I need help with interpretation

[straightlinespeed]

Hello Everyone,

I finally had some good news and a break that I hope will help me out with my NJ ex. I found out that the I can in fact get CS for D11. However I basically need to start enforcing the divorce decree and stop our current schedule. The reason being is because I have had the current schedule in place for about 2 years. NJ could file a motion with the courts to have the decree modified giving us a more 50/50 custody. I want to stop her from being able to do that. Please keep in mind we have joint legal and physical custody.

The current schedule is myself every M, T and every other weekend. NJ's is Every W, TH, every other weekend with the D11 being returned to me every Sunday evening. This giving me slightly more custody.

Now the way the divorce decree reads. I provide the majority of childs care and my residence is D11 primary residence and D11 shall attend school in the district I reside in. NJ is hereby granted the right to reasonable and liberal parenting time with D11, which shall include but not be limited to:

A: Every other weekend from F @ 6 until Sunday evening when she will return to my home
B: Agreed upon various evenings through out the week for dinner and/or overnight parenting time.

So there ya have it.. I know vague as hell, but according to the court system they interpreted it as giving me 84% and NJ 16%. So if I want to enforce the decree, how or what would you do or say?

[Fatheroffour]

You want to change the current schedule that's been in place for two years so you can get child support?

The obvious component is that when you attempt to enforce the old order she will most likely file to maintain the current status quo, citing it's in the childs best interest.

[straightlinespeed]

You want to change the current schedule that's been in place for two years so you can get child support?

The obvious component is that when you attempt to enforce the old order she will most likely file to maintain the current status quo, citing it's in the childs best interest.

I guess the simple answer is yes! Im sick of her not pulling her fair share of being a parent, paying for her half of school, medical bills, etc. When I try to collect that money from her she makes excuses and I never see it. More or less getting sick of her jerking me around.

Father you replied to my other post about what I should do because she owes me money and you suggested that I file for the CS and stop her BS. Im trying to ensure that she can not change the decree and I end up paying her CS.

The CS officer told me that I can enforce the decree at anytime and revert it to the original way it was written. The one thing she did say was that I may have to do mediation but doesnt mean I have to agree to anything.

[Fatheroffour]

You previously stated you shared a schedule that had you as primary. In most states that entitle you to receive child support. Now you are saying you want to change the schedule you have been following for several years to minimize moms time for the sole purpose of collecting child support.

Is that whats best for kiddo?

[straightlinespeed]

The schedule we currently share still has me as primary. I found out from the CS agent that the courts here use the decree as the ruling to determine CS. So yes I can file for CS right now and have 80/20. Although, she could file a motion to have the decree modified to fit the current schedule we are using and I would end up having to pay her CS, because I make a little more than she does.

All she does is play games and like I said before I get crapped on and run over. Im trying to stop her game playing and put a end to it. I know what your saying about being fair to D11 and is that best for her. I dont know, is it? How do you determine anything like that? D11 would not see her mom 4 less days a month, if Im interpreting the decree schedule correctly.

Otherwise I have to continue going the way Im going and more or less put up with the NJ's BS. Im trying to protect myself from her changing the decree, because Im sure given the chance she will do it someday.

Like you said in my other post FoF "You can let the bltch run wild or you can put a choke chain on her. Your choice". Keep it as it is and she'll build her case and have you paying every penny of support she can squeeze out of you after she uses your timidity against you.

Here I thought enforcing the decree would be the right thing to do, now I get the feeling that is not the case. I know damn well she will do exactly what you stated above, when I dont know but Im just saying!

[mcc333]

Straight,

Here's how to fail - one day just decide you're fed up and go full force to change things.

Here's how to succeed - build a case gradually that shows it is in the interest of the kids and makes sense. Your original decree is a POS. Trying to use that as your basis for doing anything will ultimately hurt you.

Since you are following a nearly 50/50 schedule, can you make any convincing arguments as to why the NJ should see the kids any less? Does she forget to help the kids with the homework? Miss appointments? Put the kids in the care of an incompetent? If the answer is no, you are not going to win an argument that the schedule should be changed or that you have the right to enforce that 2 year old POS decree. Don't go there. Can you get her to see the kids less - more play dates with friends, time with your relatives? Gradually get a shift away from 50/50. Sign the kids up for fun activities that are really developmental and good for them on her time and if she doesn't bring them you have a good case to get the 80/20.

As for the finances - make sure you keep records and start getting a document trail of what she should be paying and her denial to help support. I think the mistake you have made here is lending her credit. I'm not one for using time with the kids for financial reimbursement but in your case the only thing you had going for you in the decree was that time during the week was agreed upon between the parties. This was potential leverage which is behind you now since it's been this way for two years.

I don't see a case for you getting CS form her if she makes less than you except for one thing - you are primary. Does she live in the same school district as you such that changing her to primary would not change their school? How about the transfers - who takes the kids to the other, how long of a drive? As primary - you shouldn't do any of the transports. Again you have to gradually make an adjustment here that can be viewed as best interest of the kids - too much time in the car, etc.

Personally - I think you've waited too long to get that CS you are now looking for. At the same time, you've had 50/50 and not had to pay CS to her. That's a huge bonus considering how many guys here have had to pay the CS in your situation.

Considering all this - I think your best argument is not to go for CS but to file to amend the decree that she needs to pay for 50% of extracurriculars. You've been paying 100% and she has refused to support. Now the kids are older and there are more activities that are needed to promote good growth of your kids and you need NJ to step up. "your honor, even though I'm the primary, I have not looked for or currently ask for CS. I just need her equal contribution to these rising extracurricular costs which are vital to the kids well-being."