either). So if I were you my plan would be to leverage your NJ unreasonableness against her with the plan to eventually get custody of your son. It can be done, but it won't happen overnight.

[BartSimpson]

While the circumstances you face are difficult, and you have my sincere concern, there is something missing here.

PTSD is the result of a catastrophic event - something triggered the behavior. What is the alledged event that occured and when did it occur?

Children with PTSD remember the event, and while they may not get the order of things correct, they know exactly what happened. There is no such thing as "repressed memory", so the event that triggered this is available. Children re-enact the event in play therapy with great detail.

Since 90% of the Children diagnosed with PTSD relate it to some sexual abuse, I'm going to take a wild guess that this is what is being alledged in your case.

Given the shotgun style of your ex-wife, of calling State Troopers and CPS, while the child has had contact with numerous mandatory reporters, it seems that she is the only one who believes that you are responsible, right? None of the professionals that your son has had contact with have reported you to any authority?

You are at a distance from your child, having moved away from him and getting remarried quickly after the divorce, if I recall correctly, and being present for Doctors appointments, therapy sessions and even court proceedings is difficult. Do I remember correctly?

[Dad1st&4ever]

While the circumstances you face are difficult, and you have my sincere concern, there is something missing here.

PTSD is the result of a catastrophic event - something triggered the behavior. What is the alledged event that occured and when did it occur? Children with PTSD remember the event, and while they may not get the order of things correct, they know exactly what happened. There is no such thing as "repressed memory", so the event that triggered this is available. Children re-enact the event in play therapy with great detail.

The allegation is that his mental break was because he was really, REALLY, not wanting to come to my house for 6 weeks. I have not heard why or what it is I'm accused of doing to him yet. I am honestly looking forward to the CPS investigation because I don't know why he would be afraid or what he's said has happened. There is some serious manipulation and alienation going on at NJ's house. I'm sure I deal with him differently than at NJ's house, but in NO WAY have I been abusive to him.

Since 90% of the Children diagnosed with PTSD relate it to some sexual abuse, I'm going to take a wild guess that this is what is being alledged in your case.

Then I think you'd be wrong. Then again, I put nothing past NJ. She kid of hinted at going that route once years ago. I have absolutely nothing to hide; bring on the investigation.

Given the shotgun style of your ex-wife, of calling State Troopers and CPS, while the child has had contact with numerous mandatory reporters, it seems that she is the only one who believes that you are responsible, right? None of the professionals that your son has had contact with have reported you to any authority?

According to her, the first therapist my son talked to reported me to the state police child abuse hotline. But again, I don't know what he's saying and I'm anxious to find out. Everything was just fine the last time he went back to NJ's.

You are at a distance from your child, having moved away from him and getting remarried quickly after the divorce, if I recall correctly, and being present for Doctors appointments, therapy sessions and even court proceedings is difficult. Do I remember correctly?

No, you don't. NJ moved them away to where they are now. I didn't date anyone except my current wife and that was about a year after the divorce was final. We only got married 2 years ago. Also I am legally blind and can't drive, so NJ sees the distance as a great thing.