Obtaining 50/50

[SmokinMeanRibz]

Some of you are aware of the things on my plate right now - more specifically my ex wanting to move with D3. Things haven't even begun to heat up yet. NJ has even stated that the move "might" happen and if it does, "Babydaddy will be able to provide a better life for D3 and NJ". It is not "Babydaddy's" job to provide for D3. It is mine. That is why I am willing to fight tooth and nail to have D3 stay here with me and let NJ and Babydaddy move.

I know that doing this will involve a custody mod and relocation case. Neither NJ nor I can afford this. I know that I am a HUGE obstacle preventing NJ from moving. She knows as well.

Nothing is keeping me in my current town except for D3. As some of you know, I even had a momentary lapse of judgement where I considered moving. I have since determined that being local is indeed the very best thing I can do.

I have come up with an idea that I would like to run by you folks. The place where NJ wants to move actually could provide more potential for me as well. There are several colleges I can attend and a larger job market. What if I were to write a letter to NJ saying basically,

"I understand you and babydaddy's desperation to move to Orlando. Fighting in court over this issue will be very costly for both of us. I would like to offer you a compromise. If I agree to you moving, I will move to Orlando as well. I will only agree to moving to Orlando under one condition. Once we are down there and settled in, I gain 50/50 custody where I will have equal time sharing with you and no one pays child support. If you do not agree with this stipulation, then I will object to your relocation. If you do agree, I will have my attorney draw up a new parenting plan that reflects the new conditions of parenting time. I hope that we can work something out."

I am thinking that this could be my way of gaining 50/50 without fighting it out in court. What do you guys think?

[defaultuser]

I think its a great idea, but you should modify it in a couple different ways. Also, make sure an attorney goes over any finalized version to be entered into the court record.

My recommended changes:

1. Instead of saying, 'when I move', say 'if I move'. You want her to think that she'll be able to move away and you won't follow.

2. Make sure you stipulate the move to location.

3. Make sure you outline a 50/50 time-sharing schedule. (not necessary unless she goes for it).

4. Instead of saying 'no child support' say, 'guidelines child support' Its just not going to happen that no one will have to pay. CS is much lower at 50/50 in FL.

5. If you get to the point where you're drafting a new agreement, put anything else you want in there as well, like a good ROFR if you don't have one.

Also, you may want to time it right. No sense in sending the letter unless she really wants to move, like when her new man gets accepted to his school.

[defaultuser]

You could also do what my X did to me. She agreed to everything I proposed about the move and then renig at the last minute, after she is committed to moving. Then you'd get your kid almost all the time...

Keep in mind settlement negotiations, like your letter, are inadmissible in court.

[SmokinMeanRibz]

You are right. Timing is key. In her e-mail responding to my objection, she mentioned that babydaddy has to be accepted into law school first. She said that if he isn't accepted that they aren't going anywhere.

I wouldn't be opposed to moving, but I am going to give her the impression that I will only allow the move if I get 50/50. But yea, I won't do anything until I get the word that babydaddy is accepted.

I like your ideas with the wording. I really want to make sure I say everything correctly. I also want her to know that if she is opposed to moving with the stipulation of me gaining 50/50, I am prepared to do what I have to to keep D3 in my town.

In the event NJ rejects my compromise, can that possibly affect a judge's decision?

[defaultuser]

In the event NJ rejects my compromise, can that possibly affect a judge's decision?

Not if you do it right.

If you send it through your attorney with a notice that its a settlement negotiation she can't even mention it in court.

Again, with the FL laws so slanted against relocation, I'd be shocked if you lost that relocation case.

[SmokinMeanRibz]

So are you saying that I can benefit by being able to say, "I wanted to give my permission for the move under the condition that we have 50/50 parenting time when we all move, but she is opposed"

[Chosen2Dad]

I love the fact you have that opportunity...always leave an option out...like the "if" vs. "when" You know you will...but leave ball in your court. Less is more.

As much of the no one pays child support. I don't know your financials. I say the same thing for myself, but my stbx makes more than double me. And she will have to pay. It's business. And it's for my S2, not for me. Like it will be your D3's right, not yours or the x.

[davidd]

Stepping up to take on 50/50 parenting, going with the plan when it's the best thing for everyone, being the adult who's willing to compromise. Bravo sir. Role model material.

Now my questions: Is being a hard-ass and delivering an ultimatum the best first step in this negotiation? What are her objections to 50/50 custody? Can you address those and turn this into a win-win instead of picking a fight right off the bat?

[SmokinMeanRibz]

I have recently objected to her intent to relocate. When she is in desperate mode and ready to fight it out in court, I plan on offering her my compromise of me moving as well and gaining 50/50.

My hopes are that she will be more than happy to compromise since it will give her what she wants (the move) and allow me to be in my daughter's life more.

If she does not accept my compromise and would rather try to take me to court in order to keep primary status AND move - thats when I will be a hard-ass.

[Fatheroffour]

Lets not let the vague child molestation charge fade from memory too fast.

You may smile to her face but you never turn your back on that snake.