She wants to take kids for fathers day

[jumbledone]

Not divorced yet, but inching closer. We negotiated custody ok.

Well, I had planned on a soccer tourney and spending time with the kiddos over Dad's day weekend. Then I looked at a family event invite she recently received that was laying around... And it was for Father's day weekend out of state (6-8 hours away). She wants to bring the kids. She didn't even tell me about it. What do I say? I know it is two months away, but it is supposed to be my weekend, and a tourney for my daughters team.

Maybe I bring the kids to a cabin for mom's day - which happens to be walleye opener here. Stick to my guns or find a way to compromise?

[kangaroocourt]

I wouldn't compromise even 1 second of my time on father's day weekend.

[Trevor]

I know it is two months away, but it is supposed to be my weekend, and a tourney for my daughters team.

It's not only your weekend, but it's Fathers' Day weekend. Some will argue that "every day should be Fathers' Day" but I feel kinda protective of that date, still...so my vote is, "sorry, I would never ask you to skip your birthday or mothers' day so I am sure you'll understand my plans for Fathers' Day are settled already."

[Chris A]

Do not give that away. Plan a better party make it fun and memorable. Water park. BBQ and family.

[jumbledone]

Was thinking of staying in a hotel near the tourney with pool and waterslide. Or going to see a professional team in the sport my daughter plays... And a big ol' BBQ that only dad can do.

[defaultuser]

Just to reiterate, its important not to give away stuff or compromise unless it is in your child's best interest. If you give up a father's day bonding experience for your kid, the translation to the court will likely be that you would rather not spend fathers day with your kids and the mom is really the one who should be looking after the kids day to day.

Giving up parenting time is almost never a good idea. Doing things like trading days if it benefits the kids is ok, but if you let someone take your parenting time, especially pre-divorce, you're likely to lose that time.

[Fatheroffour]

Trade it for Mothers Day.

[Thoughts?]

Was gonna be a smart alec and say "just say no." Then I liked FoF's response better.

No, or swap it for Mom's day.

[RC211V]

Last year mothers day was on my weekend. I texted her about when she wanted to have the kids. she replied that since she didn't have a guy to help them make her breakfast in bed, she didn't need to have them and I could keep them.

Another time there was a mothers day tea with the kids at the kindergarten. She forgot about it.

You might ask how she would feel about trading for moms day, but if she says she will, would you want to trade? I wouldn't. Kinda up to you, but for sure if it isn't something more important for the kids than spending time with you, no need to even negotiate about it.

[jumbledone]

The family event is in another state, not sure I feel comfortable with that... Sure Grams and Gramps would be there, too, but their second cousins and such? Yeah, they see them once a year (not normally this weekend). And they can see Grams and Gramps the next weekend, or the weekend prior.

I'm going silent on this, and expecting the kids to spend that weekend with me. She'll need to bring it up again, and offer a fantastic deal for me to agree to 1: Giving up of 'special' time that overrides all other custody times, per the doc her lawyer wrote, 'special days' trump vacation, etc. 2: More than compensates the kids for the time they miss with me.

More I think about it, the appropriate answer is: Go pound sand.