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I believe I generally lacked a healthy self-esteem and self-confidence. Just examining my relationship with my STBX who is controlling and bossy to an extent without really standing my ground and previous women, I believe I wore my lack of high self-esteem and confidence on my sleeve and the controlling types I attracted sniffed that out. I was too passive and not assertive enough to stand up for myself (most of the time) and just take whatever people dished out.
I am working hard on myself now (listening to inspirational programs, reading inspirational material, exercising, setting and attaining goals, controlling my diet, feeding my mind and spirit with positive, life-enhancing material, etc) and believe in myself way more than I ever did in the past. I am working on the inner world as it reflects what I send out to everyone else. Reading over some other threads and thinking about what I am doing in my own life lead me to realize I have not stood my ground enough. If I would have stood my ground years ago, I would not be married to the woman I am currently married to. I finally grew a pair to admit this isn't going anywhere and it must be changed. I married out of fear of what other people thought if I didn't marry her, letting my fiance down, etc if I called off the wedding (my GUT feeling was screaming "don't marry this woman").
Now, I am noticing how people on my job, out in the general public, etc are treating me (much better) because I am treating myself better and placing high value on who I am....sh*t, I am somebody and deserve to have a woman in my life who loves and respects me and know that I love and respect her...but always will love and respect myself FIRST from this day forward. No more do I value someone's personal opinion or viewpoint of me over my own.
No more wallowing from me. It's game time and regardless of the outcome of this upcoming divorce, it will be a win for me because I believe it, expect and damn it, most of all, I deserve it. No more putting a woman's acceptance of me on a pedestal above acceptance of myself. No more handing my self-worth over to anyone...it belongs to me and it is mine. No more handing my self-confidence, self-esteem and self-respect away in the name of pleasing someone else.....it's mine and I am keeping it until death do us part.
"Self, I promise to hold and cherish you, protect you, honor you, keep you, take care of you, improve you, nurture you and make sure you know that I have your back always as long as we both shall live." "Self and Spirit/Mind, I now pronounce you ready to enjoy a rebirth. You may go and enjoy your life!"
Book Recommendation (I only found the Amazon Kindle Edition of this book but you can read it on any device (including laptops) that you can put the Kindle software on:
How to Become an Alpha Male by John Alexander
I started reading this book and man, it is loaded with tips on dealing with women and self-esteem and self-confidence issues. Guys, it is worth the investment for all of the tips you can get out of it. I highly recommend it!
I don't know. A lot of your postings could be written by a lot of the NJ's men on this site have to deal with. The whole "I'm not happy, I deserve more, me, me, me, me" selfishness is standard NJ script. What about promises you made? What about the fact that you will not sleep in the same home with your child every night? How are you going to feel about other men playing a parental role in your child's life? In essence the person that initiates the divorce is stealing their child's family. Can you look your child in the eye years from now and say you did everything?
I'm with those who find this post strikingly similar to what a NJ would think and write post-divorce, that they were the victim of some sort of out-of-body experience, and external evil influences capitalizing on weakness. It is the avoidance of personal responsibility to blame it on esoteric concepts like low self-esteem.
The way I see it, the cart is being placed ahead of the horse here. Self-esteem and Self-Confidence are the result of accomplishment and of completing worthy goals. The life issues that the OP describes are a result of being lazy and taking the softer, easier way out.
If you find something offensive in what I write, please accept my apology in advance. (Not that I'm going to change anything just because you don't like it, but it's not my goal to offend anyone.)