Mountain or Mole Hill?

[jtwob]

I've been divorced for 2 years now and we have a 4 yr old son together. Ex has been dating a guy for six months and they are getting serious. Our decree states he isn't supposed to spend the night which I don't believe he is. However, he is tucking my son into bed with him at night, getting in bed with him at night when he does it, and kissing him on the cheek and forehead when he tucks him into bed and whenever he leaves. I've spoken with ex about it and she obviously could care less. This makes my blood boil. Am I making a mountain out of mole hill? If I'm not, what is the appropriate response and how best should I handle this?

[BartSimpson]

Help me understand your thinking.

What are you saying is the actual problem: the affection, the physical contact, the propinquity, or that he is there and you are not?

[jtwob]

Thanks for teaching me a new word Bart. I would say all four but there's nothing I can do about the fact he is there and I am not. I would rather a guy show my son kindness, care, and concern than the flip side so I really have no problem with affection...it's this type of affection. My issue is that my son's bed is no place for him to be regardless of how serious they are. getting in my son's bed should be off limits and, yes, i find it inappropriate to be kissing my son on the face (not mouth) in that setting. But that's just me and, of course, I'm biased as this is my son. I don't like it and want it to stop.

[Fatheroffour]

Your son has someone else that loves him.

It's natural. I'm sure he is a very lovable child.

You will have to find a way to deal with your reaction. It's really not healthy. It's not like anyone is doing anything wrong here.

[CCR]

Also, if you are a non-custodial parent, get used to some other man getting to "play dad" more time than you actually get yourself.

Most states indirectly say it's in the best interest of the child, since they order a primary parent where the child spends most of their time.

[higherroad]

got to take the other view, tucking a four year old is a mom or dads, aunt, grandmother etc job.

someone mom just brought into the picture just six months ago to tuck him in, WTF?

[stb_divorced]

yup 6 months is way too soon and risky to involve a new partner in your kids life. i feel sorry for the kid if it doesn't work out. glad mom feels so comfortable in risking your son's well-being with mr. wonderful.

[Fatheroffour]

WTF.

*tuck, tuck*

"Night, Night".

Time to get over it gentlemen.

The OP doesn't even think the guy is spending the night. The guy is taking a few minutes break from fingering mom on the couch to tuck kiddo in and it makes the OP's blood boil. That's not healthy. Neither is questioning the 4yo about his going to bed habits at his moms house.

[higherroad]

i guess everyone has their own values. i've been dating a woman with 3 kids. tucking them in "in my book" especially at 4 years old is mom and dads job. its a little more intimate at that age than just a night, night...for the kid.

[Fatheroffour]

i guess everyone has their own values.

That's certainly the point. Right?

It's highly doubtful mom and boyfriend think they are doing anything sinister. No ill will is meant. They're not breaking any laws. No measurable harm shall befall the child as a result.

So why waste life being angry over what you have no control over and have no right to have any control over? [Rhet]