STBXW mad after mediation because

[dadmisseskids]

I tend to think it's being brilliantly cautious.

Brilliant? Far from it. If it was brilliant it would have banned any and all contact between your kids and these child predators. At a minimum, these child predators can still have contact with your kids but not sleep over and your ex has still complied with the order. Not much you can do with this clause as it's written.

Good luck with that.

[Fatheroffour]

Why not ban the children from having contact with anyone with a criminal record?

Who could possibly argue with that?

[MrBrightside]

Love the sarcasm. But in all seriousness I'm not asking to see if they received a parking ticket or didn't pay their taxes.
1. Kids sleep over in the same home of someone has a child molestation, child abuse, etc. record? As a father, I would definitely not allow it. And if you don't see an issue with it, you need some Parenting 101, some common sense, and a swift kick in the < edited >.

[defaultuser]

Have your kids ever slept over at a friends house?

Did you do a background check on their parents and ask if there were any other adults staying there so you may check them out as well?

I think the general consensus is pretty clear. We as parents do the best to vet people our children spend time around. When they are with the X, you have the choice of either trusting her to do as good a job as you would to vet people, or check them out yourself.

An obvious concern is someone who will have a longer term relationship with the kids such as a BF. Its pretty easy to check them out without even telling the X about it. BTW, pedophiles often seek out relationships with single moms. There is a concern there, but you're divorced now and you have to learn that you can't control what goes on with your kids when you're not there.

[MrBrightside]

Have your kids ever slept over at a friends house?

Did you do a background check on their parents and ask if there were any other adults staying there so you may check them out as well?

I think the general consensus is pretty clear. We as parents do the best to vet people our children spend time around. When they are with the X, you have the choice of either trusting her to do as good a job as you would to vet people, or check them out yourself.

An obvious concern is someone who will have a longer term relationship with the kids such as a BF. Its pretty easy to check them out without even telling the X about it. BTW, pedophiles often seek out relationships with single moms. There is a concern there, but you're divorced now and you have to learn that you can't control what goes on with your kids when you're not there.

There's a difference between a parent I know and a parent I don't know. If the x's BF is questionable, I think it's fair to ask those questions. The thing is, she lives in another state. I have no idea who she is dating (longterm for example)unless I were to ask.
She hasn't been honest nor has she told me about the kids spending the night over at the BFs house. This occured before I even filed. The issue started with my concern on what message it sends my kids when they sleep over mommy's friend's house before there was even a mention of divorce. Now the bigger concern is if the friend has a shady history. There are many things I can't control in my kids' lives, however this is a clause that does allow me to have knowledge of a possible shady past. I'm afraid we disagree with this one.

[defaultuser]

I think the only disagreement is that your X owes you an explanation of this guy. I think you should fully check him out and find out if there is anything in his past that would get a court to order that she not have him around your kids. If there is, file a motion and ask the court to put a stop to him being around your kids.

Then, hire a PI to camp out 24/7 when the kids aren't with you and file contempt motions when she violates the order and then have the judge tell her, "don't do that again". The process will only cost several tens of thousands of dollars and won't produce any results unless she continually violates the order after several contempt hearings and you eventually get her on supervised < parenting time > with the kids.

Good luck on changing a NJ's behavior. Some things you can't control.

[Fatheroffour]

OP is still in the theoretical speculation phase and has yet to grasp the concept of practical application.

[MrBrightside]

Of course it's speculation. Just like it was speculation that your Ex-wife was a NJ, but you didn't realize that until it was too late, got divorced and was probably taken to the cleaners which became a practical application due to the deduction from your weekly paycheck.
Nothing is guaranteed in life, but if something can be set in ink which may protect my kids, it may make the EX think twice about having their kids sleep over a new love's home.

[Fatheroffour]

I wouldn't doubt that the OP intends to live the life of a monk from now on but for most of us here, by what date do you normally ask the lady you are going out with for her drivers license number? Personally, I've never asked for one. I've never known the DL number of any woman I've ever been with. Some chick ask me for mine and I would think she was crazy. I imagine most people, men or women , would feel the same because I've never even heard of anyone in real life having to do this sort of thing except here on there forums by dads terrified by the boogie man and get a false sense of security that they are somehow protecting their children. It's the TSA of parenting plan clauses.

Now you're reduced to asking your date for their ID just so your ex will have to do the same.

Ridiculous.

Am I living in a bubble or are there guys out there that will tell me they're checking their dates drivers license and running background checks?

[MrBrightside]

Some of us may be blessed that our EX makes sound choices in their lives and is completely stable 100%. On the other hand, some of us may have ex-wives who make very questionable or terrible choices. They may be mentally unstable or naive.
Some of us can live in that fantasy land bubble that they're so self-righteous and arrogant that they can make fun of someone who has a legitimate concern for their kids. Try convincing that to someone whose kid was molested or abused and it turns out the person they trusted had a history.
You're acting like everyone needs to be carded on the first date. If you mean you're having one-night stands with every women or man you meet while you're children (or theirs) are in the same home, then I completely understand why you're questioning this.
But I digress. I still continue to wait for some advice on other ways to make sure that if my kids are sleeping in someone else's house that they don't have a shady history regarding children.