they just emptied my bank account

[Anything4Her]

my stay at home mom friends, clean the house, make dinner, take care of kids, whatever. Mine didn't do that. he didn't even mow the yard.

That sounds like some of the ex wives of the guys here, but they usually had a boyfriend too.

I needed out.

You got what you wanted, I guess. I suspect that you didn't do much research on what your world was going to look like before you pulled the trigger.

The vast majority of divorces are initiated by the women. When guys come here and say they are considering divorce, we generally warn them about what you are experiencing right now and urge them to repair the marriage. I believe you are the first woman to come here with a "man's" story.

[jumbledone]

Question: Who wanted the divorce? Why?

i asked for the divorce. my stay at home mom friends, clean the house, make dinner, take care of kids, whatever. Mine didn't do that. he didn't even mow the yard. I was working hard at work and at home without any help. He wasn't even supportive of my job which paid for everything. He played xbox and watched tv. I needed out.

Gonna play hardball like we do with others: There was something there at some point that made you want to hitch him to your wagon.

Will he get hurt in all of this? Maybe. Will you? Definitely. Will the kids? Most of all. At best, they lose mom or dad for 50% of the time, at worst, they lose mom or dad for 75+% of the time.

Sounds like communication may not be the best between you two. You seem very Alpha, to which there is nothing wrong overall... Could you switch to Beta once in a while? Make him feel wanted/needed, like the man of the house? As much as we eschew gender-roles nowadays, there is some truth in there. Could he be emasculated by you (even unwittingly)?

If I were in your shoes, I would be working to try to see if rapprochement will work, even though you put out the D-bomb.

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

Question: Who wanted the divorce? Why?

i asked for the divorce. my stay at home mom friends, clean the house, make dinner, take care of kids, whatever. Mine didn't do that. he didn't even mow the yard. I was working hard at work and at home without any help. He wasn't even supportive of my job which paid for everything. He played xbox and watched tv. I needed out.

Yup. I know what you mean. I took in 60%+ of the household income. She works three days a weeek, I worked five. I paid all of the bills. She gave me $300-500 per pay period to help with the bills (when she felt like it or wasn't mad at me about something). If I bought something that she didn't approve of (i.e. I bought a used truck a few months ago), she'd hold me hostage...financially. I asked her at that point (February)..."How long do you think this is going to stand?"

She couldn't handle the kids (her kids). They were the only reason I took as long as I did to leave. I really loved the critters, but at the end of the day...she would hold me hostage and use them as pawns to keep me around.

The house was always a mess. I lived on my own for 10 years before she came along. My place was always pretty tidy. Once we got into the house, she got comfortable. As in she was not the same person as she was before I bought the house. I'd come home from work (again...I worked all week...she only worked three days) to a sink full of dishes, toys covering 800+ sqft of the house (the WHOLE first floor), and her nagging for me to "resuce" her from the kids. No joke...I got phone calls routinely about an hour before I left work with her asking "are you coming home early today?"

I launched and recovered the kids from daycare on her three work days. I didn't mind doing it, for a time. However, it quickly became evident that she liked pushing off the responsibility of dealing with the kids on someone else. i.e. She'd come home from work, I'd have the kids wound down and ready to go to sleep, and she'd start stirring $h1t up. On multiple nights, I had to tell her to shut up and go to bed...that she wasn't helping. As her mother routinely told her..."you'd be a better cool aunt than a mother."

In hindsight...I'm thoroughly embarassed that: 1. I took her on in the first place. When I say took her on...I mean that she was literally like supporting a child. and 2. It took me as long as I did to leave.

[walklikeaman]

Sounds like communication may not be the best between you two. You seem very Alpha, to which there is nothing wrong overall... Could you switch to Beta once in a while? Make him feel wanted/needed, like the man of the house? As much as we eschew gender-roles nowadays, there is some truth in there. Could he be emasculated by you (even unwittingly)?

I don't disagree with you in that I am probably not as "modern" as I thought. I don't mind that I make more money, good for me/us. But I was hoping for a real man. Someone to take care of me or look after me a little. If I wanted more children I would have birthed more. I got married too young and didn't know what I wanted and found the wrong person. He didn't take any responsibility for anything and I felt very much alone to do it all. I don't mind doing it all alone now because I have no choice and I do it for my kids, but to see someone who should be sharing in the burden, doing nothing to help was too much. The thought of him makes my skin crawl, there is no going back. He's 40 and says he should never have to work again, grosses me out.

[Anything4Her]

He's 40 and says he should never have to work again, grosses me out.

The more you write, the more it sounds like you should both have sex change surgery, at least then the senses of entitlement and responsibility would match the expected sexes.

[Fatheroffour]

Sounds like he knew what to say to get under her skin.

There's lots of places on the web for women to go and bltch about their ex husbands. This isn't one of them.

*Goes underdeck, too many captains up top*

[Fatheroffour]

I got married too young and didn't know what I wanted and found the wrong person.

Alright guys, raise your hand if this isn't the first time you've ever heard this phrase.

The guys got his kids half the time and his ex is paying him . I'd be happy to purchas his Dadsdivorce Pro Membership subscription if he'd come and post a while so the members could increase their knowledge pool cause I'm betting not one out of a hundred guys that hear that BS don't have such a good end result.

[defaultuser]

[RC211V]

+1,000,000

How did I end up with a NJ that doesn't work, has a boyfriend that doesn't work, sister living in house no job, pretty crappy mom but not bad enough to come close to making a difference... Not a girl who makes money and lets me have the kids?

[CCR]

I am not a man but a woman who is being treated like the dad in terms of finances because I have the higher earning income. The judge gave my ex about 33% of my salary a month plus retroactive maintenance and extra stuff adding up to hundreds of thousands I don't have. They have garnished my wages for 65% and have garnished my bank account, savings and checkings, leaving me no savings and 35% of my salary which does not even cover my morgage. THis will last for about 7 years during which time he will make 75% of our combined income and me 25%. (we were married 7 years by the way). after that he will have about 50%. I have an advanced degree, he is a college drop out. I have more custody of the kids but pay child support. any one ever heard of this.

Welcome to the club. Learn how to clip coupons, downsize, skimp and like ramen noodles.

Eventually the time will pass and you will get to keep your income.

I've been court ordered to pay 35-65% of my income for 16 years, and it ends THIS MONTH. Eventually you will see light at the end of the tunnel.