Change from sole to 50/50 custody for teenager

[lohe]

Fleetwood I was married to a violent, controlling bpd woman for 5 miserable years. I know how you feel. I wish I didn't..

You are doing the right thing in standing up to her.

Stand firm. There is no reason why you should not have equal parenting time with your child/ren.

[fleetwood1]

Just an update: I am filing a motion and affidavit with the courts. Wish me luck.

[lohe]

Good luck! Remember, expect her to act like she's always acted..

[Patrick Price]

Worst case seniro and you dont get to see son more, your son will never forget what she did and the relationship will be worse off with mother after he is 18 anyway. Kids dont forget at that age.

[fleetwood1]

Well she got served her papers. She told my son that she will have to sell the house. I knew this would happen, she is trying to guilt him into changing his mind. How sad is that. She still gets child support in a joint custody arrangement. Sure she is not telling them that. She also has my college daughter involved and she is cold to me now.

Just what I expected. Her normal manipulation of the kids. How about she put her son's best interest and needs first.

Just venting. I know it will not be easy.

[minuette]

The collateral damage of allowing her to run the show unchallenged, both during and after the marriage, is tragic but foreseeable. I hope you prevail in your motion, it seems like your son could really use a hefty dose of DAD going forward.

As far as your daughter goes, I hope she comes around to see that YOU are acting in the best interests of her brother, but even if she doesn't, keep in contact with her and let her know that you love her and are always available to talk through things that are bothering her. Unfortunately, right now she's probably been poisoned by her mother accusing you of doing this for the money (projection!). This may change depending on your ex's actions if/when you prevail.

Something tells me that your ex will find a way to keep her home, if she wants the home more than she wants to nail herself to the cross and play martyr. Playing martyr is only fun when you get to act like you are suffering but don't actually have to suffer.

[lohe]

I have never ONCE brought up anything related to the ex and our divorce.

What I have done, probably about a dozen or more times, is straighten the kids out when she lies to them.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with sitting down with your daughter and having a heart to heart about this once your ex has decided to fill her head with lies. She deserves to know the truth, in my opinion.

[fleetwood1]

Thanks for the support. You have said just the right things. I am not going to give up and will do what I can to bring happiness for my son.

[fleetwood1]

My custody motion hearing is in a couple of weeks. I know my attorney will be explaining what will happen at the first hearing, but I was wondering about other member's experiences. For example, will my attorney be doing most of the talking? Any other comments would be appreciated.

[WifeVersion2.0]

I can tell you how my husband's case went.

His 14 yr old daughter wanted to come live with us last summer, he tried working it out with his ex outside of court but she wouldn't agree and wouldn't even discuss it. He obtained a lawyer and filed a motion to modify custody. Mom was Pro Se because she never thought a Judge would "take a child from their mother" and insisted that a child couldn't make that decision. She laid all kinds of guilt trips on the kiddo.

The first hearing, after approaching the bench, his lawyer explained to the Judge why they were there (because D14 wanted to live with dad) then the Judge asked mom and dad both a few questions about the kids (how they do in school, how old they are, what they are involved in) and about the current living arrangements in each household.
Mom = Single, stay-at-home mom, 3 kids (D14 and S12 with my husband) and a toddler with another dude who didn't stick around.
Dad = Working dad, remarried (working wife), 2 kids + 2 step kids

Judge asked dad when daughter first asked to live with him and what reasons daughter wanted to live with him. Reasons included a calmer enviornment to do homework, internet access for school work/projects, and dependability/routine at dad's home. Husband mentioned she had asked a few times over a couple of months time and that he had tried to discuss it with the ex to no avail.

Then she asked mom if the daughter had told her she wanted to live with dad. Mom told the Judge yes that she had mentioned it. Judge asked her what reasons daughter gave and mom stated the same reasons as dad listed but also stated that she thought daughter just didn't want the responsability that came with being an older sibling and that she had plans to get internet the next day.

Then Judge asked mom why she wouldn't agree to daughter moving and mom stated because she's always been the primary parent and that she didn't want daughter to change schools and she didn't want to split up the siblings. (Son12 doesn't want to switch).

Judge asked Husband what kind of plan he was proposing and he submitted to her the same thing he had submitted to his ex before taking it to court. Judge looked it over and agreed that it was fair and in the best interest of the children. Then she spent several minutes explaining to mom the importance of allowing children at that age to make decisions for themselves even if it isn't always what the parent wants. Basically told her to stop being selfish and allow her daughter the opportunity to experience living with her dad and going to different school district.

Motion was granted and Judge instructed husband's lawyer to write up the new order and file it with the court. There was some more hashing out/negotiating on pick-up times but the order went into effect that day. D14 moved up here a week later (after the grading period ended). They were ordered back 2 months later for a status conference (in front of the same judge to see how things were going and how the kid was doing) at that time it was entered into a permanant order.

So, it was a happy ending here. Good luck to you, sounds like your boy could use some stability too!