Should I wait to file, or do it now?

[stretchkr]

Not to get to deep into what is going on, but i made the decision to divorce my wife of 6 years. We live in MN, own a house, and two cars together. Two months ago, i agreed to stay at my parents house at night, so she could have space, and work on herself. We have two kids, 6 and 3. I found out two weeks ago, that she was seeing someone after I would leave, in our home, and was having an affair. I started staying at the house again to keep him out of there, and also to hopefully get the house after i divorced. i have the affair well documented, as she has done nothing with the kids, yet goes on dates constantly with this guy, while i stay at home. I make four times the money she does, and she will literally have no way of affording anything once were divorced, including an attorney. I saw a laywer, and she wen't over some cs numbers, and it scared me to be honest. There is no reason i shouldn't get 50/50 custody, but under the circumstances I think i should be the primary parent. She is asking me to wait for her to find a full-time job, and move out, and at that time she is willing to negotiate everything with me. I don't have a lot of money for lawyer fees. I am just not sure what the best thing to do is. Wait and hope she is not stubborn and we can get through it amicably once her life is in order, or beg and borrow for the retainer and file immediately. I just don't want to get hosed with cs and allimony if I file now. I worked too hard to earn the things I have to lose them, and be a visitor with a paycheck to my kids.

[Anything4Her]

You would be best served if she was working full time.
If she actually moves out, that would be great!!

I would wait. Give her a timeline to secure work.

Read THE LIST

Take over all parenting duties. Make it easy for her to leave and go on dates. Document your role as the primary parent.

Others will come along in a moment, but you need to start with THE LIST.

[stretchkr]

What is THE LIST?

[Anything4Her]

The LIST
viewtopic.php?t=13374

Originally authored by one of our members, Tom Kirkpatrick. It is a scorched earth, take no prisoners approach.
Though we do not advise taking everything literally, it is a good primer that will warn you against tactics that you may be faced with during the course of your divorce.

In your situation, I would be very wary of false domestic violence claims and would wear a voice activated recorder full time.

[hoosier_dad]

she has done nothing with the kids, yet goes on dates constantly with this guy, while i stay at home.

This is good for your case only if you have been documenting your time and activities with your children as well as your STBX's coming and goings. If you haven't been journaling this type of information then you need to start.

she will literally have no way of affording anything once were divorced

It's amazing what she can afford after taking a sizable chunk of your paycheck each month.

Definitely let her get a full time job and move out to a new place while you stay home with the kids. Make it as convenient as possible for her to spend time away from home, and document as much as possible in preparation for court.

[RC211V]

Pretend you are a single parent and she doesn't exist for getting everything done as a parent for your kids. Make your life as close as possible right now to how you want it after you are divorced.

Do your best, without her knowing or trying to attack/counter you, to -

- Stay in the house, don't ever move out
- Take care of your kids all the time
- Get her working a lot
- Have as much documentation/proof as possible of everything
- Don't be vulnerable to any accusations of abuse/violence etc

[Fatheroffour]

You are in a situation much like I was.

You need to encourage her to become completely under the spell of Mr. Wonderful and do nothing to encourage her to "Get her priorities right." You have a real opportunity here and the longer you can stall her and keep her away from the home and kids while you take over everything is the best chance you have available to come out of this divorce intact, with all the good stuff and none of the dead weight.

[stretchkr]

Great advice. Thank you guys. I have been slowly taking over the parenting responsibilities for some time now, not just since deciding to divorce. Mainly with school, and pre-school, becoming the one they talk to when something is going on with the kids.

[Fatheroffour]

Excellent. Keep up the good work, document it all and build those bridges with those third parties.