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Bring the kids back to CO. Custody cases are accepted by courts based on jurisdiction and if you wait too long WA will become the jurisdiction. If I understand correctly you are moving to DC and that's going to suck because unless agreed otherwise your custody/divorce case jurisdiction will be where you/stbx/kids are resident.
File for Divorce and ask the court for Exclusive Use and Possession of the marital home (to keep the stbx off the property). If you get E U & P and stbx comes on the property then call 911. If stbx comes onto the property she probably won't get charged with criminal trespassing, but the (divorce case) judge will want to have a chit chat with her about why she violated the the courts E U & P order.
Start recording your phone calls with the stbx.
Have a PI do a background check on Mr. Wonderful. You might find some interesting dirt on him.
Buy your kids some iPads with 3G/4G wireless service. If the kids go missing with your iPad(s) then you can locate the (iPad(s)) with the finder service.
Most importantly: stop talking to the stbx. You may think you're being a nice guy, doing the right things, or resolving things at lower cost than an attorney can. The court and her attorney will twist it around and make you look like a POS every time you had contact with her.
Your stbx walked out of your life, took your kids out of state, and jumped right into the open arms of Mr. Wonderful. There's no point in reasoning with her or trusting her again.
You might get really lucky. If stbx really, really likes Mr. Wonderful she may forget about you and the kids. I think many others on this forum would really like it if their stbx would find a Mr. Wonderful and you hit the jackpot.
Finances: Get every dollar of cash you have available and start liquidating what ever you can before a divorce complaint is filed. Get some extra credit cards too and refinance/credit line the marital home. As soon as the complaint is filed the court will freeze your major assets. If you think what you've spent so far is a lot of dough just wait until the attorney bills start rolling in the door. Don't be surprised if your wife's attorney asks the court to make you cough up $10,000 to $20,000 advance on fees.
My nj/stbx cost me around USD 8,000 per fornication session.
My nj/stbx had this in mind (and still does) for me: the manipulated man by Esther Vilar
Hope this helps explain the situation a little more.
Let me clarify something - none of that matters other than to add more foolishness to your resume.
You were foolish to trust her. You were foolish to even listen to her. You were epicly foolish to not return home with the kids while you had them. You, sir, are being very foolish. It is time to defend the future of your children, which you are otherwise leaving to the whims of your wife.
For the sake of my liberty and freedom, I hope that the state of our armed forces is not so foolish.
I was merely giving you all some background info. I don't feel that naive anymore. I'm a peacemaker by nature and I was trying my best to make this work. I am seeing that's not the case. I don't think it was foolish to keep calm and not do anything rash before I understood the entire situation.
Now i can see the combative posture she's adopting and I am ready to respond proportionately...probably more severely. Believe me I'm neither a fool, nor a pushover. I wanna know I have done my best to resolve this before I resort to the law. That way I can show my kids when they grow up that daddy tried his darnest to raise them in an intact home with their real mom and dad together.
I had to go throw up first after reading this.... She wants she wants she wants... Good grief who cares what she wants. When are you moving to Washington DC? Why not shut off the financial faucet, go get your kids and make her fight you? You should probably file as soon as u get them back in the marital home/state. Look its hard to imagine but mr wonderful is on ur team ready to help you. And the mr wonderful effect doesn't last that long. If I had to put a time frame on it 6 maybe 8 months tops. The first 3 are prime months to get your goals accomplished. Imagine this as a scenario. You do what you have to (lie to her, buy mr wonderful some snap on tools, whaterver it takes!) to get a dinner, over night with the kids where she is at. As soon as you have them you bring them back home. Shut off her money and start liquidation of your assets to raise capital. Keep lying to her. Tell her you want to keep them a few days, then keep making excuses to buy yourself time (prob a good idea to do this in a manner that isn't recorded in any form) She's gonna be busy doing all the things in bed with mr wonderful that she wouldn't do with you. File for divorce, temp custody. As soon as she is served and goes ballistic stop all communication and make her fight you. Gonna be tough on grease monkeys pay. Here's how he may help you though. All these 2 care about right now is this pipe dream they have come up with. In his mind the dream is a whole lot better without your bratty kids getting in the way. She may not see it that way, but he talked her into grabbing the kids and moving up with him, whose to say he won't talk her into just letting you have the kids so they can enjoy making up for lost time.
For the sake of those kids do something other than give a rip what she wants.... Don't help her destroy your relationship with your children. Fight! Hopefully by now you have realized she is a POS and aren't entertaining thoughts of reconsiliations.... It's a hard pill to swallow, I know.
armedforcesguy wrote: I don't think it was foolish to keep calm and not do anything rash before I understood the entire situation.
Your house was on fire, sir. You could see smoke pouring from the windows. You could hear the sounds of glass breaking. You could smell the odors of burning plastic. You did not effect emergency measures until you understood that the ENTIRE house was fully involved in fire and a total loss?
And to not do anything rash? You were really just hoping that wifey was cooking something special for dinner?
Fess up, sir. You buried you head in the sand, keeping calm had nothing to do with it.
armedforcesguy wrote:Now i can see the combative posture she's adopting and I am ready to respond proportionately...probably more severely. Believe me I'm neither a fool, nor a pushover. I wanna know I have done my best to resolve this before I resort to the law.
Resort to the law? WTF? Why is using immediately available legal means a last resort? This is where you get under my skin, sir. As a professional in the military, you know that your graduate education, professional experience and specialized training should have seen the combative stance she was taking the day after you put those kids on that Airplane.
Instead you were a kockold husband. You payed your wifey so she could be doing another man with your kids in the next room. That's a pushover and a fool, sir.
armedforcesguy wrote:That way I can show my kids when they grow up that daddy tried his darnest to raise them in an intact home with their real mom and dad together
You did absolutely nothing for the children, except deliver a Red Cross care package.
The only thing you showed your kids here was that you refused to rescue them, that you should negotiate with terrorists, and that standing by in time of emergency is proper.
armedforcesguy wrote:I am meeting with an attorney Tuesday.
Good! And you should bring your kids with you to the meeting.
Seriously, dude. You should buy a ticket today - fly out tonight - find your kids tomorrow morning and go pick them up, Seal Team Six style. Quietly and calmly get them in the clothes they are in, without stopping to chat with anyone - and fly them home.
That will show that you did your darnest to raise them in an intact home with a real dad - you have no control over the mom part.
Amerdforcesguy don't take the harsh and direct approach the wrong way. Most of us know the "fog" you are in and are just trying to slap you hard enough to get you out of it. We can see clearly whats going on because we have no emotional ties to the situation though, it stirs us up because we have been in your shoes and know what your up against. Emotions are a hard thing to deal with.... We know this.
Txbizman wrote:Amerdforcesguy don't take the harsh and direct approach the wrong way. Most of us know the "fog" you are in and are just trying to slap you hard enough to get you out of it. We can see clearly whats going on because we have no emotional ties to the situation though, it stirs us up because we have been in your shoes and know what your up against. Emotions are a hard thing to deal with.... We know this.
You know what you have to do.....
keep us updated
Thank you for saying this. I do get the value in "tough love" but I guess being called a "kuckcold husband" was a little too much for me. It truly does have to do with me being calm. In February, my 7 year old daughter was molested. That was pretty much my worst nightmare come true. I carry a full-size .45 at all times so I can protect my family and myself - mainly myself so I can be there for my family their whole lives. Instead of going to that guy's house and blowing a hole in his face, I had to compose myself and call the cops, suffer through countless forensic interviews they subjected my baby girl to in order to get to the bottom of this. Guys, I don't know how I did it, how I absorbed that much fury in me.
That fact is, I am eyeballs deep in some crazy stuff not just the in military but also in the defense sector and my livelihood depends entirely upon me being a stable and a cool-headed person. Everything I do must be above reproach. I have to think long and hard each time before I act. Assess my situation, consider ramifications, consequences from many different aspects, think long term and determine a course of action for the short term. I can't just nuke everything as my initial response. I can't be like my ex and first leave and then when I run out of money, email me and say "I have NO MONEY left".
I am very angry, I am extremely hurt, I miss my babies miserably. While I can surely hop on a plane and bring them back here, that will solve only 1 of the dozen problems I am facing right now. Right now I'm very mobile, I'm not having to deal with finding babysitting, trying to rearrange my schedule to accommodate being a single dad, my expenses are there but not as much as they would be if the kids were with me. I need every single dime right now to fight. I have jobs to keep, which will allow me to keep fighting. I do have an advantage. Yeah her side of the family is loaded and will probably open the floodgates for her but I can't let that deter me.
There was a time up until a week ago, where yes, Bart is right, I was burying my head in the sand hoping what I'm seeing unfold is not real, but I guess it's a process I had to go through. I am still the same person I was when we were together. But she seems entirely different. I still treat her respectfully because I realize it's over but now I need to segregate issues in my mind and keep my anger out of the equation and talk civilly with her. She sometimes can but most of the times she is only mad and she wants the whole world. Maybe it's a woman thing. They're vindictive. I don't know. The way I see it is, "hey what's done is done. it's over. I've dealt with my hurt and anger. Now we need to protect and raise our babies best as we can by putting them first." She agrees in word, but not in action. But I still have to keep my same attitude so when it does come to it, I can show the judge I really do have my kids best interest in mind and she doesn't. I have a long list of things to present to the judge if it comes to that. I just shouldn't tip my hand publicly in case her friends or attorney (if she has one) is reading these. But suffice it to say, I'm not sitting on my hands hoping for the best anymore - more preparing for the worst.
Fatheroffour wrote:My kids mom was a SAHM. I came home one day to an empty house and a letter.
I took my kids back and kept them until the temporary hearing and eventually ended up with primary custody.
As a result, I do not advocate being passive and hoping.
Wow, that's rough. Sorry! I guess there's a period of vulnerability when you're first hit and you wobble a little but eventually get back on your feet and fight back (UFC style, so to speak). I'd like to think I'm not wobbling anymore.