2x4s needed

[jumbledone]

As this thing continues to wind its way through, and I know she is continuing to see Mr. Wonderful, I get angry at what she is about to put our kids through.

I sooooo want to confront her to let her know I know she's a 2x 2-timing (insert your term here). But I know that would be self-destructive to myself in the long run.

So, for those of you who are going through this, or have gone through this, how did you keep from confronting her while the proceedings were on-going? Yeah, I spend lots of time with the kids (more than she does), coach, have taken a vacation with them, planning a fantastic get-away off the mainland for later, etc. But when I realize I won't get to spend such unimpeded time with them, all because she couldn't/wouldn't try to work things out rather than going after her next 'prize', and knowing how hurt it will make the kids, I get sad and mad, and just want to let it all fly at her (in a non-provocative, non-physical way, of course).

I hate this whole thing.

[TXex's]

I have been there... In that same exact place. It isn't a good place to be but you NEED to get over it and pull through. If I remember correctly from one of your other threads I mentioned that where you are (if you are at all like me) it may be helpful to:

1) See a councilor to talk things through. Just having someone that will listen some times and reality check what you have going through your head can be very helpful.

2) Talk to your doctor about the level of stress you are dealing with and see if perhaps there may be a medication that can help you along for a couple months.

Finally, look at the quote in my signature. Realize that you are the stability that your children need and you need to be stable for them. Remember when you negotiate with her (or through your lawyers) that your number one goal needs to be maximizing your time with the kids (pushing for 50/50).

[defaultuser]

Know that the feeling will pass, focus on the kids and yourself.

If you want, write her a nasty letter and tell her exactly how you feel, just don't send it. You can even post it here for all to read if you want. Sometimes that helps, and its entertainment for us.

[RC211V]

Hey, I'm going to do that... I got a lot of sh1z I need to get out right now...

[Chris A]

I did the confrontation fight thing and didn't get much out of it. Turned it around to my fault. Ativan can help keep your cool but a good plan works the best.

[Fatheroffour]

[jumbledone]

DU, I might just do the letter thingamajiggy. It would be awfully cathartic. Maybe Trevor or FoF could even sticky a Dear Cheating Ho thread somewhere! I should get back to the counselor I see, just to have a vent session.

FoF - always quick with the icanhazcheezburger demotivational images. BTW- when is candy striper coming back? I take it you're an a55 man by leaving this avatar up for so long, but I miss candy striper, even though I felt guilty reading the forums at work, and quickly moved so others wouldn't see it!

As for the original post, I feel all alone on this. I understand mentally that others have gone through or are going through the same thing. But emotionally that doesn't help or soothe the feelings.

Thanks for letting me vent in a non-manly way. Now time to go out and crush beer cans on my forehead to reclaim my ManCard.

[Trevor]

Wriring everything in a letter and then deleting it can be therapeutic as well. It can help you (if you are so inclined) to dig out some of the emotion hiding in dark little corners in your head and shine the light on them a while. This can be a good thing. ust be sure you don't have her email address in the To: field, or have the letter somewhere it can be discovered.

[Here_We_Go]

My NJ is cheating and she doesn't think i know too. It is hard to keep the secret, especially when she wonders why i don't want to bump uglys. I really have to bite my tongue then and say my stomach is upset or something. My life is a surreal torture right now. the one person i was supposed to trust is not here anymore. she is different, I am different for knowing. But someday it will be over and you will not have to deal with living the lie. I just look forward to that, forget about her indiscretions, or getting even through telling her what a bad person she has become. Do not let any feeling related to her dictate how you feel. I have to remind myself that what i am feeling right now I will not feel in the future, it will be over.

You know in that movie Apocalypse Now Robert Duval says "You know one day this war gonna end" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPXVGQnJm0w

[jumbledone]

It's not so much me, but that she lies to me straight-faced, that the kids are the most important thing to her.

1. No fight over 50/50, plus I watch them way more often than she does, more weekends right now. When we finally get out of the house we're in, I am going to really miss them when I don't have them. But I suspect that I will have them more than 50% of the time.

2. If she truly cared about the kids, she would have done everything in her power to rectify the issues between us, rather than throwing her hands up and saying 'I'm done', searching out someone else, and essentially giving up on the kids.

My heart breaks that because of her selfishness, I will not be able to see them wake up every morning, or tuck them in every night. And I don't understand that she doesn't have that same heartbreak over it that I do: She is fine with it, at least that is what she projects. How can you be fine with it, unless you truly don't care too much?