What are my chances

[jetstream]

The ex has custody of the kids. My daughter is a senior this year and will be going off to college in the fall. My son is a high school freshman. The ex has not remarried and works a lot so next year my son will be left home alone much of the time. Also, he is currently failing or in danger of failing most of his classes at school. Bright kid. Just doesn't care. I recieve almost no communication from the ex regrding the children. I just learned of the grade situation and am working with his teachers to help him get them up. Admittedly, I should have been doing a better job of monitoring the school situation. Shame on me for that.

I have remarried and live nearby. The new wife happens to be a teacher and she and my son get along well. He knew her from school before I had even met her. My job allows me to have 12-15 days off per month. I think my wife and I can provide a more stable home for him where he will have more parental influence and supervision. As I said, I live nearby so he will be able to remain in the same school,have the same friends, play on the same sports teams, etc.

What are my chances of being able to get a change of custody?

[Fatheroffour]

I'd say 50/50.

The courts seem to use school as a barometer for how well the kids are doing in a parents care. If the kid isn't at least passing then a change is warranted. You have a lot in favor for your side.


The biggest question i how does your son feel about it.

[jetstream]

Hard to say how he would feel about it but I think he would be ok with it once it was done. He could visit her anytime he wanted and he knows that. I don't know that he would sign a custody affidavit though. He loves his mom, I'm glad he does, and I think he would be worried about hurting her feelings by signing an affidavit.

He's already left home alone much of the time and that will only increase next year. He turns 15 next month and I think he needs more time with me. He's growing into manhood and I think he, and every boy, need a lot of time underthe leadership of a good father during this stage of life.

I also have a box full of evidence relating to various instances of his mom's not following the requirements of the divorce agreement, pertaining to the children, over the years. None of them alone really amount to much but taken together I think they would certainly help establish a pattern of behavior for her and help my case as well.

[jetstream]

I have good friends who live in the same subdivison as the ex and he spends a lot of time hanging out at their house when he is left home alone. He's so at home there now he just walks down the street into their house and goes into their kitchen and fixes himself something to eat....lol.

[Fatheroffour]

At his age it's not unthinkable that the judge looks to him for input on where he wants to be. If he isn't going to state one way or the other then .........


Why not go pick him up during all this alone time he has and help him get his school work up. If she makes a stink, ROFR is an easier modification to get than a transfer of custody, IMO.

[Trevor]

So you married one of his classmates from school? Ew. She got her teaching certification fast.

[jetstream]

Why not go pick him up during all this alone time he has and help him get his school work up. If she makes a stink, ROFR is an easier modification to get than a transfer of custody, IMO.

I do as much as possible but this is where it gets a little complicated. As I said I have a lot of days off each month but on the days I work I'm out of town. So on days when both the ex and I are working he is on his own. The ex works 9am-9pm. My wife is home every day so if he lived here there would be very few days where he is home alone fending for himself for meals, etc.

Another reason he doesn't come over sometimes is he just gets tired of having to pack a suitcase and change houses for a few days. As one who travels for a living I totally get that.

Bottom line: with the ex there will be a lot of days where he is on his own. With my wife and I there would be very few.

Also, the wife has no children so no blended family issues to deal with. And no, we aren't having any. Been snipped.

[jetstream]

So you married one of his classmates from school? Ew. She got her teaching certification fast.

Funny, but you're almost right. The new wife is 13 years younger. Good thing I'm old I guess.

[Trevor]

1. Not sure you'll get far arguing that a kid who is in high school has to "fend for himself" for meals, as long as there is a can of SpagOs in the pantry. Not arguing this is a good choice, but at his age if he can't figure out how to make a sammitch or warm up a can of soup, he needs a lot more parenting than he's getting or has gotten.

2. The suitcase thing is rubbish, and if you travel as much as you say you do, you'd smell that elevator fart quickly. I assume he'll have all necessary toiletries at your place, and throwing in a few pairs of tighty-whities and jeans is a trifling task. You could even have a few sets of clothes at your place already. Is he really THAT lazy?

[Bubba Seal]

On the clothes thing just get him a complete set at your house, my ex made stink about my daughter having to take stuff back and forth early on so I just got her clothes at my house, no more packing. Never had that kind of issue with my son, I mean come on guys dont move much between homes.

Instead of changing to more time at your house, when you have time I would suggest you work with your son on his school stuff, let the ex in on it, and explain why.

To me and this is just me, you seem to be the lazy one here cause some of this stuff is elementary, as his father and the way schools are today, cant you just look up his grades online? Ive been doing that with my kids for years.

What is the real reason you want your son to live with you? I dont get this one, sorry if Im being offensive, but just being more involved and a little more responsible for your son would go a long way, instead of just deciding he will be better with me cause hes home alone a lot.

Quite honestly, if you were to ask me at 15 if I wanted someone watching me all the time when I hadnt had that in the past, You can bet your < hindquarters > I would say no to a judge or whoever.

You just need to get more involved, Good Luck