NJ wants extra April < parenting time >

[Keysdaddy]

I am still awaiting for the Judge to rule on my final trial that was in February.

NJ chose not to exercise her < parenting time > for the month of March. Now that April is approaching, the Temp Order that has been in effect since last June is still in effect until it is superceded by the final decree.

TO states that NJ can pick up FRI/SAT and drop off SAT/SUN for a total of 13 overnights. NJ wants to pickup D3 next FRI. I objected stating that the previous times that I tried to be reasonable, she refused to return D3 on time. I'm sticking to the TO.

NJ states that either I can drop off FRI at 8pm or she will pick D3 up from daycare. Or my third option is to drop her off at 12:01 am on Sat. I think that using a reasonablness standard, it would be unreasonable to drop D3 off at 12:01. As well, every day or "overnight" with my daughter is my time. She has the option to have a third party to p/u and d/o if she has work. Thoughts?

[defaultuser]

I think you better follow your temporary orders to the letter until you get the final decree.

[Thoughts?]

Refuse her unusual demands including the midnight hand-off, with a polite reply that basically says "huh?"

Then offer her a simple counter that makes you look the reasonable one.

Reason being is you have a ruling pending. You don't want to look like a total dick. But if you, say, "Hi, I certainly understand that you want some time with child X on Easter weekend....but insisting on a midnight return is very unusual since I offered you time in the past....but in the spirit of compromise and to avoid complex, you can pick her up for Easter dinner at 3pm Sunday, and I will pick her up after school Monday."

Or something like that.

That she refused her March time is in your favor....that she's coming off like a witch is in your favor....come off like the one who's reasonable & doesn't want to stick the kid in the middle or not be compromising.

Don't go too far....just make the reasonable counter....if she starts going nuts over it, then just say no and go radio silent.

[spritom]

I objected stating that the previous times that I tried to be reasonable, she refused to return D3 on time. I'm sticking to the TO.

The current court orders = A
NJ is asking = B
If you feel for any reason that B is not going to work then simply tell NJ:

No thanks, it won't work out this time. <------ Note the period.

Stop talking theory with NJ (such as why you don't like something). Just do the business steps and provide her with your answer.

NJ states that either I can drop off FRI at 8pm or she will pick D3 up from daycare. Or my third option is to drop her off at 12:01 am on Sat.

There's also the 4th option of her not breaking the court order. But that's completely up to her.

Agreed on the idea that the 12:01am things is pretty blatantly not in the best interest of the child.

Something like:

Dear NJ,
Thanks for the offer, however it won't work out this time around for Friday, April xx. As with the current court order, I'll be ready for the exchange at xx-time as usual.

Thanks again, and have a most joyous and sunny day,
Keysdaddy

Note that there is no discussion of theory. Only practical-child-related business. And also conveys that you are definitely open to the idea of an exception, but this time...darn the bad luck...it just didn't work out that way...better luck next time.



Also...there will be times in the future when perhaps an extra time with the other parent might be best, so try to be open if you see such a time.
And last...sometimes it does get difficult to try to remember to judge each exception request on its own merits as to how it might best work out for the child.

[anonymous guest]

Talking theory with the NJ was one of the hardest things for me to stop.
I finally realized that no matter the reason, NJ doesn't care.

[Keysdaddy]

After consulting with my attorney, I sent NJ an email stating if she cannot pick up d3 after 7am on Saturday consistent with the parenting plan then she will need to re schedule to a time consistent with the parenting plan.

Radio silence begins.