Dudes

[SadDad]

Ok...some Im just about to send last edited PP to the NJ for final sign-off.

One thing that is still bothering me is her choice of men. I don't care who she bumps ugly's with when the kids aren't around, but my fear is who she introduces to them once the ink is dry. She has ZERO common sense and horrible judgement.

As I mentioned before her current Mr.Wonderful is an ex-con armed robbery heroin recovering addict.

Is there anything I can put in the parenting plan that keeps kids away from felons....or do I just need to suck it up and deal?

[Fatheroffour]

I think you have to take each new guy on a case by case basis.

Writing the blanket clause you desire that would pass the test for all the various and conflicting rights and possible scenarios would be an interesting exercise but fairly futile, IMO.


The presumption is that unless the parent has supervised < parenting time > they are capable and within their rights to make such day to day decisions.

[minuette]

One thing that is still bothering me is her choice of men. I don't care who she bumps ugly's with when the kids aren't around, but my fear is who she introduces to them once the ink is dry. She has ZERO common sense and horrible judgement.

She chose you, didn't she? So she doesn't screw the pooch every time...

Unless her choices can be documentably proven to negatively impact or endanger the children, quit stressing about the hypothetical. Document her actual choices and deal with that.

[Outis]

And I'm just gonna say something here for all to consider. There's at least one convicted felon on this board. Some people grow up and move on. The "omg, felon!" outcry gets a bit old at times. Not everyone who has made a mistake is a danger to kids.

That said, I understand caution and concern. But unless you can show anyone is an actual danger to kids, not much you can do. As mentioned the other day, and forgive for forgetting by whom, such a clause would prevent Martha Stewart from attending a birthday party.

[Fatheroffour]

Probably a number of felons on board.

Having the highest incarceration rates in the world assures us that we'll have plenty of fathers with criminal records fighting for access to their kids.

[Anything4Her]

If I was actually caught and prosecuted for some of the transgressions against the law that I have committed, I would be a felon.

I don't believe that I have committed actual wrongs, that is, acts that are wrong in and of itself (Malum in se), but have freely committed actions that are 'wrong because someone else doesn't like it' (Malum Prohibitum).

I'm a good guy, a good dad and a generally pleasant person to be around. Felon doesn't automatically mean dirtbag, though it is an indicating factor.

As FoF said, you have to take each case individually. You lost the right to influence your ex-wife's choices when you divorced her. Stay focused on the kids themselves and the actions that they actually see and you won't go far wrong.

[Enough]

If you have ten thousand regulations, you destroy all respect for the law.

Winston Churchill

In laymans terms. In the land of a million regulations, everyone is a criminal.

[Fatheroffour]

There's no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. Who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens? What's there in that for anyone? But just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor enforced or objectively interpreted – and you create a nation of law-breakers – and then you cash in on guilt.

Anyone?

[Enough]

Ayn Rand. Good to see we have a reasonable bunch of dudes on this website!

[SadDad]

For the record I agree with what most of you recommend....BUT....

There is a big difference between "we're all criminals" and a heroin addict who was wanted in three states for armed robbery (gun and knife) and served almost 4 years in the State Pen. Just saying.

I was arrested once. Peed on a sidewalk in college after funneling too many cheap beers. In my haze I thought the po po said "are you rested", they really said "do you want to get arrested". In hindsight "Yes" was the wrong answer.