GF 17 year old son......

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GF 17 year old son......

Postby eddied39 » Thu Mar 22, 2012 10:31 am

Okay,

Things lately with GF, her 2 boys and my 2 kids have been going really, really well. I want to think we've gotten over the "blending" phase. We'll see.

Quickly, GF and I don't get much time to get out to be with eachother. Understandable. When we have planned to do something (get ice cream, go for a drive, etc.), it comes to halt a lot of the time.

Reason: 17 year old son tells her that he's going to hang out at house with his GF. Since she won't let them stay alone (understandably so), she cancels our plans instead of saying, "no...I have plans".

Now....I saw this early on when he would tell her he was staying at house and she'd have to be there. Those times were when we didn't have plans though and now it's happening at other times.

Another example....we have plans to go to a comedy night and a fundraiser on two different nights in April. Last week, she informed him that he'd need to go elsewhere because we had plans. I thought "nice....she's telling him no". Until she finished by asking him, "Is that okay with you?". Can't tell you where it would have went had he said "No it's not".

Did I see it coming? Sure. Didn't know how to approach it frankly. On her behalf, she has expressed frustration with it.

Given she has, do I come right out and tell her to tell him "No"? Feel like that crosses the "parental line".
Do you I not even bother?
Am I making a big deal out of nothing?
Just want some thoughts.....thanks!
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Re: GF 17 year old son......

Postby Fatheroffour » Thu Mar 22, 2012 10:47 am

17?

I had issues with my last wife and wanting to take her out. She would ask her 3 yo if she wanted to stay at soandsos house. Kid said no and we didn't go out.

Caused conflict and general decline in the relationship.

Good luck.
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Re: GF 17 year old son......

Postby eddied39 » Thu Mar 22, 2012 10:55 am

Fatheroffour wrote:17?

I had issues with my last wife and wanting to take her out. She would ask her 3 yo if she wanted to stay at soandsos house. Kid said no and we didn't go out.

Caused conflict and general decline in the relationship.

Good luck.


Yep. 17.

What's also concerning not only to me but to her is, he is an honor roll student and division 1 skilled baseball player who can go anywhere yet will likely choose to stay local so he can stay at home to be with GF and mom. That just came up recently.
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Re: GF 17 year old son......

Postby BartSimpson » Thu Mar 22, 2012 10:58 am

Where is his Dad, and what does his Dad have to say about all this?
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Re: GF 17 year old son......

Postby defaultuser » Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:03 am

If you had to choose between your GF and your kids, who would you choose?

Sounds like she's made the choice of being a parent to her kid first and a GF to you second. Doesn't sound like she's being selfish, although its arguable that she should lighten up a bit and let the kid explore his girlfriend in private :)
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Re: GF 17 year old son......

Postby eddied39 » Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:16 am

BartSimpson wrote:Where is his Dad, and what does his Dad have to say about all this?


Dad is around but not a limit setter at all. Points the finger to mom to be bad guy. Wants to be seen as a "friend", hang out, watch TV/movies/youtube, play xbox with boys than be a father

defaultuser wrote:If you had to choose between your GF and your kids, who would you choose?

Sounds like she's made the choice of being a parent to her kid first and a GF to you second. Doesn't sound like she's being selfish, although its arguable that she should lighten up a bit and let the kid explore his girlfriend in private :)


I wouldn't expect her to pick me. Maybe you misunderstood. It isn't about her wanting to be with them as a parent. It's about his dictating the terms I have a concern about. Again, a parental style issue. If my son (now 14) was 17, came to me and said "I'm bringing over Julie Saturday night" and I had plans with GF, I'd tell him he needs to find other plans elsewhere instead of cancelling my plans. You can ask me but don't tell me you're doing something then expect me to be like "Ok son. Whatever you want"

Yes a little frustrated
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Re: GF 17 year old son......

Postby hoosier_dad » Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:32 am

eddied39 wrote:Dad is around but not a limit setter at all. Points the finger to mom to be bad guy. Wants to be seen as a "friend", hang out, watch TV/movies/youtube, play xbox with boys than be a father


Wow, you've got the ex-wife Dad bashing terminology down pat. I'm betting reality is a little different than GF's story.
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Re: GF 17 year old son......

Postby defaultuser » Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:44 am

My point was that your GF is willing to cancel plans of hers anytime to be a parent to her kid. You don't like that.

Yeah, its parenting style. Get used to it or dump her...
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Re: GF 17 year old son......

Postby Fatheroffour » Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:49 am

Yep.

There is a difference between kids taking a priority and kids running the show.

Priority isn't the issue here. Get used to it.

BTW: It's not like mom's presence on a Saturday night is keeping the boy from laying pipe to his GF.
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Re: GF 17 year old son......

Postby eddied39 » Thu Mar 22, 2012 12:10 pm

hoosier_dad wrote:
eddied39 wrote:Dad is around but not a limit setter at all. Points the finger to mom to be bad guy. Wants to be seen as a "friend", hang out, watch TV/movies/youtube, play xbox with boys than be a father


Wow, you've got the ex-wife Dad bashing terminology down pat. I'm betting reality is a little different than GF's story.


Uh.....no. Sorry. Dead on accurate.

Realize what I'm about to say are my parental values coming into play. when I hear dad tells 13yr old son that his expectation in school is just to get D's, tells me something about him.

GF refers to him often as D'bag. In addition, GF works until 6 M-F. Ex there daily to be with boys when they get home. She has one request. Have them do their homework before she gets home. Never happens. "I'm not dealing with it. You deal with it". Verbatim.
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