Gotta whine a bit... and would you hire this lawyer?

[RC211V]

Some days I feel like a piece of sch1t and wonder how I took some of the turns to get where I’m at. The reality that I’m a slave to the stupidest person I know is baffling and almost too much to handle, and the limits I have on my parenthood – which are set right now mostly by that same stupidest person – are infuriating. I want to just < edited > about it and see if anybody knows what I’m talking about, and if you’ve made it through. I know many on here have, so I want to come here, but I also feel like a girl for wanting to ‘vent’ to other men. Chicks do that! … It is so conflicting sometimes.

I had a lawyer who didn’t seem to take my goals seriously, and didn’t get done what was promised to be accomplished, so the lawyer is gone. I have lots of precedent for drastically increased custody and I’ve been planning to go to trial pro per, but as the time approaches, I am becoming more and more concerned that I won’t present my evidence well and all my work will be discounted on a legal technicality, basically. That scares me, so I want to hire a lawyer, but I can’t afford it. Dread borrowing money from people, but for my kids I would do it…

The lawyer I’m thinking about told me he doesn’t think joint custody is good - he thinks kids should stay with their mom in a primary custody arrangement - but that he would help me work towards 50/50, and my judge is good for awarding it. He seemed cool, but I don’t know if I should trust somebody who doesn’t believe in the fight. Would you hire a guy like that?

[Trevor]

The lawyer I’m thinking about told me he doesn’t think joint custody is good - he thinks kids should stay with their mom in a primary custody arrangement

WTF would you hire an idiot like this? Would you hire a surgeon who didn't think anaesthesia was good but would help you get part of the way there?

[RC211V]

Haha, yeah, that's what I'm thinking. That's why I didn't hire him the first time, but the lawyer I hired sucked, so now I'm looking again.

Nobody else I talked to is worth a damn. I'm in Los Angeles man, I should be able to find more lawyers to talk to than I can count! So I thought... not sure where to look, but I will look again and more...

Any CA guys have a reference of any kind?

[Fatheroffour]

I'd hire Satan if it got the job done.

ETA; the question is whether he is a good attorney and that will present your evidence in the most advantageous way he knows how. His personal opinion on custody isn't really the issue.

I'm betting most good defense attorneys believe murderers should go to prison.

[RC211V]

Yeah, I don't care about the fact that he feels that way, I just wonder if I can trust him to really do the best job because of it. He also had a problem with his license in the past, and I'm not sure if that is a sign I should pay attention to...

I should clarify that it wasn't THE reason I didn't hire him, but those were two reasons I doubted him. The one I hired seemed really good and I didn't see any red flags, so I went for it. But I was wrong.

[Fatheroffour]

Does seem odd that he would feel compelled to tell you his personal beliefs while interviewing him for the job.

"I don't like baseball but I'm a great pitcher and would like to start for your team."

Sorry, no practical help. Just theoretical. Hiring an attorney is like a box of chocolates......

[Trevor]

I'm betting most good defense attorneys believe murderers should go to prison.

I see this in an entirely different way. If you are asking a lawyer to pursue your interests, and he doesn't believe fundamentally in the principles behind your goals, i.e., that the child deserves equal time with two fit parents, but believes instead in a nineteenth-century stereotype of the gender roles in parenting, then he's not gonna be as engaged in your case as your kids deserve him to be. Using the murderer analogy, there is a world of difference between someone who believes in and is fighting for your innocence and one who is trying to get your likely sentence reduced so he can move on to the next thug.

[RC211V]

Help me out and answer my whining part... tell me if my points for being a 50/50 parent are good -

- Have taken every available opportunity to have kids more than 21% in temp orders during last year, which has been 43% of overnights (to my knowledge in CA overnights are the critical factor)

- Active at schools with kids - volunteer for fund raisers, PTA member, never missed an open house/parent night/school performance, familiar and friendly with teachers, principal, kids' friends and other parents.

- I've been the one to take kids to dentist and doctor multiple times in the last year (not positive but I think I've taken them to every one).

- I have completed most necessary documents for school, handled enrollment for kid in kindergarten, got medical/dental relase forms and field trip forms completed, etc.

- Have complete home for both kids with their own beds, complete wardrobe and toys. If their other home disappeared there would be no scrambling for anything to care for them.

- At time of separation I lived 20 miles away, but now live in school district, 1 mile from school both kids will be going to next year.

- Work schedule has been adjust so I get off earlier and have more time to be with them Mon-Thur.

I think maybe a weakness could be that I don't do alot to foster a good relationship with their mom. I don't stop it or alienate, but maybe I could more proactive.

[Thermite]

I like the track you're on. You may already have this covered, but when I read your post, I immediately started thinking about how you'd prove all this. You need evidence that you can physically hand to the judge and opposing counsel. Here's some ideas/tips:

- Have taken every available opportunity to have kids more than 21% in temp orders during last year, which has been 43% of overnights (to my knowledge in CA overnights are the critical factor)
What are you using to track your overnights? A calendar? Journal? Whatever, I think this would be the perfect place for a big colorful pie chart to that shows how much more time you've actually spent with the kids vs. what you were granted in the temp orders. Maybe frame your argument that you jump at every chance to see them, even if it means changing your schedule or dropping plans. If you are at all out war with your ex, go ahead and point out how often she gave up her time with them.

- Active at schools with kids - volunteer for fund raisers, PTA member, never missed an open house/parent night/school performance, familiar and friendly with teachers, principal, kids' friends and other parents.
Do you still have any papers that they handed out at these meetings, that would prove you were there? Any pictures of you & kiddo with the teacher on field trips? Any notes thanking you for helping with the classroom party, etc?

- I've been the one to take kids to dentist and doctor multiple times in the last year (not positive but I think I've taken them to every one).
Can you run a report through your insurance website that would list all their appointments? Have any papers/reciepts for prescriptions and things that they only give out in person?

- I have completed most necessary documents for school, handled enrollment for kid in kindergarten, got medical/dental relase forms and field trip forms completed, etc.
Is your handwriting significantly different from your STBX's? Do you have copies of those forms?

- Have complete home for both kids with their own beds, complete wardrobe and toys. If their other home disappeared there would be no scrambling for anything to care for them.
Get pictures of their rooms, play areas, toys, artwork on the fridge, sidewalk chalk colored all over the porch, or basically anything that shows what a kid-friendly home you have. My lawyer came to visit my home & was impressed, and recommended this to me. I printed multiple pictures on regular paper to get the point across without unnecessary paperwork.

http://www.dadsdivorce.com/father_divorce_forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=39880&hilit=primary+questions You can check this out for more ideas.

[RC211V]

What kind of evidence I would need is one of the big things I'm worried about, and when I asked my lawyer, she just said I'm doing all I can do and quite obsessing about it; the judge is going to decide and there's nothing more I can do. That was the thing that pretty much made me give up on her.

So I am still working on good proof/evidence that is presentable in court. Thanks for the tips and info.