Postby Elphabala » Thu May 31, 2012 2:09 pm
Ok, I'm not getting much yet. So here’s the scoop. You got me started. Once I got going, I forgot who I was writing this for. If it’s not useful in finding some case law, at least it’s been therapeutic. Sorry it’s so long, please don’t feel obligated to read it all…
In my case, the harassment includes:
1. My punishment for one episode of being uppity.
He lured me to hospital under false pretenses, then told the staff behind my back that I was a schizophrenic off my meds and threatening suicide. As this was pure fiction and completely out of this air, I couldn't argue because I had no idea why they were acting so crazy. There was certainly nothing in my behavior to justify theirs. All they could have seen in me was a flat affect, an inability to talk, and my feeble attempt to explain my history mini-strokes (aphasia, among other symptoms), which is what I assumed hubby should have told them. I decided to leave when the nurse started physically threatening me. I was completely clueless until after I left the building and the word "suicide" slipped out of his own mouth. I didn't know specifically what he'd said until I saw the hospital report months later. He denies it all to this day.
2. I've been sleeping on the couch for years, since that episode at the hospital. (It was a long time coming but, to me, it all suddenly came together in a moment.) I'm not at all happy about this living arrangement, I want my room back and I want him gone.
3. Financial control and headgames. Managing the bills had been my job for about 20 years. Then he suddenly took over. Deliberately sabotaged the joint account so I was forced to close it, went behind my back and tried to cancel my credit card, literally screamed about paying for my life insurance, insinuating that my life wasn't worth it, refused to replace my car for several months when it died, refused to repair my car, forces me to beg and grovel over every nickel’s worth of gas, keeps the tank at or near empty at all times, must approve of everywhere I go and every drop I use.
4. He tried to manipulate me into suicide. Since there's normally no room in my head for such thinking, I didn't get the hint until he put it in plain English. Three times. His tone suggested that I’m such a worthless piece of crap that I should do the world a favor and jump off a bridge or something, and that I should be ashamed of myself for NOT considering it.
5. General harassment, designed to make me run screaming from the house with nothing. If that had worked, and it appeared that I had voluntarily moved, the case would never be resolved. If this were an employment discrimination case, I would call it a "constructive discharge."
6. I keep things cool by not talking to him. I'll endure a bare minimum necessary conversation, then walk away when it starts to drift into "gotcha" games. All the emotional ducking and weaving I need to do makes me unfit for anything else, whether work related, social or volunteer. It’s a tightrope. I can’t focus or concentrate, can’t commit to the simplest project or activity. It’s like I’m hibernating, and I can’t just turn it on and off.
No, there’s no pill that I can take that would change his behavior. Even if there were a drug that would make me so oblivious to the abuse that I can’t protect myself, I wouldn’t take it anyway.
7. When he's home, I mostly hide in the attic. I used to have what one might almost call an office up there, It's an unfinished attic, but was reasonably habitable most of the year, with computer, books, toys, adequate light, a fan, functioning windows... The computer died long ago and all I have left is Library books. I have windows that don't open and close easily, no fan, broken ceiling light and inadequate replacement lamp, a broken step that will probably kill me one day. Sometimes, when it's too hot or cold, I stand in the upstairs hall for a half hour and curse him for sleeping in front of the TV, preventing me from going to bed.
8. Sabotaged my career. Long story. At the time I thought he was crazy, but I now understand that it was a deliberate power game and that he knew exactly what he was doing.
9. Mild, ambiguous social isolation, which I didn't realize until now were deliberate. His friends and family are important, mine are not. He would ridicule, dismiss, ignore people I liked and things I wanted to do...
10. Disabled. Major depression and ministrokes from his harassment make me unable to work. The state dept of labor considers me to be disabled, but that's not good enough for the court. They want an opinion from Social Security. Unfortunately, Soc Sec is not allowed to talk to me because I'm living with a spouse who has an income.
11. The two kids are in college. He tricked the older one into taking a semester off to evade child support AND heathcare.
12. I'm not allowed to touch money, except when he puts a few dollars in my hand and sends me out for specific items. I'm not even allowed to cook anymore. He shops every day on the way home and we eat around 8:00 pm. I have no financial control or discretionary income. But I'm not eligible for anything... It's the same story with finding legal assistance for someone with low income. I'm not "low income." I just don't have any money. I had to sneak around and pick his pockets to buy deodorant last week, because I can't stand the begging and groveling. In most things, I just go without.
13. Stonewalling on discovery. Some questions ignored, some partially answered. I see strange activities that go back at least five years, which has lead me to believe that he's been skimming for a long time, in preparation for a divorce that I didn't see coming back then. His separate checking account is at least five years older than I thought, and it's existence back then makes no sense.
