Lessons Learned - Before and During

[gotkids]

I admire a man that has desperation to rise his child alone. He's very responsible father which is truly commendable.

This site is full of them.
Trying to decide if I'm offended by this comment.

[jamessick]

Hmmm, this thread keeps saying new posts, but nothing new....annoying.

[jamessick]

Fixed as soon as I posted...weird

[stopthereavers]

I am still going through a very messy divorce. The best advice I was given, early on, was to disarm my stbx and her craziness (taking our child, TRO, removing all items from our house, etc.) by treating her as though I was courting her in the beginning of our relationship. Let your lawyer fight for you, let the judge hate your atty, but dont do anything to make the judge dislike you. Be overly nice to your stbx. This is a long psychological battle for your right to be a father to your children and have 50% custody.

Second bit of advice I was given: accept that 50% is generally the best you can hope for. Only extreme cases lead to mom not having 50%. These cases are not only extreme, but stbx must be caught in the act of whatever she was doing. This is not justice, but it is how it is.

Third bit of advice, my own experience: Find a good therapist. Start seeing him before your divorce. Get referrals to couples counselors. Ask what you can do to save your marriage / help your wife and family. Know that your medical records can be subpoenaed, and make sure what your therapist records cannot be used against you.

[stopthereavers]

Get a googlevoice account. It is free and will track all your incoming, outgoing, and missed calls, allows you to screen / record calls and archives all calls, voicemails, and text messages automatically so you can easily access them. Get it and learn how to use it.

If you must call your STBX use a free program like slydial.com to avoid having to talk to her and be connected directly to her vm.

[Fatheroffour]

I looked at the site and it looks to be handing out some very shaky advice, bordering on down right negligent. Particularly in regard to moving out and representing yourself.

[hoosier_dad]

The moving out advice is clueless, but then again it's based on his statistical sample of one guy that got thrown out on domestic battery charges. So rather than advise readers to protect themselves with an audio recorder, journaling, witnesses etc he advocates for the biggest mistake a Dad can make in divorce. If your ex is verbally abusive move out immediately, but make sure to explain to your children why you get to leave an abusive STBX but you are leaving the children in that parent's care LOL.


I love the irony of the single blog entry:

Why do men always get the sharp end? 06/15/2012
0 Comments

So I got my final decree through......OMG !!! the judge just about dismissed everything my laywer put forward, although the performance by my attorney is a whole nother topic !! are these people crazy when they come to these decisions, there is absolutely no correlation between what he has awarded and my ability to pay. For one thing you have the actual child support amount which in my case was bad enough. But, then you end up with all the attorney bills, how the heck do they expect you to pay !!


I have a feeling there will be quite a few more blog posts with similar results based on this guy's advice.

[Abdefg123]

There's a link here "step by step to win custody" (first link) but I can only find comments there about the post. Not the post itself. Where is a link to the "step by step" custody discussion? That's my main concern and I wanted to find more info on it.

[LF1274]

Mediation only works when both parties are willing to make concessions. I really wanted to settle my divorce through mediation, however she was bitter and not really willing to make concessions, leaving me with an agreement that I shouldn't of agreed to.

Our mediator literally wrote a book on mediation and was terrible. He mantra was, "it's either this or you wait a year to hear it from the court" - which in hindsight, was just a way of getting me to agree.

Trust your instincts and don't be afraid to fight in court. It can save you endless regret and a lot of money down the road.