how to stop this??

[dadtrying]

Technology is your friend. There are multiple solutions to your problem.

Like???

[Fatheroffour]

One of the most basic and obvious was suggested on the first page by defaultuser.

The overarching point is that it will be simpler and easier with a better chance of success for you to develop methods of coping with her insanity than to attempt to cure her.

You may have to eventually go to court about it but it shouldn't be your first option.

[jamessick]

Also keep in mind the high road theory. Always always always travel the high road because it helps you so much in court. Court is where it all counts and since the system is weighted toward the mother anyway, you can't give her any more advantage than she already has from bias. Have your daughter call and log the times you don't get to talk to your daughter when shes away. Build your case and take her down with a preponderance of evidence. I understand your frustration, we all do, but we as fathers have to work harder and smarter than mom. Accept it and don't let her win. Your daughter needs you, but she needs her mom too. Do what you can from your side (take the high road) and the journaling you've been doing will do the rest.

[Trevor]

...the system is weighted toward the mother...you can't give her any more advantage than she already has from bias...but we as fathers have to work harder and smarter than mom.

I have never felt more like a minority than when I was in family court. I had to live up to a different standard than my X did, both in court and with the CE, who constantly assumed her superiority in parenting and could never see their own discriminatory limiting beliefs. There was always doubt when I said something, and never any question when she spoke. There was a case in FL during reconstruction where a black guy was convicted for raping a white woman...convicted...despite the proven fact that at the time of the alleged crime, he was incarcerated. The facts just didn't matter in his case, nor did they seem to matter in mine.

[dadtrying]

Thanks guys,

I do try very very hard to take the high road. And as I am all sure your aware of it's very hard. Mark another no call back tonight.

[bm1961]

I had the same problem with my NJ. I have had full custody of my kid since they were 2,6, and 13. NJ would see them wednesday nights and EOW.
NJ would call several times a night and it was interferring with our homework and dinner. I started to set a strict schedule for my kids on school nights, the phone was taken off the hook and the tv was cut of at 6 or 6:30. We would have home work, dinner time and baths, interrupted. NJ went ballistic for a while, but she had her chance every day to call before 6. Bottom line......my house, my rules, NJ can call the kids once a night, in a 2 hr window. NJ was not denied any rights to talk to the kids, but she was denied the right in interferring with MY TIME.;

[nbdad]

Even if you have limited time with a child such as a couple hours a week, you must allow that child to call mom when requested. My D6 dosent make any request.

But the mother is.

AND you have a court order that says you have to. Legal order trumps advice from some guy on teh interwebs. Even as one as informed as FoF.

Why not just get into the habit of making the kid call her Mom before bed. Routine means approx. the same bedtime every night, which means a phone call at the same time every night.

Dial the number, hand her the phone and tell her to "say goodnight to your mother'.

That way you can safely, and legally ignore the rest of the crap. If the ex is calling/texting that much, simply call the police and ask them to request she stop harassing you.

Maybe you can leverage that into a TRO, but the big question is "is it really worth it". (hint...answer would be NO in around 98% of the cases)

If nothing else, look into Google Voice.

http://support.google.com/voice/bin/ans ... wer=115089

See, this way you can just direct ALL her crap to voice mail from the get go. Technology is a wonderful thing.

Next time you go to court, you ask for that clause to be removed, and then produce the texts and phone records as exhibit evidence as to why. All contact should be via written method (ie. email). The sole exception would be in the event of a true emergency involving the kidlet. By true emergency I mean "said kidlet is gushing blood and being rushed to Emerg, his arm is in the car behind the ambulance...NOT "Little Johnny fell and scraped his knee and has a boo boo".

[higherroad]

why the presumption that the mother or even the father "needs" to talk to the child when they are away everyday. is it really in the childs best interest? or does it make it more difficult for them to be present and happy in the place they are in.

my ex was calling my kids so much and interfering with my time that the GAL and the JUDGE forbid her or me from calling the kids when they were with the other parent. the kids were free to call if they wanted.

so presuming that a child has to talk to the other parent everyday is a bit of a leap. my ex, like many out there, would call and get them all jacked up ie. i miss you so much, heres what we are doing here now etc. it really messed with their heads.

[davidd]

Dear dadtrying. Keep trying. It sounds very controlling on the mom's part. Unless there is a legal reason you need to call the mom, I'm with higherroad and nb dad. You have options! Just try hard to take the high road. Your child needs to be protected from the drama of your divorce, and at 6 can handle a few nights away from any one of her parents. Good luck! -David

[HReed1972]

Just playing devil's advocate here...but maybe your D is just exercising the same right to not call YOU back that you allow her to not have to call her mom back? Have you talked to her about it directly?