Need help fast

[Gator]

Ok. So, I need some advice. I am hoping that people who have lived through similar experiences can help...because I am fresh out of ideas.

I have been married for almost 9 years. My wife is a Colombian citizen, who just got her U.S. Citizenship 3 years ago...so she has dual citizenship now.

My wife has had three documented affairs that I am aware of. 2 happened while I was a police officer, one happened while I was a Soldier, deployed to Iraq, and the latest (which I cannot prove was an affair) happened while I was a contractor deployed to Afghanistan.

I discovered all the affairs shortly after they took place, but wanted to believe my wife wasn't that kind of person. I NEEDED to believe that. However, I stayed with her and we recieved marital counseling after each one. Finally, I returned from Afghanistan 3 weeks ago (after a 13 month deployment) and discovered she had gone to Puerto Rico while I was still in the Middle East...with an unmarried man. Keep in mind that this unmarried man is a friend of the family, ever since my wife and her sister immigrated from South America. He has helped them out over the past few years...not just my wife, but her mom and dad too. So, when she said he is just a friend, more like a family member, I believed it. He is also 20 years older than my wife. I had to let you know all this so that you can know her side of things too. However !!! He never asked ME if it was OK to take my wife down to Puerto Rico for New Years. My wife kept it from me because (she says) I would have said "no." She's probably right. Friend of the family or not, he's still an unmarried man, and it is totally inappropriate.

Anyway, I discover these pictures. After the third affair (that I knew about), I told her that anything even approaching inappropriate with another man meant instant divorce. She knew what would happen, because I told her. We seperated. We had to live in the same house, because she says she has nowhere else to go. I, on the other hand, have been in Afghanistan for the past 13 months. I truly do have no place to go.

We only had one car, and our son needed to go to school. I said I would give her 10K for a car. She wanted one for 12K. I told her I would give her 10K and she could take the other 2K out of her savings. At that point, in full view of out 3 year old son, she grabbed my throat, and dug her nails into my neck. She has hit me and done other things to hurt me in the past, but I have never hurt her back. At the time, I called the police. SHe was arrested for assault, and taken to jail. She was released shortly after and an Emergency Protective Order was established...one that gave her (the aggressor) custody of my son and my house! I called the magistrate's office to get things straightened out, but they wouldn't change anything...the magistrate that wrote it had gone home for the weekend.

After she was released, she went back to the car dealership and wrote a check for 15K. I don't have 15K in the account. Since then her friends and family have been calling me teling me that I have to deposit 15K into the account for her car. I realize that I am responsible for the money, since it is a joint account. I am screwed.

I live in Manassas, VA and need a bulldog attorney...badly and immediately. I am a good father. I happily serve my country and love raising my son. My wife sees him as an accessory...something that gets her more attention. Yet, I am losing custody.

Please, whoever out there has experience in this, please help. Give me the name of the meanest attorney out here that can help. She is toxic and will mess my son up. Please help me!

[Fatheroffour]

You should review the links in my signature.

[Gator]

Thank you very much. I know most of those things, but didn't really think of them. THis is still really fresh for me.

I have a lawyer and have been following her advice. I have seperated accounts, and left her a fair amount (11K) and tried to be very nice to her...however, I am not being a pushover.

The links you sent were good, but the court gave her custody of everything, despite her being the aggressor. The judicial system was not kind to me on this one. It is totally discriminatory, what they did.

[Anything4Her]

There is a lot to unravel here, but first, you did not write a bad check. She did.
She is responsible for it. You have no obligation to deposit 15k into the account to cover it. In fact,
if you do so, you are the biggest pu$$y on earth. I'm willing to bet the car isn't titled in your name. Why would you even consider paying for it?

Since then her friends and family have been calling me teling me that I have to deposit 15K into the account for her car.

Of course they are, they are HER friends and family.

Time to divorce, you are not responsible for her spending. Don't bail her out anymore.

[Trevor]

How much of that "fair amount" of $11k did she earn?

[Gator]

None. She hasn't had a job since she was convicted of a federal felony. I earned it all while I was serving in Afghanistan.

[Trevor]

Then help me understand the purpose of leaving her with all that money. It's yours.

[Gator]

Oh, I didn't leave her with everything. I left her money to get food and stuff like that. It wasn't like I left her with everything. I just wanted to make sure she wasn't left destitute.

[defaultuser]

My x is Colombian. The only thing I can say is that it is In their culture to take everything they can take from you. Get out of the military and fight for custody.

[Trevor]

$11k to buy groceries? Food is not that expensive. Leave her with $300 and slip in an allowance every month, until she gets off her butt and works. I have a Colombian xgf, they can be disagreeable.

Sidebar quote: "Being an ugly woman is like being a man: Life's not gonna be easy, you're gonna hafta work." - Daniel Tosh