Custody Questions, W moving out of state

Parental Alienation Syndrome, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Custody Questions, W moving out of state

Postby danielf » Thu Apr 26, 2012 2:24 pm

I need help/advice with what to seek in a custody agreement in my coming divorce.
My wife is seeking a D after 11.5 years married and 3 children (D10, S9, S7).
We have been in CO for 3 years, and she has not put down roots here and plans on moving (with children) back home to TX at the end of the school year.
I have a lot of reasons to want to stay here, but acknowledge that family support in TX might be best for the kids.
W has been homemaker, and while I don't hold the opinion that this means everything should be mine, I also don't want to end up w/o my kids because I have more "earning capacity."
She presented me with separation terms, but I need help with them. She is obviously not trying to ring me out or close me out, but I am very worried that I will be closed out of my children's everyday lives.
Here are the basic terms she is suggesting:
Legal Custody. The parties agree to maintain joint legal custody of their minor children.
Physical Custody: W will have more days with the children, but I will always have the first option for having the children on all holidays and any weekends or non-school days that I wish.
Parenting Time/< parenting time >: Every other weekend starting Friday at 5pm and ending on Sunday at 7pm
I will be responsible for all transportation
$1500/mo child-support
$900/mo spousal support

I guess what I am hoping to ask for (and need help in constructing) is 50/50 physical custody once I am able to relocate to TX.
Thank you in advance for any help, advice, or consolation.
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Re: Custody Questions, W moving out of state

Postby jumbledone » Thu Apr 26, 2012 2:36 pm

Move with her, establish residency. Colorado law is going to (co)screw you over. Get the jurisdiction changed to TX before she files.

It is better to get the divorce done in Tx after residency standards are met. Sweet talk her about how you want this to end amicably, but if you're both going to move, let's put it off for a little while to save the money back up from the move. Make sure that you have 50% custody.

If she was SAHM, 11 years in CO, looking at at least 6 years of alimony, plus CS.

Also, she is offering you the bare minimum that a (non-violent) felony offender can get with their kids. Are you really ok with that?

Other tack to take is to tell her, 'Go ahead and move. The kids stay here.'

You're still on the hook for alimony, but CS would be reduced or be owed to you. Also, generally the spouse that moves is responsible for transportation costs for the kids to see the other parent.

YMMV. Think carefully, though.
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Re: Custody Questions, W moving out of state

Postby Fatheroffour » Thu Apr 26, 2012 2:38 pm

AGreed. Move with her to Texas. It's a much friendlier state to divorce in than CO.

You could be looking at lifetime alimony in CO while probably none in Texas.
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Re: Custody Questions, W moving out of state

Postby Anything4Her » Thu Apr 26, 2012 2:39 pm

Based on the difference in Colorado and Texas law, you will come out better in terms of alimony and custody in Texas.

If you are resolved that you will be moving back to Texas anyway, I agree with
jumbledone wrote:It is better to get the divorce done in Tx after residency standards are met. Sweet talk her about how you want this to end amicably, but if you're both going to move, let's put it off for a little while to save the money back up from the move. Make sure that you have 50% custody.


You will have *maybe* 3 years of alimony in Texas and more than double that in Colorado. The percentage is also lower and manageable in Texas.

Coscrewed will be along shortly to tell you that you are nuts to get divorced in Colorado.

-A4H
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Re: Custody Questions, W moving out of state

Postby coscrewed » Tue May 01, 2012 10:43 am

Anything4Her wrote:Based on the difference in Colorado and Texas law, you will come out better in terms of alimony and custody in Texas.

If you are resolved that you will be moving back to Texas anyway, I agree with
jumbledone wrote:It is better to get the divorce done in Tx after residency standards are met. Sweet talk her about how you want this to end amicably, but if you're both going to move, let's put it off for a little while to save the money back up from the move. Make sure that you have 50% custody.


You will have *maybe* 3 years of alimony in Texas and more than double that in Colorado. The percentage is also lower and manageable in Texas.

Coscrewed will be along shortly to tell you that you are nuts to get divorced in Colorado.

-A4H


Here I am...

Reconcile, move to TX, establish residency (very important), then file for divorce. You'll thank me in two years.

If you divorce in CO, you could be looking at paying 40% of your gross for life just in alimony. I'm not kidding.
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Re: Custody Questions, W moving out of state

Postby danielf » Tue May 01, 2012 11:03 am

coscrewed wrote:Here I am...

Reconcile, move to TX, ...


If I could just figure out that first part, I wouldn't need this forum. :)

Thank you guys for the advice. She is dead set on moving at the end of the school year. I've been dragging my feet on signing the 2-party divorce papers for a couple of months. I am worried that she will go ahead and file whatever before moving. I need to see a lawyer and get some scary ammo like "if you file, you can't move the children w/o a court order."

I don't want to be a doormat, but I don't know how to balance that with not wanting to start a war in my family.
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Re: Custody Questions, W moving out of state

Postby Anything4Her » Tue May 01, 2012 11:57 am

danielf wrote:
coscrewed wrote:I don't want to be a doormat, but I don't know how to balance that with not wanting to start a war in my family.


Let me guess, she has no compunctions about escalating and starting a war, right?

You don't balance it. You do what is right and let the chips fall where they may. If you are overly concerned with the kids 'hearing fighting', then you (and they) will get completely screwed.
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