She knows how to push my buttons

[SickLife]

Joint custody, I am the non-custodial parent. Permanent residence is with NJ.

Lastnight I get a text from the NJ saying that she helped our D11 sign up for a Facebook account. Apparently D11 setup a fake account recently without us knowing about it. She stated she would rather have our D11 be under supervision then do it against our back. NJ knew I wouldn't be happy, last year she stood 100% with me on the issue. I have specifically been against this since our D11 has asked me last year. I said at age 13 we would evaluate her grades and decide at that time. For now, it is against the TOS to have a Facebook account under the age of 13. In the text she stated she didn't want to fight about it, but knew I would be unhappy.

I replied back. First stating this should of been discussed with me to begin with, also stating that it is not wise to support bad behavior if she is creating a fake account without us knowing. I mentioned her grades have been "C" average at best and having a FB account will in no way help those grades at all. Then I mentioned I would like to see her stand beside me and support the issue. That was lastnight. No reply yet. I prefer to text because of her explosive nature which usually results in nothing getting resolved

I know with FB you can lock down the security pretty good. I am concerned about her grades and the amount of unregulated time she is at home on a computer. I am not ready to let her have an online presence yet.

I feel this is an issue I have no control over. Am I overeacting?? I was curious what you guys feel about the issue. I read the TOS of Facebook, it stated I can report the account and have it terminated quickly. D11 has already added several friends, relatives from both sides of the family.

[Fatheroffour]

My D is 11 and has been asking for over a year because all her friends have accounts. So far, I have not let her. That said, it is the new world they live in. Internet is a new thing for us. For them its been around their whole life.

[tsawyer]

NO, NO, NO, NO DO NOT let your kids have a Facebook account, or use the Internet without direct supervision. It is filled with nothing but porn and adult images wherever you go. Even innocent sites like Foxnews are flooded with stories about the latest boob job Kim Kardashian got, or the threesome Lindsey Lohan just had.

It is pure poison, and I would suggest filtering your children from it for as long as possible. No good will come from it; mark my words.

[Transcended]

To preface my reply, I hate Facebook and think its something for kids and adults that have never really grown up. My Ex used FB as her tool for cheating BTW and its how I eventually found out and subsequently divorced her. A blessing and a curse I suppose.

That being said I don't think you really have much control over this. It's what kids do nowadays. I think the best you can do is join Facebook yourself and insist that your daughter add you as a friend so at least you have some chance of monitoring what is going on. But even then you won't be privy to PMs she sends and receives to others on Facebook unless she provides you with the password to her account.

Even if you and EX formed a united front on no FB, how exactly would you be able to prevent her from creating another account without your knowledge?

Limit and block access to FB when she is with you but when she is with EX, Im not sure there is really much you can do.

[tsawyer]

To preface my reply, I hate Facebook and think its something for kids and adults that have never really grown up. My Ex used FB as her tool for cheating BTW and its how I eventually found out and subsequently divorced her. A blessing and a curse I suppose.

That being said I don't think you really have much control over this. It's what kids do nowadays. I think the best you can do is join Facebook yourself and insist that your daughter add you as a friend so at least you have some chance of monitoring what is going on. But even then you won't be privy to PMs she sends and receives to others on Facebook unless she provides you with the password to her account.

Even if you and EX formed a united front on no FB, how exactly would you be able to prevent her from creating another account without your knowledge?

Limit and block access to FB when she is with you but when she is with EX, Im not sure there is really much you can do.

Facebook, Myspace, all of those social networking sites are straight from hell. It is how my Ex cheated as well.

You most certainly do have control over Facebook and the Internet in your home. You are paying for the Internet, you get to say who uses it and who doesn't. No kids under the age of 18 can use the Internet without my direct supervision. It is that bad, and a child has no business using it unsupervised.

As far as Facebook and Internet at the EX's; not much you can do. I would suggest writing a letter laying out your concerns, and ask her to support your decision.

[defaultuser]

This stuff comes up from time to time. I wonder what would happen if you sent FB a letter informing them that the account X,Y,Z is really an 11 year old. Would they take action and shut it down?

[Trevor]

This might be an interesting experiment.

[thecaptain24]

This stuff comes up from time to time. I wonder what would happen if you sent FB a letter informing them that the account X,Y,Z is really an 11 year old. Would they take action and shut it down?

You can report the profile once it's created informing them the child is under the age of the requirements.

[davidd]

Guys,

Facebook is not evil. I use it regularly for business as well as social situations. My choir is raising money through FB connections and booking tours. My business is connecting to people who genuinely need my services.

Yes, it can be a waste of time, and for some, addictive, like anything else that feeds compulsive behavior.

My daughter has had an account since she was 11 and at 15 uses it to set up meetings (including homework) with her friends, stay in touch with kids from camp, and communicate with her swim team. Early on my biggest fear about the internet was the massive message barrage that tells her she's worthless if she's not showing her < breasties > and vying for boys' attention. But guess what, those messages are everywhere.

I have a very private daughter, she talks about very little, but her grades are good, she posts very little to FB and knows all about the consequences of cyber bullying. We talk about it a fare amount, and her school addresses it regularly, not prohibitively, but through frank discussions. She's done fine, and is doing fine. That's the measurement I follow, and her mood, and her willingness to take risks and socialize face-to-face.

I suggest you ease into FB, sign up yourself, require that she friend you, and welcome yourself into the age of our childrens' generation. They will own it soon enough. We want to be there with them.

-DD

[Fatheroffour]

One of the reasons I don't let my kids have a FB account is so I don't have to monitor it.

PITA.