She is at it again

[SmokinMeanRibz]

Long story short, NJ continues to try to control what happens during my parenting time. I have learned to just pick my daughter up and see to it that we have a great time together and that she is taken care of 100% without saying anything to NJ because that starts fights.

If on a weekend I have to take her to my mother's house 60 miles away, drive back and work, and then drive up after work and go to bed in the same house the same night, should that be any concern to NJ? I don't think it should be.

D3 is always in my care or the care of my mother during my parenting time. NJ tries to say I should quit my job to have weekends off. She doesn't understand that I am managing my responsibilities just fine. Besides it takes the 2nd job to pay for CS and daycare.

I have used radio silence and/or as little words as possible. She claims that she is building a case against me and that she has talked to 3 lawyers and a judge that all say that I am being irresponsible with D3.

NJ's definition of irresponsible is not constantly informing her (getting permission) of the things D3 and I do.

I told her that unless a major medical, educational, or psychological decision arises, I do not have to inform her of anything. I make the day to day decisions.

She even slipped up and told me that D3 had pink eye. I texted her back and asked how long she had had it. SHe said that she had already been to the doctor and had been treated and is fine now - All without my prior knowledge.

I asked her how would she had reacted if I did the same thing without informing her and she made my case for me. She said its pink eye not heart surgery. Do not bother me if it isn't major.

I used her own words to attempt to get her to understand my point of view of when D3 is with me. I said I trust you on the small day to day things and I would appreciate it if you trusted me and not threaten me with court battles over little stuff.

Of course she is a NJ so I am probably still wrong and she is still right.

I don't have anything to worry about because I have acted and responded within my MSA.

Its just so annoying.

[Trevor]

And yet you feed the monster still. Sayin'.

[Fatheroffour]

Sounds like too much communication to me.

[SmokinMeanRibz]

I agree with you dudes. But she starts spouting all the "I am just trying to help you! Why can't you see that? You never listen to my suggestions...blah blah" I end up just telling her that I don't want her suggestions. Then she says ok then I am going to have to take you back to court for not co-parenting....WHAT?

Its a really stupid issue, but how do i cut it off? It gets on my nerves.

[RC211V]

Yep, super annoying, and she probably enjoys the knowledge that she is annoying you. That's the most likely reason she does it...

I'm still learning more and more how to really not give a flying fak what she thinks, it takes some time and evaluation of your own thought process. But keep working at it. You don't have to tell her much and don't have to explain anything.

Probably my favorite model for this is a woman actually, who I was in love with as a kid and still would hit if I could. Mary Poppins in the Disney movie was asked by the father of the kids she nannied for an explanation about what she had done with the kids that day. She said, 'First, I want to make one thing perfectly clear - I never explain anything!' And that was it.


Edit for response - Just talk to her as little as possible, and keep as much communication as possible in text or email. If she threatens to 'take you to court', say 'Do what you have to do' and walk away. If she won't shut the fak up, walk away, or at the most say, 'If you have something to discuss about helping our kid, I want to talk. Otherwise, have a nice day' and walk away. And really, don't explain ANYTHING. Don't tell her you don't want her suggestions. Don't explain anything. Pretend she is a dog and only the most simple commands can be understood. -- No!, Good NJ!, Fetch!, Stay!,

[Fatheroffour]

Assuming you avoid dooky smelling panhandlers like I do, treat her the same way.

Don't make eye contact, don't provoke and get away ASAP.

[newwife]

The only thing you should have texted about the pink eye is

"In the future please inform me of any doctor's visits so I have the opportunity to attend."

Whatever she spouts back, you can just repeat.

[madalex]

Reading the original post in this thread, I don't think you understand the meaning of "radio silence."

It doesn't mean that you explain to her that you don't have to consult her on stuff. It means you don't explain what you are doing to her and you don't acknowledge what she says to you. If you are on the phone and she tries to talk to you, you hang up, If it is during a child exchange, you smile, say nothing and walk away. Even saying, "I don't want your suggestions" is not radio silence.

[jamessick]

I told her that unless a major medical, educational, or psychological decision arises, I do not have to inform her of anything.

Your response should be....*crickets*

She even slipped up and told me that D3 had pink eye. I texted her back and asked how long she had had it.

Your response should be...*crickets* (document)

I asked her how would she had reacted if I did the same thing without informing her and she made my case for me. She said its pink eye not heart surgery. Do not bother me if it isn't major.

Your comment should have been...*crickets*

I used her own words to attempt to get her to understand my point of view of when D3 is with me. I said I trust you on the small day to day things and I would appreciate it if you trusted me and not threaten me with court battles over little stuff.

Your comment should've been *crickets*

Unless it actually involves the exchange of necessary information about the child, you don't talk, text, email her at all. She won't know what buttons to push, she won't know if her games affect you. She won't know Jack, well unless she's banging some guy named jack, but that's immaterial.

Radio SILENCE. Learn it, live it, love it

[SmokinMeanRibz]

That all makes sense.

I looked at our MSA. It does state that either parent that intends to take the child out of state must inform the other parent.

I know this was put in there just because my mom lives in the next state up. So I just text her and say "taking D3 to moms" and leave it at that? or do I just ignore our orders?