More Last Name Issues

[DallasDad]

Okay. I've posted on here before about how my ex is working me to let her change my daughter's (9yo) last name to her new husband's last name. She asked me, I said "no". She took our daughter to therapy - and had the therapist asked me, I said "no". Daughter is happy, smiling, no issues. The issue is that my ex wants everyone in her house to have her last name.

The last thing I told her is: Stop asking. I won't say yes. If she wants to change it at 18, that's her prerogative, but I won't agree to it.

So, after her angry email reply, she's stopped asking.

BUT - she's now started sending my daughter in personalized t-shirts with their last name on it. For this example, let's say their last name is "Jones" (it's not). So virtually every time I pick up my daughter, she has a shirt that says "Jones University" or "Jones Yachting Club" or "Jones Farms".

Last night, it was crazy. I picked her up in yet another t-shirt... "Jones Lake" --- and her Mom had sent her with a change of clothes for school. What's the shirt? The EXACT DUPLICATE "Jones Lake" shirt she was wearing when I picked her UP!?! What are they doing? Buying these shirts in BULK???

Any advice?

Ignore it?

Buy shirts for my daughter with HER last name on them - and send her back with them?

IS there anything I can do? Or SHOULD do?

It's seems like some weird brainwashing, propaganda campaign - and obviously, my ex wants me to GET THE POINT. Yeesh.

Thoughts? Ideas?

Thanks!

[Fatheroffour]

It is definitely a brainwashing campaign.


I say document it fully.

She will never be able to go back and claim it was the kids idea or that the kid was uncomfortable for some reason with having a different last name. She is making it clear what she is doing and has already done.

As far as what to do, I'm not sure. The bigger deal you make out of it just draws attention to it from all sides. Any counter campaign will look just as childish, IMO. Right now I would document it and look through the decree and see what else you can bundle this with when it's time to take her back and get a few things cleared up. I think this loosely falls under not promoting the relationship with the other parent, disparaging/alienating, whatever clause you have.

[capslock]

I would send an r3 stating the history of ex's campaign, your objection, and let her know I was logging the tremendous number of efforts which were nothing short of psychological warfare and reiterate my objection with a warning that if it continued you would pursue court ordered remedies.

[BartSimpson]

Ohhhh, if I had only known.

Remember that my divorce was decades ago, and my daughter is now 30-something.

When her mom was doing this 20 years ago, it was so similar. I knew she was just pushing my buttons, and I did my best to ignore it so as to not place my child in the middle.

Today, in hindsight, I wish I had snatched up one-of-each. Every bit of that swag would be worth so much more than it ever was to her! What I would give for a Jones Lake shirt today.

Because Mr. Jones is long gone - horrible fellow according to the Ex and my own daughter. The marriage went down in a ball of fire, everybody got burned. Bad feelings to this day - not unusual for a NJ.

But now, when my daughter visits, that Jones brand merch would be the best joke ever. We'd likely find some useful purpose for all the Jones' line of stuff, washing the car or swabbing out the toilet or making a scarecrow for the vineyard.

Aim high in steering - the joke will be on your Ex a thousand fold if you scoop up as much of that swag as you can.

[KeepingMyKids]

I say document it fully.

Something I heard about from my boss (divorce/CPS attorney and former family court judge) on a situation almost just like this, a NJ and new husband having made for a little boy screen shirts, hats, pennants, personalized books, trophies and medals even - all with the NJ's new last name on them. Dad had piled all of this stuff on his bed - ALL of it - and taken a picture to submit as proof. She said the photo of a load of items covering the bed all bearing the last name NJ was trying to push on this little boy wiped away any doubt of "Oh, we just made a few things for the family..." arguments.

[newwife]

If you send child back in clothes with you last name will NJ stop? NO
If you tell NJ to cut it out will she stop? NO
If you send R3 letter will she stop? NO

I don't think there's anything you can really do right now. NJ will do as NJ does.

[chereeda]

She's putting you on notice that she's not done with this issue. Keep an eye on school registration forms, emergency contact forms, extra curricular registration forms, anything that would ask for kid's last name and name of father. I bet she's gonna try doing a back door adoption by getting everyone in her area to call the kid by hubby's name and letting them assume hubby is dad.

donna