Talk me out of abandoning my kids

[Hated]

Yes, new here... flame away...you cant possible be any worse than the last 2 years.

I have a unique situation in that I amdoing well in terms of < parenting time > but I am about to get screwed financially and personally.

I dragged my ex into mediation with a court approved evaluator and when she finally filed, I used his reccomendation in my papers. The Judge told us not to waste money on attorneys, said we were headed to a 50/50 custody. We returned to mediation.

Things got worse and worse and now she is going after me financially. This is to be expected i suppose and but for the fact that we spent a year negotiating the terms under which I wold have children with her, fair enough.

I got her to swear that she would not hold me financially responsible if everythign went to hell. I even had her sign a short agreement to that effect (yes I know its superceded by CA state law). There was no way to make it legally binding like say a pre-nup, but I believed her to be someone of integrity and keep her word.

She makes good money and has unlimited help from her family. She also has a ton of cash in the bank. My business failed during this whole nightmare so I have nothing and looked after the kids while she worked for the first year.

I am just now starting to be able to concentrate in building my buisness back up. She is not interested in my money, she just wants me to cpontrol me or have me default and then enjoy tearing my life apart piece by piece as the legal machine goes to work on a "deadbeat dad".

I am sure she will not miss the opportunity to further villify me with everyone we know and when the kids are old enought to understand them too.

I have a great relationship with my 2yo and 3yo boys, but I think this hearing is the cuban misslie crisis of this relationship. I value my freedom too much to have it f*#k$d with by this angry b$t&h.

I have been told that the children will resent me and that she will tell them I abandoned them. Since she was raised without a father there is a small chance that she will not want her kids to endure that pain, but the mediator says she probably will just go on.

It is a gut wrenching choice I am facing, but knowing me, I cannot submit to being ground into the dirt year after year, forced to give up all my business dreams and get some job to pay her a pittance she doesnt care about anyway, live in some crappy apartment and be unable to provide anything for my kids.

The obvious victims here are the kids. At their tender age they will be devastated. Isee them every day for hours and have them overnight twice a week.

As I am sure you all know, going through this process makes you toxic to other people so I really dont have any friends I can share these thoughts with. Now its down to a bunch of strangers on a public forum. So lets hear it.

[Fatheroffour]

You didn't explain why you are thinking about abandoning your kids.

Are you going to kill yourself?

[dadmisseskids]

Yes, new here... flame away

There's nothing in your post that's abnormal. It's just venting.

[Hated]

no, nothign like that. Just a fresh start, perhaps another country

I cannot submit to being ground into the dirt year after year, forced to give up all my business dreams and get some job to pay her a pittance she doesnt care about anyway, live in some crappy apartment and be unable to provide anything for my kids.

tearing my life apart piece by piece as the legal machine goes to work on a "deadbeat dad".

[Fatheroffour]

What shlthole would you flee to?

2 and 3 are such great ages. It even gets better at 4, 5 and 6.

Why not hang on for a decade or so to watch them grow up and be dad for a while before taking off?

[dadmisseskids]

Just a fresh start, perhaps another country

And your kids? You do realize that you are taking out your hatred for your wife on your kids, right?

[justlarry]

I will not knock you.

I will tell you that my Dad joined the Navy in WWII. Sailed back and forth across the Atlantic more than a dozen times in convoys where 25-50% of the convoy did not make it to the destination. Blown up! Sunk! Why?? To make a better life/world for his kids.

Now did I do anything close to that? Hell NO. After getting slapped with a divorce did I put all my lifes dreams and ambitions on hold to make the best life possible for my kids. Yes.

Guess what? You will too. Because you know that no matter how much life kind of knocks you down you get back up and make life as best as you can for your kids. Did I say great, no. Did I say as nice as when they were born, no. You make today as best as you can make it today and you make tomorrow as nice as you can make it tomorrow. Just like my old man could not abandon ship when Uboats were coming up from the bottom and Messershcmitts were coming out of the sky, we don't abamdon ship on our kids because it is our job.

[Texasdad2]

How about......You are not alone my friend....

[Hated]

You do realize that you are taking out your hatred for your wife on your kids, right?

Its not really like that. I am way past hating her now. She is just a lying, manipulative vindictive, viscious person. I am tired of being drawn into that. Its BS. I want to put my attention back on creating my business and having fun. How am I going to do that when I have a financial boat anchor around my neck?

Its not like I should have seen this coming and now its too late. i spent A YEAR negotiating an agreement with her, and now she has broken it just to torture me. I fell like I did my best. I have beenthru hell for the last 2 years "hanging in there".

Perhaps after a year or two she will rethink he desire to make my like miserable whenher kids have no father, just like her.

[dadmisseskids]

Perhaps after a year or two she will rethink he desire to make my like miserable whenher kids have no father, just like her.

How will your kids feel after a year or two when they have no father?