Nothing is Moving

[Cuzz]

Need some advice..
We have already had a custody hearing which we agreed on and the judge complimented us for putting our 14s best interest first..

However, the rest of the divorce seems to be on hold.. Our first pre-trial isnt even scheduled until March 9th (3 months later) and nothing seems to be happening.. We have alot of assets to split and I have been pushing NJ for an agreement to find out what she wants but it seems she's just ideling.. I just want to know what she's after so I can plan on selling what neither of us want or counter offer to get things at least moving instead of sitting here ideling.. I personally could care less if I have to sell everything but just want to know if thats what I can start doing if NJ doesnt want it either.. Any suggestions? Should I submit an agreement to them, which will cost me more attorney fee's, even though I know she wont accept any of it just to piss me off? I just want to get this ball rolling..

[Bubba Seal]

Cuzz did you file first or did she? I cant remember, if you filed then you will more than likely have to keep the heat up on this, but she can drag around all she wants, it is what it is. Mine took 5 years to get resolved.

Do you guys have a mediation scheduled, thats when I learned how my ex wanted thigns to be after the divorce, we didnt actually settle during that time, but it gave me a template so I could do the things you are wondering about.

Good Luck

Patience is your friend right now, dont settle til you are comfortable with a plan that you can make happen.

[Cuzz]

I did file first.. We havent had anything yet other than a custody mediation, which went well. It sure would be nice to get some type of template so I have an idea of what I have to work with.. If I know there are things NJ doesnt want, I want to start selling them ASAP.. The sooner I can liquidate stuff, the sooner this will be over with..

When is a mediation scheduled? Does my attorney submit something for that or is it scheduled by the courts? We have our first pre-trial date set for March 9th, do they do it then?

I'm still learning the sequence of steps

Thanks again

[Bubba Seal]

Cuzz in my state we had to go thru mediation before we went to trial, then we went into depositions, and further interagotorys, then trial.

It just depends on the state.

We initially did a parenting mediation, when my ex was threatening to move out, I can thank my lucky starts that my attorney got on top of that real quick, it was temp at the time, but it was made permanent in the end.

We tryed to mediate assets alone for a few monthes, then we tryed mediating with lawyers and a mediator twice, some thing it wasnt successful cause we didnt reach an agreement, but I kept up notes on the key things my ex wanted and focused on how to make that happen with the least damage.

You really shouldnt sell anything til you reach an agreement, if you have things to sell get some rel values of what you can expect for them, you need to inventory everything you own, and get real values, on furniture and odds and ends, my attorney said look on craigs list to get values, most of the time it was pennys on the dollar.

Dont emotionally attach yourself to anything you own, anything can be replaced, its just things.

Im in a 50/50 state and it took me a while to realize that I was gonna be basically half the man financially after the divorce that I was before, Im glad ours took a while, cause I was like you at first, I just wanted it over, and I didnt file by the way, so my attorney said just take your time, she said in my case time was my friend, and in the end i have to admit on a lot of levels it was.

[Cuzz]

Yeah I'm not attached to anything here but I do know she is so that will be to my benifit.. I am in a 50/50 state too..

When you mediate and agree to "some things", can those things be set in stone and locked-in or are they always still on the table? For example, if we both agree to which vehicles we both want (we both have 2 vehicles each that have equal value and are all paid for), can that be locked in so I can do what I want with my vehicles such as sell one of them and the cash for it is mine and no longer an asset that can be touched by her?

I'm also wondering about other things like vacation property we own. Can we agree on everything else and just wait for this to be sold but already be living seperate lives while were waiting? I dont care if the actual divorce lasts, I just want to get away from this NJ and start living a "free and uncontrolled" life..

Meanwhile, I'll start getting values on everything

[Bubba Seal]

Cuzz if the two cars are of equal value and she will agree I think you can move them into the non-marital asset side of your marital balance sheet.

If you havent put on e together, a marital balance sheet can help, in our mediations we did get some basic agreements on some things, I dont know without signing the whole deal, whether its enforcable, but both attorneys in my case would both say, we already talked about that and agreed.

If you are in a 50/50 state, just stack everything in the marital balance sheet and start figuring out what you think she might want, move it to her side, move an equal amount to your side, if she isnt giving you ideas you can start doing this yourself.

Honestly I wouldnt want to leave anything to sell after the divorce, in mine we did discuss that, I owned some real estate and knew someone with adjacent land that wanted to buy it, I did negotiate with them on the basis that my ex would accept that and it would allow me ot put cash on the table, she was due half of that money anyway, the balance of the money paid her out of our house. I had this in place, but the deal wasnt done til we were done on the divorce. As far as a vacation home, ask your attorney if you can market contingent on settling the divorce, something of that nature.

I also had some stock that I sold to pay the taxes on selling the land and to cover the legal fees I had built up.


Its just a big jig saw puzzle, is all it is.

It sounds like you are waiting to see what she wants, you dont have to wait to make a plan of how to sperate everything.

Cash split 50/50

Retirement split 50/50

and so on down the line

you will save a lot of time if you come in with a plan and alternatives if she wants something that you didnt think of

[epsilon]

It would seem if you two agreed on custody that you could work out amongst yourselves the financial split.

Try to start a discussion about it and find out what her hold up is.

After my custody was set I asked my ex to start discussing material items. She said, 'why, we won't agree to anything'. I persuaded her to at least write a list of what she wants in the house. I said you'll never know unless we try. I already had it in my mind that I wasn't attached to anything. So she gave me her list, I looked at it, and said 'OK'. Then, 'See how easy that was.' And then we just agreed on everything ourselves. No more lawyers after that.

[Cuzz]

Thank you very much Bubba, that sheds alot of light on things.. I really like the idea of having a balance sheet for dividing things.. Its almost like playing a card game.. I'll give you 2 end tables and raise you a leather couch for the 63" LED 3d TV.. BUT WAIT I'll even throw in a set of forks, spoons and knives, lol...

Your right the vacation property could be an issue due to costs and who is going to pay for them such as taxes.. Anyone want some prime hunting property in Michigan?

Thanks again Bubba!

[Cuzz]

It would seem if you two agreed on custody that you could work out amongst yourselves the financial split.

Try to start a discussion about it and find out what her hold up is.

After my custody was set I asked my ex to start discussing material items. She said, 'why, we won't agree to anything'. I persuaded her to at least write a list of what she wants in the house. I said you'll never know unless we try. I already had it in my mind that I wasn't attached to anything. So she gave me her list, I looked at it, and said 'OK'. Then, 'See how easy that was.' And then we just agreed on everything ourselves. No more lawyers after that.

I tried mentioning it a few times.. I also ask her if she is working on any type of agreement with her L and told her if she tells me, I wont have to spend more money on my L drafting the same thing if she is in the process already but she wont tell me anything.. Since I do know she wants the home, I'm also hoping we can work something out like her wanting everything in the home so we wont have to individualize every little thing, which could take forever.. That would also give me a bargaining tool for some other items I may want.. But it doesnt matter to me, I'm not attached to anything..

[Cuzz]

NJ agreed to start 2 seperate bank accounts to start splitting the cash we get on things we agreed to sell.. Is this something we can have done and put in stone so neither can go back and try to recover from the other at a later date, and before the divorce is finalized? We have plenty of cash assets in other accounts to cover any divorce fees that we will encounter..