Guys, help with advice please

[singledad111]

Have 50-50 legal and physical, divorce just finalized, already an issue and need some constructive advice. S2 (about to become 3) has been with grandmas and nannies since birth, I decided to put him in daycare. I emailed ex, offering to pick a daycare close to our homes (there are options), offered to pay full tuition to keep consistency for the kid. She replies that she plans to put him in daycare next to her work (20 miles from my home) and I have to drive there everyday.
Options- 1.bend over and put the kid in day care 20 miles away from home, have the kid spend 1.5 hours a day in traffic back and forth 2. Put him in daycare next to my house on my weeks and she will put him to her daycare in her weeks.3. take this to a judge.

Please, share your opinions.

[stb_divorced]

where does grandma live and why the need to change in the first place? just trying to see the big picture - you said that you decided on the need for daycare?

[capslock]

Wow. Not very thoughtful of her.

[nighthawk]

Sounds like grandma needs to file for custody.

[Fatheroffour]

Option 1: I live in one of the most traffic congested cities with longest commutes in the US. An hour and a half a day doesn't raise an eyebrow.

Option 2: If you can both get a daycare to work with you and won't require weekly payments whether the child i there or not (a reasonable policy to ensure proper staffing and ability to turn a profit) the only real downside is continuity of care for the child. Most likely, he'll adjust OK.

Option 3: Just finalized and headed back to a judge doesn't set a good precedent and could get really really expensive as the years tick by.

[Fatheroffour]

What's wrong with grandma?

[nighthawk]

What's wrong with grandma?

She must have the child's best interest In mind, if she hasn't threw her hat in the ring yet.I would if I were her.

[minuette]

I decided to put him in daycare.

That's not helpful. 50/50 legal = you can open the discussion on the merits of changing to a new child care situation, but pursuing thing from the position of having made a unilateral decision is a BIG no-no. She can be as obstinate about it as she pleases right now, because if you walk into court whining that she requires a major concession in order to acquiese to your unilateral decision, you will get smacked down by the judge.

Your optimum option is to convince two day cares to do a week-on/week-off care option. Other than that, you can continue to use Grandma on her weeks and find a day care convenient to you on your weeks. But don't try to force her into a second unilateral decision, if she has any brains in her skull or a savvy lawyer it will be considered precedent-setting for decision-making...and next time, it will be her making the unilateral decision and you won't like it at ALL.

Anyway, what's wrong with Grandma?

[Chosen2Dad]

Daycare part time...so you can transition to daycare full-time is an option? Otherwise her week/days with her can be her daycare and yours will be at years. He will adjust I am sure, plus it can build a network of friends, options, etc.

Where do you and the ex live now? Same town? What's her reasoning?

[singledad111]

What's wrong with grandma?

More details on the situation:
S2 has been with grandma on my side while I am at work since he was born. After the divorce, she continued to look after him on my time and NJ had relatives and nannies on her time. In 2 years of divorce NJ had may be 6/7 different care providers on her time. Now that s2 is turning 3, I want him to go part time to day care to socialize with kids, learn more things etc. Granma will still look after him part time as well.

I emailed NJ and said that I would like s2 to begin going to daycare part time after he turns 3 (we have a few months before then) and offered to find a day care together. NJ and I live 4 miles from each other. She replied that she WILL put him to day care in September and it WILL be the daycare next to her work. So there was my question- go along with her choice or let the kid go to 2 different day cares or let the judge decide. Seems like the general recommendation is to put him in 2 daycares.