MO dad considering divorce

[malcontent]

I've been contemplating the big d for a while now, and am finally getting educated as to what I need to do to make this happen.

Been married for 1.5 years
Have a 7 month old son
Am self-employed and have been for 4 years, stable income.
She's been a sahw since we were married, with no intention of getting a job (probably in part due to my less than "normal" need to work full time hours from my home office, so she thinks a normal job is unfair to her, even though she has no marketable skills)

From what I can tell from reading the forums, with such a short marriage, I shouldn't be looking at any alimony not sure of that applies when having a kid) but I obviously would have some sort of CS.

There's been no infidelity, just constant bickering and I fell out of love with her a while ago. Ever since her pregnancy, she's essentially stopped taking care of herself, leaving me to make sure she renews her drivers license (still cant get her out of the house for that), go to the eye doctor (bad eyes, ran out of contacts a while ago) and even make time for her to do simple things like take a shower.

It's not because of a busy schedule either. As a work from home dad who puts in probably 20 hours a week, I spend a LOT of time caring for my son and taking care of the home. She sleeps or watches Tv with all her free time.

At this point I'm just looking for some good advice on my situation, not even sure what to specifically ask about yet.

I just know that I'm done with all her anger and laziness. I want my son to grow up in a loving home, not one where his mother is constantly trying to belittle the man who provides everything.

[malcontent]

I just want to add that I've started my journal, and frankly, I'm surprised at just how much time I'm taking care of my son vs her. That, along with documenting all the arguments, is really eye opening.

[malcontent]

Lastly, we don't own anything together. We rent and I'm driving one of my parents cars since it just sits in their driveway. There's also no huge debts for either of us.

[Fatheroffour]

I want my son to grow up in a loving home, not one where his mother is constantly trying to belittle the man who provides everything.

I assume this means you want primary custody of the 7 month old.

That's not impossible but it's a tall order to fill. You'll need some great documentation on your superdad status and her being arrested for child abuse or narcotics wouldn't hurt either.

Since it looks like you care for her as well as kiddo, I suggest spending some time getting things how you want them post divorce before pulling the trigger. Make sure your initials are on all those immunization forms and you are the go to parent with the pediatrician. You control all finances to the point she is incentivised to get off her rear and go to work.

You've got some real mommy bias to overcome with a child so young.

[malcontent]

I want my son to grow up in a loving home, not one where his mother is constantly trying to belittle the man who provides everything.

I assume this means you want primary custody of the 7 month old.

I won't be going anywhere for a while longer, (i'm thinking about a year before I file. I need to be much more fluid financially before I take final action) nut ultimately, I'd like it. I can see her taking the exact path of her mother, which I *really* don't want him to experience... That's a book in it's own right.

That's not impossible but it's a tall order to fill. You'll need some great documentation on your superdad status and her being arrested for child abuse or narcotics wouldn't hurt either.

Since it looks like you care for her as well as kiddo, I suggest spending some time getting things how you want them post divorce before pulling the trigger. Make sure your initials are on all those immunization forms and you are the go to parent with the pediatrician. You control all finances to the point she is incentivised to get off her rear and go to work.

You've got some real mommy bias to overcome with a child so young.

Thanks a ton for your thoughts and advice. Honestly, I don't expect much, all the horror stories of dad's commonly being demonized has set me with low expectations. I'm already at 100% of the appointments, same with the pregnancy.

[hoosier_dad]

The older your son is the better chance you'll have at a decent custody result. 7mo in some states you might not even get any overnights, let alone primary parenting time. In my state that kind of tender years doctrine is engrained in the parenting time guidelines until the child is 3 years old. If you can wait until your son is old enough to be in full time preschool or kindergarten it will help negate the SAHM argument.

[Trevor]

In any case, when you do file, be sure your lawyer understands that you expect 50/50 and if that's not likely with an infant then you should bake in a graduated plan that starts with the best you can do now and increases gradually (key word...more frequent than annual increases) towad 50/50 by the time the kid is in kinder.

[Chosen2Dad]

Most states have done away with the "tender year doctrines" but we are still the ones fighting the uphill battle. The longer you stay "married," the better. Then you can continue to document.

I didn't do as well of a job until I actually filed. If I had done before, I would have a better time going for 50/50. But the system does support joint legal custody.

Stay a little longer if you can and continue to work it. My son is 2.5 years almost and the older they get, the easier it will get for you to get closer to 50/50.

Wishing you luck...everyone here will tell you to read THE LIST.