its always something

[higherroad]

so we have a joint parenting agreement that states in the verbage that i am to make all decisions on education, medical, activities and camp.

son just got accepted to private school which ex does not like. she wants to know how i am going to pay for it since i am responsible for financial if i choose a private school.

heres my question, she wants to go before a judge, and says since its joint agreement she should be able to make the decisions also.

can a judge just arbitrarily change the specs of an agreement. can the judge, who is not the one we drafted the agreement under, interpret it as a joint agreement and deem the specifics irrelevant?

also, what right does my ex have in knowing how i am going to pay for it. i'm realizing its all about the money and she wants to know how i am going to pay for it even though he got a $10,000 scholarship for this year. sounds crazy but what business is it of hers how i pay for it. she will argue that i cant afford it as i have to go into bk for all my lawyer debts.

[Trevor]

1. She has zero right to know the first thing about your personal financial situation, either about how you will pay the tuition or how you pay for your groceries.

2. If you interpret the verbiage as clearly granting you the final decision, and you are asking for her input into your decision, then she would have to file for a modification and win that in court. I dunno but doubt that changing schools would be a significant change, because the simple presence of that phrase granting YOU the decision presupposes that there will be educational decisions to be made, such as the one in your hands now. Is the language clear?

3. If she files, ask for dismissal and for fees.

[higherroad]

assuming you meant if "she" wants input into decisions.

hes not changing schools hes graduating from 8th grade into hs.

the language specifically says

if the parties cannot agree upon a high school, then dad shall select the high
school, taking into consideration moms wishes, the parties' respective residence and the
children's desires and aptitudes

[Thoughts?]

Help me out here Higher. You talk about her wanting to know how you're paying for it.

You don't directly say if you're funding it or have found funding for it. So what is the answer to that point?

And have you asked her for her preferences, so you can claim you took into account her input?

End of day, if you listened to her input, you chose based upon what you thought were in your child's interests, and you also have it funded, she has no case. So punch line is -- have you done those things?

You're letter her < edited > with your head here man. You know the drill. Read your own orders, and fulfill the conditions, and assuming she has no cause to claim damages or harm to her own situation -- < edited > blow her off, ok?

But do steps 1, 2 & 3 first.

[higherroad]

thoughts

tuition is 13.5 he has a scholarship for 10.7. i can cover the rest.

i have not asked her for input as she has made it known she wants him to go to the public school. should i ask her in writing?

what messed with my head?

[higherroad]

now she is asking me

1. how i plan to pay for the hs for next 4 years

2. all costs associated with transportation, parking, athletics etc.

3. transportation to and from school and how it will effect younger son

4. how i plan to afford younger sons catholic school education

5. costs of kids activities

she is trying to use the argument i cant afford this so she can make decisions

[Anything4Her]

*Can* you afford it?

If no, then rethink it. If yes, ignore her.

Radio Silence. Just because she asks does not mean you have to answer.
Your obligation to let her know your personal business ended with divorce.

Radio Silence.

[higherroad]

her argument is that i cant afford it.

she claims she has no money and even though younger sons tuition is to be split, she wont pay it. i am assume judge will look at her tax returns where she is paid in cash so doesnt pay any tax even though she lives in a 4k sq ft house and drive a brand new cadillac suv.

if she chooses not to pay for his grammar school ed i am assuming judge will say ok, then dad pays.

and her argument is she keeps calling it a joint parenting agreement and i am not parenting jointly even though the specs outline our responsibilites and decision making.

[Trevor]

1. You need to ask for her input today, in writing. And email should be enough, cc:yourself.

2. Ignore her questions about your personal financials. They are 100% outside the scope of her world on this issue.

3. The transportation issue could be legit and you may want to address it, if she will be affected in any way, such as needing her help significantly more than today. However consider how far into the future is the reality of these logistics, and provide only the detail that makes sense. Is she complaining that the new school is far away and it's an undue burden on her to drop off or pick up there?

4. There is NO argument about your financials. She doesn't want to pay as ordered and the onus is on her to change that. If the court has ordered tuition to be split, and she doesn't pay, you'll just have to document it and file for contempt. Yes there is a chance that the judge will screw you.

5. You will have to subpoena her income source if you need more income proof than her under-represented income via her 1040EZ.

[higherroad]

thanks trev-

she has stated in an email she has no opinion on the catholic school since she doesnt have any information, although she went to the hour long 1 on 1 meeting orientation. i also told her about the scholarship. assuming that is enough.

do i even address her questions about how am i going to pay for the kids expenses?

regarding transportation, she doesnt want the burden of taking him the 20 minutes to get there or 20 minutes back. there are car pools from kids in the area.

but the big question now is she wants to change the msa and under the guise of a joint parenting agreement doesnt believe the fine print represents that.