Any tips for handling stress?

[james34]

Hey all, I have full custody of my teenaged sons (age 16, 15), divorce is still not settled yet, been goin on for a little over 2 years (yeah I know), it's almost done, and I think I finally have it all weighing on me. I'm ready for it to be over.
I find myself just restless, trapped and little depressed I guess you can say. I'm more than happy I got my boys, but I haven't done anything for myself lately. I guess I've been trying to be super super dad, totally adapting to the whole take care of the home, cook and clean, work, yeah it's crazy, I've totally neglected myself.
Not sure what to do. I just got so many due dates in my head, paperwork, finances, gotta be so discreet, < edited >. I really don't know how I 'should' feel right now.
I think to hear some success stories would help me out.

Thanks all

[mbxdad]

Been there, and had a little bit of a breakdown. Wish I had done more to fend it off. I know better now.

The basics to handle stress:

Get solid, regular rest. Practice good sleep hygiene.
Get regular exercise
Eat well and balanced
Enjoy the company of friends and family

[Trevor]

I like to list my things to do, and I calendar the things with real due dates so I can carve out time to manage everything to be done on time. I can prioritize and keep a "nice to do" list aside from my "must do" list. Read up on task management to get ideas on how better to juggle all the stuff you need to do. Some people can manage all this in their heads, and to an extent I can do this, but I won't risk missing the important stuff, so I book it in my calendar or list it.

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

Try to keep active...both mentally and physically. Get a membership at your local 'Y'. That's something that you and the kids can do for fun to keep busy (i.e. swim).

[Mattie]

I hope you don't mind advice from a woman.

My husband was like that when I met him - he was so used to putting his own needs last if he ever even got to them. (He'd already been custodial parent for years when I met him.) He still sometimes struggles with feeling guilty if he buys/does something for himself that is not absolutely critically necessary, in his mind.

My advice is to get a calendar (online, mobile phone app, Sports Illustrated for the wall, whatever) and write everything on it. All appointments, court dates, doctors' appointments, etc. Include household chores if you feel overwhelmed by them (it may sound funny but we feel much better about the slightly dusty furniture if we know that the living room is scheduled to be cleaned tomorrow - and not today!)

Next, schedule time for yourself, and write it on the calendar with the appointments. What did you used to like to do that you had to give up after you got married? Golf, bowling, running, watching NASCAR, playing guitar? What did you always want to do that you never could because you didn't have time or weren't "allowed"? Take a wine-tasting class, train for a marathon, learn to play the accordion, ball-room dancing? Schedule it, put it on the calendar, and do it.

Remember that super-dads are role models for their kids as well. You want to show your kids that being a responsible adult does not mean that you have to give up all your dreams, does not mean that you put yourself last all the time, and does not mean that you turn into some boring old guy.

Oh, and buy yourself some new clothes. Go to the thrift store if you feel you can't afford otherwise. But yes, you do need some new ones - I've got a bright shiny nickel that says you're walking around right now with pants frayed at the bottom and holes in your shirts because there's always been more important things to buy for your kids.

[Bubba Seal]

The biggest stress reliever I have had is just being able to make fun of my situation.

My ex was an accountant and kept up all our financial records during the divorce.

During settlement meetings she said guess what Bubba.

What?

She said I made a mistake on our financials, and you are worth double what Ive been telling you, so when I get done with you you will still be worth what you thought all along!

Now I could have blown up, and just made a mess of things, but i just said thanks thats great to know, and laughed it off!

Anyway good luck, dont forget how to laugh at things that happen during the process, it makes for great storys down the road!

[james34]

Thanks trevor, bubba, mbxdad, mattie!

Yeah Mattie you are right, havent bought myself NOTHING for like 2 years, just doesnt seem important anymore. *surrenders* I'll change lol

Bubba that story is crazy but yeah hilarious LOL, I haven't looked at the humor in it Im definitely going to try, I just get all tensed up in defense mode when with dealing with all this.

Other than that I think my sleeping habits is fine, I JUST started working out in the morning, bike riding. And it definitely is making me feel better. I just wish I could shake this feeling that I'm doomed and nothing will ever be better. Because even though the boys are old, and in a couple years will be 18 and be in college, I cant imagine still dealing with her LOL. I know I sound morbid, LOL but moving on seems soooo far away.

And it's just all new, I've been totally just engulfed in work, don't really go out with friends anymore, most of our circle, social life, church etc. they all of course know her. It's just awkward, even though divorce is normal, and they probably aren't thinking twice about it, I can't help but think how they see it?

t.h.i.s. s.u.c.k.s.!

[SmokinMeanRibz]

Man I just hosted my brother's bachelor party at Panama City Beach. 2 nights 3 days of non stop hanging with my buddies. It really took the edge off.

See if you can work out some kind of guys night out with your sons. Obviously you don't want to go out drinking with your sons like me and my buddies did, but the same principle applies.

[Dad2Chaz]

Your point about them turning 18 and no longer having to deal with them... True to a sense. She won't have control over anything anymore. As in who you live with (my situation), paying her and all that. You will see her at weddings, graduations, celebrations and such, but not to that extent. I would look at it as a positive. Like ONLY 3 MORE YEARS!

I have a S3, and every day I have to deal with her, I think ONLY 15 MORE YEARS! But then I question the age of majority in Alabama being 19, and wonder if I have to pay that long! hah!

[Bubba Seal]

James Im 8 years past the inital shock of getting a divorce, it can get better if you will just try to envision what you want your life to look like in a positive manner and plan in that direction.

My kids are 20 and 15, Ive been thru a lot of things, but my life is way better now than then, the ex and I even get along, we change our schedule all the time, I have my daughter for about the next 10 days while she is working out of town, she made the comment before she left, I know you and I didnt work out, but you are about the best dad on the planet, thanks!

5 to 6 years ago that exchange would have been WWIII.

I think humor helped me a lot, and just trying to live positively no matter what was going on, hell it was only money that stressed the hell out of me for so long, but my world didnt end it got better and better.

Good Luck and just hang in there, working out is great, anything to make you sweat will help, or with any free time you have take up some hobby that you just never had the chance to do, you are building a new life, and you can make it as good or bad as you want, that choice is up to you.