Teenagers want to stay at home with mom

[Mindo]

My ex and I agreed to take turns on having the kids every other week. I.E. one week with me and one week with her. Friday to Friday. My teeangers are 17 yr old boy (graduating this year) and a 15 yr old girl in grade 10. The kids enjoyed it for a few months and now they dont. They would prefer to stay at there house (the house I bought and left for her and the kids). The kids would prefer to stay mostly at there house and come over when they feel like it and on there terms. Im ok with that but moms not. She has a boyfreind who has been quite clear that he wants nothing to do with our kids. When the kids are with me she takes off to his house for the week. on a side note my ex and I live in the same town. I feel that if the kids are forced out of there home on mothers terms they will resent her. And resent me for forceing them to stay with me. My kids and I have a excellent relationship and would live with me full time if they could however my current living arrangments and comfortable for them. My parents live in the same house but in the basement suite. I do have two seperate rooms for them but hter stuff and pets are at home. Is anyone in the same boat or has been and what are your thoughts and/or suggestions.

[Fatheroffour]

My thought is that you'll have to let mom own her relationship with the kids and you be there to pick up the pieces. If she isn't going to put them in front of her new guy there isn't much you can do to save them from the truth.

[Mindo]

Thanks father of four. My mian issue is how do I convience my ex that the kids need to decide when to come over on ther terms and not hers. Im ok with what the kids want. They want to come over when they want to. a few days a month.

[Trevor]

1. Your oldest can probably make his own decisions, at least the judge won't find either of you in contempt if he doesn't abide by the court orders. Your daughter is probably there too, but they would be left alone at the home if things remain and they just do what they want. Kind of a big decision for minors to make, but courts don't tend to like ruling against the feet of a teenager.

2. Tread carefully on the x's bf hating the kids, that will blow onto the kids, and maybe on you as well, if you handle it poorly. Be a great Dad, set boundaries, and don't trash talk about the schmuck.

3. Whether your kids resent their mother for her choices and behaviors is none of your business and way outside your sphere of influence. Quit worrying about stuf that's NoYFB.

4. You are not "forcing" them to stay with you, court orders grant each parent time, and it is your responsibility to live up to your moral and your legal obligations. Do they understand what can happen if you fail in these responsibilities? [Rhet.]

5. Is the fact that your parents live in the basement the reason for their discomfort there? Is that living arangement likely to remain?

6. Why is it okay to only see your kids a few times per month? Why is so little sufficient?