How to prepare for a divorce?

[keko]

i don't mean this to be offensive... but you keep saying that your stbx is pretty trashy so are you 100% sure the kid is actually yours?

Yes, he is 100% mine. He looks more like me, than her. Also, at this point, even if he isn't mine, he's mine.

You might want to reconsider it. What if the "other guy" looked just like you? It'll be much easier on you since the child is still very young compared to how you would feel/react when he is a teen.

[going_down]

What state are you in? Do you think your ex would take a lump sum and no CS to be the EOW NCP?

I live in Florida. I don't think there is any way my STBX would go for that. She has indicated an interest in 50/50, and the lump sum.

[going_down]

You might want to reconsider it. What if the "other guy" looked just like you? It'll be much easier on you since the child is still very young compared to how you would feel/react when he is a teen.

How exactly can one reconsider, at this point? I've way too much invested in our relationship to think or do otherwise. I love the little guy. He's mine.

[stb_divorced]

just take my advice and don't act too gung-ho when negotiating with her. she may seem willing to talk terms now but if she thinks for a minute that you're gonna be uncooperative with the checkbook you're in for an expensive fight. read some books about negotiation skills and learn some techniques on winning over an adversary.

[going_down]

just take my advice and don't act too gung-ho when negotiating with her. she may seem willing to talk terms now but if she thinks for a minute that you're gonna be uncooperative with the checkbook you're in for an expensive fight. read some books about negotiation skills and learn some techniques on winning over an adversary.

You are correct. It's wise to see what the lawyer has to say. I've got an appointment this morning, hoping for the best...

[defaultuser]

I can't stress enough that you come here and ask about other things that need to go into your agreement. Things like getting you kid to school on time, or ROFR, or other items that your STBX won't be doing for your kid that will give you ammunition to go back to court for in the future.

Could you please elaborate more? Sorry, but I am still kind of new, and learning the right questions to ask. Could you please list some items I should consider to ask? I've an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow. I could ask about these things tomorrow. Thank you.

When negotiating with your X, you probably don't need to bring this stuff up, but it needs to be in your decree. Think about the future and how you want your life to be. You may not be on speaking terms with her, so you'll want to minimize exchanges and make sure that exchanges are in a neutral location.

Here's a short list; you should get the idea:
-Time-sharing schedule.
-Exchange times and place. When she moves 20 miles away it will be nice to meet at the same location.
-What happens if one party is late more than 15 minutes.
-Holiday schedule. Do you want to split Christmas day? I suggest you go by the school calendar in your area because you'll need to when he gets older. First week of winter break and second week of winter break alternating years. Do you want the whole thanksgiving weekend?
-Summer Vacation. When do you have to notify each other as to the time you want to take. How much time should you get in the summer.
-Notifying each other of doctor visits, agreeing on school < parenting time >.
-Method of communication between you and her (email or text).
-Must bring kid to school on time and ensure homework is completed during your time.
-International travel.
-Sports and other activities and who will split the costs.
-Agreeing on daycare
-Right of First Refusal
-Spending time with grandparents

And on, and on, and on....

As for your child support, you should set things up so that you each pay the day care provider directly. You don't want to be in a situation where you pay her X amount, then have to go back to court every time the amount changes. Instead of paying each other for that stuff, you pay directly to the provider.

[going_down]

Hi, some pretty good things are happening, thus far. I will report later today, when I have a little more time. Thanks for all of your support!

[going_down]

When negotiating with your X, you probably don't need to bring this stuff up, but it needs to be in your decree. Think about the future and how you want your life to be. You may not be on speaking terms with her, so you'll want to minimize exchanges and make sure that exchanges are in a neutral location.

That's a good point. I'm trying to work that out with her now. Although, is being a little difficult about it. Her excuse is that she doesn't know where she will be living in the future, despite the document getting filed before that fact. I was thinking of some grocery store parking lot or something. I told her that *has* to be in the file. While in reality, we could always work something out, this byline is there in the case she wants to act like a jackass.

As for your child support, you should set things up so that you each pay the day care provider directly. You don't want to be in a situation where you pay her X amount, then have to go back to court every time the amount changes. Instead of paying each other for that stuff, you pay directly to the provider.

This is good advice. There is an item going into the agreement that we will cover _all_ expenses 50/50 with 30 days to bill the other, 30 days to remit payment. However, the childcare place will have me paying directly to the account, and her also, 50% each.

Here's a short list; you should get the idea:

Hmm, I can't seem to quote the list right. But here are some items going into our marriage settlement agreement.
* On the time share, we are each getting 50/50. We each get the little guy a couple of times a week, plus a 3 day weekend.
* We are still working out the details of the exchange, see above. During the week, the parent will pick him up from the day care, have him back by X time on Sunday night.
* Concerning the late parent, the daycare should be notified. If not, I think they call child services, after they've been charging a $1.00 per minute. There is an incentive to not act like a jackass here, and it doesn't take a divorce make that happen!
* The holiday schedule will align with her other children's schedule. She gets Thanksgiving, I will get Christmas.
* While he is little now, there isn't a need to write in Summer vacation. However, there is an item that says that we can address the parenting plan, when he becomes of "school age", if needed. This was the advice of my lawyer.
* There is an item that will address communication. Reasonable access of communication has to be available to the children and parents. The exceptions are bedtimes, movies, doctor's visits (phones off), etc etc. If there is any violation of this, then it's possible that AOA is taking place, and trouble is being caused.
* Records of communication will be kept, as well as a journal. (already doing this) However, I don't know how to fit this into the settlement. Please advise.
* I work from home, time to time. So it is optional for me to bring him to daycare, if I don't have to. However, I have to drop him off, on her days of pickup. During school years, he will have to be dropped off and picked up on time, all home work completed. (I've seen this happen on the other side, with my step-son. It wasn't pretty!)
* Sports and other activities will be split 50/50. Reference above.
* Daycare - I will have to add that item in. He is currently enrolled. But this could change.
* I have first choice to baby sitting, right to first refusal. I told her that if she ever violates this, I better not find out about it. This includes 15 minute trip to the store.
* Spending time with the Grandparents - I have an item in there that says she can't leave the county with my son, without my knowledge or permission.

[going_down]

I also wanted to notice some other things that is going into the settlement agreement:

There are some concerns over her new residence:
* She isn't allowed to have roommates.
* She isn't allowed to have anything less than a two bedroom house or apartment.
* All of the bills are in her name.
* While she is agreeing to no "overnight romantic guests", my lawyer will add language in there that will give her the elbow room to have these guests under reasonable exception, fiancée, for example. It isn't likely that the court will enforce this. But we are both trying to protect the sanctity of the home, for our son.
* I think I'm forgetting a few things.

She effectively can't be homeless or couch surfing. If she does, I will have to, in so many words, force her to follow the divorce decree.

[Fatheroffour]

What makes you think you have the right to enforce these rules?

The law?

Or just a feeling?

Just wondering, because we have dads come here with insanely overcontrolling ex wives that we counsel on such matters.