Need some direction...from Georgia

[tech1976]

Sparing the details (rocky marriage, married the wrong person) and getting straight to the point, I want a divorce. I have told my wife before that I want a divorce (I see now that was a huge mistake) but it seems like she views it as if I don't mean it (I take responsibility for that) and acts like I didn't say anything.

This time, I am 100 percent serious. Here is where I am running into issues. We have a child together, jointly own the home we are in and are still living together. I make almost twice what she makes. I told her we need to sit down and talk things out because I am going to file for divorce. She always say "I don't want to talk right now". I want it to be a cordial divorce where we can hammer everything out in advance but it doesn't look like it is going to be that way.

Here is where I am. I am thinking about just filing on my own for a contested divorce and lawyer up later when things get in motion. The reason why I am thinking about doing this is, 1) to save money on having a lawyer do it for me and 2) to let my STBX know I am serious. I have never served her with papers and we still live (room) together. I want joint custody and will fight as hard as I can for it but will also be prepared to offer and accept an alternate schedule if it is within reason.

Any thoughts on this?

[RC211V]

Like everybody will say, have you read The List? She could be telling you she doesn't want to talk now because she has her own plans and is trying to keep you disarmed so she can get ahead of you. Quit talking to her about what you want to do and do it.

Also, are you sure you really want to divorce? No need to give details, but make sure it is the right decision because it is going to be real sucky for you, because you will not likely get to see your kid as much as you have the opportunity to now, and because you make twice the money.

Can you have 50/50, reasonably, with your work? She won't want to go for that, no matter how much she says so now. She is going to try to get them 100% and you're going to have to fight for 50/50.

A few guys are from Georgia with specific experience. FatherofFour is the man, he'll have good adivce probably.

[Fatheroffour]

Read the links in my signature then read them again.

It's understandable that you would want 50/50 with your children post divorce. There are basically two ways to get that.

1) Your wife agrees to it.

2) You have a documented history of providing 50% or more of the daily hands on day to day care of the child.

WIth 1, your chances of getting 50/50 are good. With 2, your chanced depend upon the quality of your documentation and your judge.


SO, for starters, are you currently providing at least half the day to day hands on care for your child? If not, you should start doing that and build a documentable history of doing that before you even consider filing for divorce.

2) to let my STBX know I am serious.

If you are going to divorce her, what do you care what she thinks? [Rhet}

You will also need to work on Radio Silence (Not tipping your hand) and disconnecting from her emotionally (not caring what she thinks).

[tech1976]

SO, for starters, are you currently providing at least half the day to day hands on care for your child? If not, you should start doing that and build a documentable history of doing that before you even consider filing for divorce.

Generally, STBX does more with our daughter. I have picked up my involvement quite a bit.

If you are going to divorce her, what do you care what she thinks? [Rhet}

You will also need to work on Radio Silence (Not tipping your hand) and disconnecting from her emotionally (not caring what she thinks).

Point taken.

[Fatheroffour]

IMO, You need to step up your involvement to the point that you do not need to rely on your wife for anything regarding the care of your child. Don't miss a doctors appointment or a school meeting. Volunteer to help in the classroom. Chaperone field trips. Take kiddo with you when you go to the auto parts store or the home improvement store.

How old is your child?

You say you want joint. That you will get. Georgia wll usually default to joint legal and physical custody but that doesn't mean what most people seem to think it means so you need to be clear in what it is you are asking for.

[tech1976]

How old is your child?

6 years old. What are some examples of joint custody that you are aware of? I am under the impression that the child spends as close to an equal amount of time with each parent as possible with both parents having equal (and reasonable) decision making authority concerning the child.

[Fatheroffour]

In Georgia joint physical custody incorporates everything from every other weekend with you and the mother has all the rest of the time to every other weekend with mom and the rest of the time with you and every other possible combination in between.

Joint legal basically means you are competent to make the day to day decisions for the child while they are in your care and are legally entitled to all the forms and paperwork associated with parenting your child such as school paperwork and medical information.


Another homework assignment for you is to begin reading the Georgia Domestic Relations Code. Found here.

http://law.onecle.com/georgia/19/index.html

It's the law. It's at times confusing but the better you know it the better you will be able to craft your case to fit the law, thereby getting a better outcome.

[tech1976]

Thanks.

[Fatheroffour]

No problem.

Read,read,read. Knowledge is power and you're going to need all you can muster to get a decent outcome in the court system. Don't make the mistake of thinking 'fair' is what the family court system is for. Its not. Fair isn't a consideration. Everything revolves around a strange perversion known as the Best Interest standard where some stranger who doesn't know you and likely doesn't even like you gets to decide what's in your childrens best interest.

[tech1976]

BTW, love your avatar,