Hi and welcome to DadsDivorce, the leader in divorce help for men, fathers rights and mens rights. We provide divorced dads with concrete, practical divorce resources to achieve the best results in the courtroom.
defaultuser I'm pretty sure that the setup thing is what they're doing. Her attorney is a pitbull and is convinced her client's position is "poor me, i have to leave him because he made my home life unbearable and why should I have to give up anything"
I already know her attitude because she won't attend mediation without her attorney there. So the pressure thing won't work on her. And as such, I have to have mine there as well.
I like the idea of booking the minimum time and I am totally ok with walking out. I'm sure STBX won't go if I ask her to pay 50% or tell her it's coming out of marital assets pre-split. So then off to court we go, either to get ordered to mediation or for a trial. And I'm pretty sure they'll be a custody evaluation involved. We don't even have a GAL yet though.
I have been going through mediation for almost past 6 months at almost the same money rate as mentioned by you. It is still ongoing...So far there have been at least 5 meetings lasting for 8 hours....Still we have not reached conclusions.... After all everyone mints money through us....lawyers, mediator, other people involved...No body thinks about our emotions, finances & keeps on dragging .....No body is in the hurry, even the ex-partner is just getting money out of it & everything goes from joint account to which she contributed $ 0...No one is losing anything, but just gaining. In my case,she still pays for her lawyer, 50% for the mediator..... But I would say "DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF PAYING FEES ON HER BEHALF , AS IN THAT CASE NO ONE WOULD BE IN A HURRY TO END IT AS SHE WONT LOSE ANYTHING & WONT FEEL THE PAIN............ The system is so bogus, that no one is pressurized to end things & thus it can go on forever...U will be financially ruined & still wont end up getting peace or relief.... So please do not make the mistake......
I am not saying mediation is worse than court...All I am trying to say is, try to fight against paying fees on behalf of her , as in that case she will not have any pain about the money spent and will keep on dragging it , as financially she will be the one at advantage... My case is different, as case was complicated & going to court could have caused further complications for both parties- that is why we had to agree for mediation.... But it depends on individual case, which one is better. But i still think mediation is better than court, as there is a chance of arguement, agreements whereas in court -it is an order which you just have to abide by with not much scope of discussions.
I had court ordered mediation at my expense. At the mediation were an attorney and a licensed mediator. There were 10 issues, and each of them was discussed individually. With each one, I gave a little and she gave nothing.
After just a few minutes, the mediation completely focused on her trying to get her to give something, as I had budged on all 10.
90 minutes later and 75 minutes "working her over," the mediation team gave up and wrote for the judge there was no sense to have anymore sessions.
You are making this far more complex than it has to be. You simply have to attempt mediation, there's no rule that says you must be successful in mediation.
Book a half day starting at 1pm and pay for $1000. You come in with your written proposal up front. You walk out at 5pm. Create a time incentive for her as psychological pressure. That's how mediators work as well -- create time pressures and run back & forth splitting the baby.
If this goes to court, and you are on record as having attempted mediation, paid for it yourself and didn't leave until you made a reasonable attempt, they will not be able to use it against you.
The board is the sum of all of your great posts...Help divorced men be great dads! Divorce help in a father friendly divorce forum....more tips on how to deal with your divorce at DadsDivorce.com