Care to share the good/bad about your parenting schedule?

Parental Alienation Syndrome, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Care to share the good/bad about your parenting schedule?

Postby forkidsandsanity07 » Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:27 am

Hello to you all,
(In California) I have been doing research on common parenting plans and although I am reading what it says, and learning a bit, but I have a question for all the good dads here:

Would you be willing to share your thoughts with regard to your particular parenting plan(s). STBXNJ and I have S10 and D8, so if you have experience with your kid(s) near those ages, it is appreciated.

More specifically, I was reading about the "5,2,2,5"; "3,3,4,4"; and even the "2,2,3,2,2,3" plans. If these did or did not work for you, could you share as to why or why not.

Yes, I have read the list. Yes, I am putting the list in action. Yes, I have a recorder going during all interaction with STBX. Yes, I am documenting all parenting time.

Thanks for your help, guys. You, and this site, are blessings.
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Re: Care to share the good/bad about your parenting schedule

Postby Trevor » Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:35 am

Your kids are old enough for week on/off; the other plans simply add more exchanges to their week, meaning opportunities to forget books, shinguards, tap shoes, clothing, etc. Each parent, being informed about the kids' activities during the week, can certainly attend rehearsals, practices, and matches in order to see the kids during their "off" week, and daily phone calls (or every other day) are probably sufficient for the parental connection. Seems to me the more frequent exchanges can work when both parents act like adults and don't mind so much seeing each other after divorce...but that is rarely the case, especially when new sex partners start appearing in the picture.
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Re: Care to share the good/bad about your parenting schedule

Postby forkidsandsanity07 » Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:55 am

Thanks, Trevor. Would add a mid-week, hour or two visit be anything less than complicating. No, let me rephrase that... A mid-week visit would be good for the kids to see the other parent, but could it stand to be too much complication than it might be worth?

(I understand that this would be situationally dependent for each and every dad. I am soliciting opinions to factor into my own decision-making process.)

Thanks,
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Re: Care to share the good/bad about your parenting schedule

Postby Trevor » Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:57 am

Being open to that possibility would look good in court, if your X can do it without drama and difficulty. She p/u the kids after work or from school, has them home by 7:30 for showers and homework and bedtime. Something like that can work, if the parents aren't idiots. Only one being an idiot can ruin the arrangement, so says Captain Obvious.
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Re: Care to share the good/bad about your parenting schedule

Postby Fatheroffour » Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:51 pm

Week to week worked out OK when we were doing it but the midweek visit was a PITA. Late getting there, late getting back, kids wanting to stay or go, not knowing whether it was going to be cancelled and have to make other plans all turned out to be a waste of time, IMO.
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Re: Care to share the good/bad about your parenting schedule

Postby massdaddio » Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:59 pm

I would make the mid-week a special 1:1 time for each kid, go out to dinner or shopping or an activity like mini-golf or bowling. You take D8 one week, your ex takes D8 the next week, then you take S10 the next week and your ex taks S10 the week after. It's a real treat for kids to get the 1:1 time and it also gives the other kids 1:1 time with the other parent.
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Re: Care to share the good/bad about your parenting schedule

Postby Fatheroffour » Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:12 pm

Agreed.

With multiple kids there is never enough one on one time.
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Re: Care to share the good/bad about your parenting schedule

Postby forkidsandsanity07 » Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:43 pm

Massdaddio,
That seems like an awesome idea. Of course, NJ will let me know how bad of an idea it is. Thanks for your input.

Fo4,
Thanks for your input also. Good things to keep in mind.
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Re: Care to share the good/bad about your parenting schedule

Postby mbxdad » Tue Apr 17, 2012 4:45 pm

One S12 here, and we started with 5/2/2/5 because the NJ felt she couldn't go more than a few days without seeing S12 (note: this was done to please NJ, not S12. Whenever something is being done for a parent rather than the kid, it's a red flag...).

Though 5/2/2/5 was predictable and worked for me and NJ, it was confusing for S12 and had too much back and forth. After six months of it, S12 requested we switch to week on / week off which is working much better. We also have a mid-week 1:1 time with the other parent (parent picks up child after school, drops off by 9:00 with homework done, in theory).

The 1:1 mid-week visit is great for S12 (he seems to enjoy it), good for the parent since it is focused 1:1 time, and also good for the other parent who may enjoy the mid-week break for maybe a quick little bit of extracurricular activity 8 )
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Re: Care to share the good/bad about your parenting schedule

Postby defaultuser » Tue Apr 17, 2012 5:06 pm

I have a 5225 schedule. Im seeking more tIme but my if I don't get it I will try for week on week off. I'm tired of picking up the peices every few days and fixing my x's mistakes. Week on week off might be harder on the kids but would be easier on me.

I think you need to evaluate your x and how nj she is and decide what is best in your situation.
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