Hi and welcome to DadsDivorce, the leader in divorce help for men, fathers rights and mens rights. We provide divorced dads with concrete, practical divorce resources to achieve the best results in the courtroom.
My tale began on other posts. I'll post the link, but right now I am at a low point.
Journaled, read the List, been Super Dad (or, so I thought). Had a temporary hearing a few days ago asking for primary of S10 and residence.
I did not even get joint, and am out of the house. As my atty said, it is a broken and biased system. Now, he probably would not have said that if it had gone the other way.
So, licking my wounds. Exhaling. My plan B was that I would be out of the house, so I had already lined up a rental. Glad I did. Getting stuff out this weekend.
The judge ordered us to mediation for custody starting next week. He said that we need to work it out.
So, my plan is to fight for more time. I have all of the documentation. I am not falling on my sword or quitting.
I experienced first hand that it comes down to money, lies and smear by the other side. Couple that with the built in "boob" bias and a SAHM who worked very little (with an advanced degree), and there you go....
OK, I don't expect any pity party. You guys are great at the 2x4's. I will dust myself off and fight on. Right now, I just feel like I got hit by a train.
geez. I guess it does happen alot. hold your head high. All you can do is fight for custody and you are doing that. Plus S10 will make his own choices in the not so distant future when he grows up. I am negotiating with stbx on my custody i presented a 45%/55% with me as primary with being fair as the theme, but she continues to want more and more time. after reading this I may throw her a day or two to get her to agree to the temp orders.
Give yourself a day or two to reflect, then get back with your attorney, and do a post mortem on the session. What do you think went wrong, what does your attorney think went wrong.
Formulate what you want, and how you think you can get there. Bring that with. Find out atty's thoughts on your thoughts. Continue to check in and make sure atty is still wanting to go the same direction as you. If not, find new attorney.
So instead of looking at this as a battle lost, look at how you can learn from your first experience in a Family Law Court.
You seem to have a good head up on those shoulders of yours, use it to your advantage.
The meaning of life is Happiness. What makes you happy? - Dalai Lama
Family court isn't Burger King. In spite of what you may think, you simply can't have it your way. - TK
Same here my friend....stay strong and keep fighting. Filing a motion to reconsider on Monday. I may not win, but I'm going to break her trying. I vow to file every applicable appeal/motion I can. It keeps me going.
It's no foregone conclusion, situations like this will test any man's mettle. Think of this as a litmus test, of sorts.
Now's a good time to step out of the box and regroup. For most of us, that means starting from scratch.
Read The List again - and again.
Let me claify. It's not enough to merely read The List. The List is nothing more than a template. You're job is to build a list of your own and then plan accordingly. Doing anything less is compromise.
Remember, be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself plenty of opportunity to make mistakes. That's how you learn. That's also why it's important to have plenty of Plan's-B in your portfolio.
Moreover, I cannot stress the importance of getting connected with a dad's support group. This site is a good start. But it's not enough. Nothing beats sharing face-to-face info with other dads in your area. Not only will it build your case, it also makes you stronger.
In time's like these, it's only natural to reach out to friends and family for support. Remember, this is a litmus test for them too.
I cannot stress this enough!! BEWARE of nay-sayers; especially life-long friends and nosey family members. Never forget, they are not true friends. Avoid them like the plague.
Instead, make new friends with winners; dads such as yourself. Hang out with them regularily. These are the people you want in your corner when times get tough. Conversely, they will need you in their corner as well.