Need Advice on Divorce

[slamjim45b]

ok

[Fatheroffour]

Too much, too fast as the famous Mr. Simpson says.

I believe the new chemistry with new squeeze is clouding your judgement. I've no doubt that you are happier than you have been in years and I'm happy for you. I know the feeling. It doesn't change the fact that if complicates the situation immensely as you struggle with yourself over the course you have taken.

[Bubba Seal]

Dump the GF til you get your divorce resolved, I know its not that easy, and I made that mistake myself, in the end it just extended the length of my divorce and clouded my judgement on some major issues, KIDS< KIDS>KIDS

You are playing with dynamite here, get one thing resolved at a time, if you get your divroce done, then go after this chick, Im sure she will wait on you, you two can be each others rebound relationship!

I would suggest that you cut your post down, you sound almost like a NJ the way you post, just ask short and sweet questions that you need answered, read the list on here, youve already moved out, dumb dumb dumb mistake

Good Luck

[BartSimpson]

Back that truckload of failure up and dump it all right here.

You're little Cupcake isn't all that and a bag of chips. Since you have only been with one woman in your life, you likely are unaware of what all the other modern women are like . . . they're pretty much all alike. Pretty much just like your wifey.

Newsflash: Your little Cupcake isn't going to be like this in 6 months - and in an instant, she can kick you to the curb. She has her game on now, you serve her purpose as a distraction from her divorce and a source of attention. But soon she will start to reveal her true self - the person her husband knows but you do not - you will get to know the real modern woman soon. If you are there in 6 months, you will be whipped, it will be by her rules.

Except when you fight with Cupcake, she's going to call the cops and you are going to jail. They teach that to modern women in divorce school, and you can that OJ Simpson (no relation) for the jail part.

When you take such a grandiose and ambitious risk (leaving your marriage and jumping immediately into another intense relationship), failure seems distant. When Cupcake turns alien on you, the first though in you head will be "I've risked too much for this to fail". You'll stick it out (just like you did with wifey at 21), you will not do the right thing and leave - another rinse and repeat from dating your wife at 21.

Let's be honest. Your wife's panic disorder was very treatable, even 20 years ago Doctors had viable medication that fixed it. I find it interesting that you give your wife's condition a fancy name (agoraphobia) and yet you suffer from the same issue and call it "stress-related chest pains". That is an indication of how self-serving your midset is right now. Blaming your introverted lifestyle on you wife's panic-disorder is an excuse. You lived where you were comfortable, too.

Professional Counseling for yourself. You might want to investigate some in-patient retreat-like intense therapy to get the reality of your circumstances. Look into the Borderline Personality Disorder stuff and see how it applies to you, not your wife.

By the way, Cupcake's husband was here just the other day - and had some choice words to say about all this. Read the forum and see if you can find him!

[BartSimpson]

Deleting your post was rude, sir.

The guys who disappear the fastest here are the ones told that the new woman isn't a good idea.

Don't rush out the door. Please visit the C&C Giftshop on your way out, where they have a wonderful selection of podcasts and articles for free, and some decent Dad-friendly lawyers on display.

[slamjim45b]

Deleting your post was rude, sir.

The guys who disappear the fastest here are the ones told that the new woman isn't a good idea.

Don't rush out the door. Please visit the C&C Giftshop on your way out, where they have a wonderful selection of podcasts and articles for free, and some decent Dad-friendly lawyers on display.

No, you freaked me out with your final line in your post. Can what I wrote be used against me with my wife since he knows her? I was fine with your opinions on everything and appreciate any comments. Looked around and could not find any posts so far relating to my story. A hint as to which section it would be in?

[BartSimpson]

I'm so sorry.

It was a generalized statement meaning to get you to read all the other experiences - Dad's come here daily, in the midst of a divorce, with their issues about the other man. We have a thread going right now were a fellow is making a huge issue of his ex-wife's boyfriend based on innuendo, gossip and rumor. Yesterday, another poster was demanding the Drivers License Number of his ex-wife's boyfriend to make sure he wasn't a molester.

You are generally safe here as far as posting (assuming you understand basic internet things) - but you going to find out that we are really focused on keeping you in your kids lives.

That's why I suggest Cupcake is a part of the problem, not a solution to your issues.

[jumbledone]

^^ Dude, slamjim, never seen the brat so contrite before. First time for everything.

Yes, they're right. We often hear others lament Mr Wonderful, when in actuality, the position to take at that point is super-aggressive for dads to try to resolve, while the NJ and MW are still in the infatuation stage. Same thing can be said for those with Ms Wonderful, expect the pain inflicted to be harder in the long run, even if you are blinded to it early on (like now, with you high on endorphins). You are not at the top of your game when you need to be. So even if you do keep it up with Ms Wonderful (no pun intended), make sure you are not losing your edge. You need to be THE MAN for your kids, not anyone else at this point.

[slamjim45b]

Whoops, I feel stupid, sorry. I was so freaked I panic edited.

OK, let me drop some of the other stuff and ask some clear questions then:

I'm in New Jersey. My history with my two kids is solid: I work at home and saw them all day save for my son's time at school. I made him breakfast, took him to school. Picked him up and took his out after school for some fun. At night I'd play with him and my daughter, split homework and read to him before bed. I've taken him to all his sport and recreation activities, never missed a school event, was at all family functions, shopped for them, etc. Never hit them, rarely yell unless needed. In short, I've been a solid parent involved everyday in every aspect of their lives. My wife breast feed so she dealt with them more as babies but I did my part. For me I feel I should have 50/50. My wife has said she would not do anything to ruin my relationship with the kids. Since leaving I am only a few minutes away and see them all the time. Still take my son to school everyday. He is sleeping over tonight. We have been doing everything without an agreement. But...her first response to the child custody was that the kids should be in one home during the school year for stability and said I should get them on Wednesday from 3-7 and every other weekend "just like all other dads in a divorce". She flipped when I said I want far more than that during the week and every other week in the summer. My wish list is M (3-7), W (3-7), then Fri 3 straight through to Monday morning at 8:30 so I can do one day of getting him ready for school. I'll return my pre-school age daughter that morning. Next week would just be T (3-7) and Th (3-7). Every other week in summer, split the holidays.

Based on my stay at home status, closeness to the kids, no problems with abuse, drugs, alcohol, etc. do I have a good argument? I'm worried about what one poster said about leaving the home but the situation was so volatile it was best for the kids I thought.

[jumbledone]

She is not looking out for your relationship, then.

We have small children. We just hammered out a 5-2-2-5 agreement.

One of us will have them Mon, Tues, the other Weds, Thurs, with alternating weekends.

Week 1:
Mon - Parent 1
Tues - Parent 1

Weds - Parent 2
Thurs - Parent 2

Friday - Parent 1
Saturday - Parent 1
Sunday - Parent 1

Week 2:
Mon - Parent 1
Tues - Parent 1

Weds - Parent 2
Thurs - Parent 2

Friday - Parent 2
Saturday - Parent 2
Sunday - Parent 2

In fact, it is most likely harmful for kids to spend a week away from a parent at a time, which would happen every other week with only Wednesdays. You were willing to settle for one step away from EOW screw-job with two nights a week only from 3-7. Don't. She doesn't control the kids, or get to make the final determination on what happens with them. But once she sees your new ballz, expect hardball for a while.

Edited to clarify that these are the NIGHTs the kids will be spending with each parent.