People Watching

[jerico08]

Notice this too?

When NJ's go somewhere with kids (shopping, etc) they are almost always accompanied by their mother, another Nj (to help them out). Kids are mostly yelling around with NJ's playing it off on each other how much a little monster thier kids are and make excuses for thier poor behavior. Bystanders accept is as the norm.

Similar situations except single dad with kid(s). No help from family members (to assist) kids are quiet and more mannered. Nj's and bystanders (besides us from DD) who see this dont commend the Dad for his effort but figure that the mom must have instilled this good behavior and Dad is out with kids giving mommy a well needed break.If kid does misbehave he is looked upon as inexperienced as a parent and no control of his kids. No blame to NJ mother at all.

I recall a photo of a Dad in the park one time wearing a tee-shirt that said " It's not MY weekend, I have sole custody" I

I loved that

[nighthawk]

I agree, I've noticed this too. Also, if D8 states crying, for whatever reason, and I start comforting her, at least two females will come and try to take my place. Never fails. I've even seen my daughter tell them no and hold on to me tighter, but they persist till I get rude.

[stretchkr]

This is a great observation. All I would ever hear from my stbx is how difficult it is to bring the kids anywhere, however when i do it, which is more often than her because I enjoy them and dont see them as a burden, they are pretty well-behaived. Sure they do the things all kids do, and whine when you are in the juice aisle, and theres the crappy high-priced toys there that you have to tell them to put back, but having worked at a grocery store, and having two awesome kids, I can tell you this is right on the money.

[dadoftwo]

I honestly think that this is one reason why perceptions are starting to change in some areas and more fathers are getting more custody/time to parent their kids. We've seen the unruly results of single moms raising kids with dads who are absent or who get the token eow. My own daughter was at one point a major behavior issue in school when her mother had custody, but now doesn't have those issues since she's lived with me. Surely some judges/lawmakers are connecting those dots.

[kmich91262]

My own daughter was at one point a major behavior issue in school when her mother had custody, but now doesn't have those issues since she's lived with me. Surely some judges/lawmakers are connecting those dots.

Then there are those professionasl that think that dad must be beating or doing something cruel/unusual to get the child to behave. Go figure!

[justlarry]

I think this is because most Dad's set realistic ground rules, warnings, and punishments and most Mom's do not. Over years of hearing this the kids know that what Dad says counts (without intimidation) and what Mom says usually will be exagerated.

My Ex would give out warning after warning after warning with no action. Then complain to me that the kids do not listen to her.

Like the situation at the mall or grocery store. Constantly tell the kids one more time and we are going home. NJ, your at the mall getting stuff for yourself or getting groceries for the house. You know your not going to leave the cart in the middle of aisle #6 after shopping for 45 minutes and go home empty handed. Don't threaten with it.

Then meals. Every meal, every day, every year of their entire life was a battle. Load up the plate with too much for their age. Then say "eat, eat,eat,eat" for 45 minutes. Then tell them they are done in 5 more bites. Then with 2-3 bites down tell them "OK, that is good enough here is dessert". From setting an unexpected goal, to hounding them, to reducing the required goal, to eliminating the goal with a reward. Every meal of their life they are taught what Mom says does not count for much on so many levels. Then she can't understand why 12 year olds never pay attention to her. She built it in them.

A Dad's solutuion. Put on their plate what you expect them to eat. They can get up when they are done and they know it. The entire conversation during dinner is just that-conversation. So much more relaxing time for all.

[nighthawk]

I'm not sure how to take this, I think it is improvement. My D8 wants to be in a local beauty pageant. Just a small town, less than 2000. A natural beauty pageant, not the gliz type you see on toddlers and tiaras. So I agreed. I bought her a dress, very expensive. I got someone to do her hair. Tonight, we had to go to a rehearsal for the pageant. Nothing but moms and daughters there. They said that everyone would be dressing in one room. Im not sure if it was me or them, but I have grown to know that there was probably going to be a mother there that had a problem with me being in the dressing room, plus there were older girls that was going to be in there dressing. So I asked if there was going to be a room for single dads and daughters. The lady was very kind. She said you know, we hadn't thought of that, Im sure your not going to be the only one, we will have a place for you and other single dads. I maybe stupid, but I did feel accepted.And I was really concerned there would be a problem.

[dadoftwo]

My own daughter was at one point a major behavior issue in school when her mother had custody, but now doesn't have those issues since she's lived with me. Surely some judges/lawmakers are connecting those dots.

Then there are those professionasl that think that dad must be beating or doing something cruel/unusual to get the child to behave. Go figure!

Ironic, that's exactly what her mother and grandmother keep trying to tell the judge. It's not even close to true, but you're right - that's the angle they take.

[nighthawk]

The beauty pageant was tonight, I really wonder if they are watching? I went and picked out the dress, And bought it, bought the jewelry to wear with it, picked out and bought the shoes. I tought her to walk and model for the contest. Thats right dads I did. Not my strong suit, but u tube did help, cuss mom would not. I took her to a good hair dresser today, and spent two hours there today. Took her to the beauty pageant, got her dressed, recurled her hair fixed her makeup again. Then we walk the halls for a while, checking out the competition. Now understand. It was me and my daughter that signed her up for this, it was me and her that came to the meetings for this and it was me and her at the practices. Everyone in the pageant knows who has been doing this for my daughter. Mom shows up ten minuites before we go on stage, walks my daughter down the hall one time, ever mom in the competition walks up to the NJ and tells her what a good job she did with my daughter! Was they really watching? Of course the NJ smile and took all the glory! But it all made the little one so happy, and she knows who helped her do it! Who cares.

[stretchkr]

Kudos nighthawk. Sounds great