I'm The Other Woman & I need your advice!

[TheOtherWoman]

Hello to all here,

It is my first time posting on here as I have been following this site on and off for a few months now. I initially came across this site seeking information for my brother, who has a child with a woman that our family doesn't approve of (long story) and now I've been coming on here more often as I am now having an affair with a married man with a child; it's not my brightest nor proudest moment, but the heart can definitely play tricks on all of us and I have certainly not been the exception.

With all that said, here's my story: I am having an affair with a co-worker; he is 35 years old and I am 30 years old. His wife is 25 years old and she is a high school teacher in NYC and currently studying for a Master's degree. My guy tells me that she neglects him (sexually, emotionally, etc.), she's insanely jealous, she checks his phone every day, that they are always arguing, his family and many of his friends have literally turned their backs on him because they never liked her and she has apparently only gotten worse after my guy and her were married. Anytime he wants to do anything with his family and/or friends, he has to do it without her. Of course, I am aware that he may be exaggerating and even lying; I understand all of those implications. However, through conversations with some of our colleagues, I have been able to corroborate that a lot of the things he has told me are true. Things between them got really bad to the point that he was mapping out a divorce and only stepped back because he was not able to sell his apartment, therefore he could not count on that extra $$$.

I know he is unhappy and that he wants out. We are both at similar stages in our life, age-wise, career-wise and mature-wise, we both care deeply for each other and want to remain in each other's lives. Now I ask you guys here, what are my guy's options given the following info that I know about him:

1) He owns the apartment where he lives with his wife and 2 year old daughter. He bought it before they were married.

2) They have been married for about 3 years.

3) She is a HS teacher in NYC studying for her master's (paid for through a fellowship program that she's in) and makes about $55-65K

4) He makes about 95k + bonus

5) They do not have any major debts; he's told me all credit cards are paid off, his only major expense is his mortgage.

6) His wife's parents live nearby in a big house w/swimming pool.

7) His main concern is always his daughter (as it should be) and I would be willing to accomodate my life so that he can always be near his daughter and see her whenever he wants. I know that there is potential for lots of drama.

8)This is all in NYC (Brooklyn)...how much does a divorce cost on average? Will he be totally screwed over with child support? Is it true that if he lives close to his daughter and has shared custody, will his child support payments be lower?

I appreciate any advice anyone on here can provide and hoped not to be judged too harshly.

Thanks again.

[jumbledone]

Not judging, but going with reality.

He should be the one asking these questions, and until he does, you're being strung along. If he doesn't ask these questions, your best bet is to move along.

[Fatheroffour]

< Popcorn.gif>

[TheOtherWoman]

Hello jumbledone,

I appreciate your response. However, I would appreciate more advice about what his options are versus what I should be doing with my life. He and I are having serious discussions about what we will be doing with our relationship. I know that you said with good intentions but I would appreciate that the questions I asked to be answered or at to be pointed in the right direction.

Believe it or not, he did not know a lot of the things I have exposed on here that are to his benefit and neither did I until I came onto this site and others that are similar. I just wanted to know if he can keep his place without having to sell it (i.e. get her to move out) and if he can avoid being screwed over with child support if he lives close to his daughter and is able to prove he is a good, responsible father.

Thanks again.

[Fatheroffour]

You obviously have not read much here or you wouldn't be here.

[RC211V]

To answer those questions takes hours and hours of reading and studying by the person who is going to execute the plan. If a male is 100% parent to his kids and works his balls off and spends lots of money and time and effort to prove it, and has some good luck, he can probably not get screwed. But if he isn't the one doing it, it isn't going to happen.

Pass the popcorn FoF!

[TheOtherWoman]

Hello Fatheroffour,

You are right I have not read much on here. As I said before, I have been here on and off for brief periods of time but I've never had the time to actually read more stories on here in-depth but I will make it a point to do so going forward. I will also expose my guy to this site and all the information on here.

Thanks for the links to the topics on this site that you provided. I really appreciate it!

RC211V, your response is similar to Jumbledone's and I agree that you both have a very valid point. I have a lot to think about. Thanks for your reply as well!

[jumbledone]

Hello jumbledone,

I appreciate your response. However, I would appreciate more advice about what his options are versus what I should be doing with my life. He and I are having serious discussions about what we will be doing with our relationship. I know that you said with good intentions but I would appreciate that the questions I asked to be answered or at to be pointed in the right direction.

Believe it or not, he did not know a lot of the things I have exposed on here that are to his benefit and neither did I until I came onto this site and others that are similar. I just wanted to know if he can keep his place without having to sell it (i.e. get her to move out) and if he can avoid being screwed over with child support if he lives close to his daughter and is able to prove he is a good, responsible father.

Thanks again.

I am trying to be very nice here, and stating that he should be the one asking. Coming from a male persuasion, if I wanted some illicit uglies-bumping to continue, I would say and do anything to continue it. You believe him because you want to believe him. It may be 'true love', Buttercup, but until Wesley shows up himself, I doubt it. If he was as invested in this as you, his sense of logic and problem solving would be kicking into overdrive to figure all of this out.

Others will be along shortly to tell you the same thing, but probably in 'stronger' terms.

Edit: See below.

[keko]

how smart, he cheated on his wife and you're wanting to take her place.

[Fatheroffour]

Pity I'm multitasking. I can wait to <poo> all over this whorish thread when I get to a desk top.